Am I being insecure with my new girlfriend?

Me and this girl became friends and after about 4 months of getting to know each other we became a couple and we have been together for about 2 months now.

My question is while we were friends there was a guy friend she had for 10 years basically he likes her and she told me he has tried to hit on her a few times and she doesn't look at him like that. I met him him etc she even told me that he told her he wants to marry her etc. But she says she made it clear just friends and he accepted to be in the friend zone.

Yesterday she brought him up saying she hasn't talked to him in a while and wants to catch up with him. Well now that she is my girlfriend that made me feel uncomfortable because I know he wants to be with her. So I asked her so if I hung out with a chick that wants to be with me she will be ok? Her response was she will feel weird but I need to understand she knew this friend for 10 years and he won't do anything to disrespect her when he knows she is with someone. Then asked me do I want her to end that friend ship but in a way like something is wrong with me like that would be a deal breaker and she would break it off with me if I said yes. I just responded that's your friend I'm not going to tell you what to do I just want to understand what is going on with him since I know he wants to be with her...

I'm i wrong here?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You are absolutely justified in your doubts and worries. She should be able to reject her friend because she has you now, and she does not want him, IN THAT ORDER! For example, every year I go to this week-long camp that has a dance towards the end of it, and you can bring a date and all that. So, every year I have a date, but this year, I had a bf, and I told him about the dance and asked him if it was ok if I had a date. He said no, he wouldn't like it, so I went to the dance alone. I didn't care, I had an awesome time anyway, but I respected his descision because I knew he wasn't overreacting or anything. I even thought about it from his point of view, and if it was him asking to go on a date with someone else, even if it was just a friendship thing and I had no worries, I'd still be like; "Oh HELL NO! You are my bf, and the only person you're going out on a date with is MOI!!!" He was a lot calmer than I would've been...

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    • I wish my gf thought like this...

What Girls Said 2

  • Its natural to feel insecure. She knows him well and he's shown obvious interest in her. You were right in not asking her to stop hanging out or talking to him because friends are important and he's been around years and you've only been around for months. I'd also say don't compare, don't say well how would this feel? Because it's hypothetical and somewhat defensive. Maybe just ask that when they hang out of you could be included in order to help deal with your insecurities. Maybe put it in way that ensures is not because you don't don't trust her but because you want to do everything you can to not lose her. It's sweet, just a small amount of jealousy (which shows you care), you're not controlling what she does and she now makes the "can you deal with this" question so it's not all on you.

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  • Usually when a girl says a guy is in the friend zone, he'll stay there. Have you met this guy? You might feel more comfortable with him if you become friends with him too. I totally understand why you might be nervous, but it's probably nothing. My BF was worried about a guy friend of mine until he actually talked to him and realized that the guy was like a brother to me, even though he had feelings for me in the past.

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What Guys Said 4

  • I can understand the concern, but you have to let her have a little freedom. If this becomes a habit or someone she is talking to a lot then yes you should say something about it.

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    • Im not worried about her i trust her it's more of this guy since I know he isn't really a friend to her he wants to be with her. That's the only reason he is around...

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    • Update. This past weekend she came out of nowhere and ask if I'm ok with her gng to the movies with him... Wtf? She said he text her asking. I stood my ground as a man and told her I'm not going to say no but said I do feel uncomfortable about that for starter he doesn't know she has a new boyfriend. Two she told me it was to catch up I asked how can you catch up sitting in the dark watching a movie. Three why not we all go hang out somewhere? Her response was its because he is her friend and they have been for years I said but he wants to be with you. Her response was but she doesn't like him so I should trust her. I said it's not the trust it's how is that a friendship if he wants to be with you? I said again a real friend will be up with gng out to a group outing with all of us being there and I would dare take another woman to the movies let alone a girl that wants to be with me what kind of sense does that make? She says she doesn't like to share. Wtf?

    • Continued... I just said I feel like she is picking him over me but I'm not going to force anything here is were I stand I'm not comfortable and I cannot comprehend how that is a real friendship knowing he wants her. You go the movies if you want. She decided not to go and said if she had a choice to disappoint someone she doesn't want it to be me but we agreed to disagree. She doesn't get and she is almost 40 years old...

  • Have you tried locking the doors with you and your girlfriend in the room?

    No I think you're pretty much right. Smart choice saying not to end the relationship with the guy. The guy should fuck off in a few years. Unless he's nuts, in which case good luck being murdered!

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  • You are being insecure.

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  • As long as they weren't hanging out one-on-one then it wouldn't be a problem with me.

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    • I think she wants to hang out with him one on one like a lunch thing... I feel weird about it like how is that a friendship if he is waiting around hoping she will fall for him?

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    • I don't think you're being jealous and she sounds manipulative to boot. It's common sense.

    • Crazy we became good friends and when we hooked up we promised to not lose the friendship. She believes we were meant to be in gods eyes etc due to some weird coincedences that happened but today is making me relalise there is no such thing as destiny...

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