Dealing with repeated failure with women?

Tonight was another failure. My date, who I thought was interested in me, ended up spending most of the time flirting with the waiter and acting less attracted to me as the date went on. I tried talking about what her favorite concerts were, best childhood memories, favorite party stories, etc while occasionally trying to include my own funny stories but mainly letting her talk. I also tried to be a bit flirtatious but not over the top. I ended up leaving money on the table and walking out after she started asking the waiter personal questions instead of me while smiling at him.

Then I tried messaging another girl from high school, who I thought may have been into to me, if she wanted to catch up, but now I've gotten no response for like 4 hours when my message is read and she's been posting on other people's walls. THis is just another straw in a string of hundreds of failures and rejections. No matter how much I improve, or how charming I am, or how much effort I put in, things seem to go no where.
I'm really tall like 6'10 too, which I thought was a bonus, and people consider me to be a 7/10 in terms of facial aesthetics.

I've just been getting so sad seeing couples and PDAs throughout campus, and some of my friends are even getting married. I have to lie to everyone about getting girls so i don't embarrass myself. I'm worried, at this rate, that even if I do manage to get a girlfriend, its not going to last and im going to get cheated on me. Maybe if I knew what I was doing wrong I could make noticeable progress but I have no way of getting feedback. And girls just stop talking to me. I don't know how i'll manage life without any romance--its been so long since i've had any intimate contact with women and it doesn't seem like ill ever get kids or a wife; im not sure how long I can deal with such constant and relentless rejection, so how do you guys deal with it? Giving up seems somewhat appealing.

Updates:
Another problem is that i've started using drugs as a result. Whenever I get lonely I start using opiates which is really bad. Its a downward spiral from their.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Failure is just another opportunity to try again, so dont give up on woman all together. Thats why people go on dates and spend time together going different places, doing various things together, so you can see what that person is really like. It helps you decide if they are right for you or not. What you have to remember is dates which seem a failure, aren't bringing what you do want, but they are teaching you what you dont want, therefore bringing you closer to finding someone who is right for you. Each date which is a disaster gives you more confidence and wisdom to find someone special.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Don't give up!! You really seem like a sweet guy. It's hard to explain people's behavior sometimes... I don't know WHY that girl would be so rude to you. That's terrible. You deserve someone amazing. What type of girls do you usually find yourself attracted to?

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    • Thanks for your response. Generally I have pretty unrealistic standards, and those girls are never interested in me so i've stopped going after them since its hopeless lol. I mainly go after any girl who shows interest in me since its pretty rare anyways and I figure I have the best chance with them. Maybe they aren't the best looking in the world but some of them have really great personalities and that's good enough for me. I'm also attracted to girls of all races and i'm ok with women who aren't excessively obese. Its just hard finding any woman really who will go out with me for more than a couple of dates. I usually try to make sure the woman is really comfortable and flirty with me before escalating at all too. I mean sometimes people have mentioned to me that I can be awkward but i've improved a lot on that end. Maybe some people just aren't genetically meant to be that successful with the opposite gender?

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    • well I am happy to date pretty much any woman that is interested in me at all. I don't really know where to meet older women though; do you think they would be turned off because I have very limited dating and sexual experience?

    • Well I don't think that most of them would mind that at all. Most older women are more than happy to teach you a few things. You might meet some by volunteering at a big brother program. That's where you make friends with a child and mentor them. A lot of women get into the program because they are single moms and I know a few couples who met this way. You could also try to meet some women in your area online.

What Guys Said 3

  • "Giving up seems somewhat appealing."

    I assure you, many men AND women know that feeling very well. I really can't advice you on what I would think could aid you, in improving your dating habits & outcomes. But, based on the tone of the provided details... maybe you really need a break from just the idea of dating for awhile.

    Consider, for a moment, that while you feel you've made improvements in your marketability, it's possibly put more stress on you, than you intended. You became so focused on success, you're not having as much fun as you should. Yes, what your date did was extremely rude, & many (if not, most) women would behave similarly, with no regard for who they agreed to spend an evening with, but remind yourself not ALL women are like that.

    Take a break from dating. Clear your head. There are nearly 4 billion women in the world; they're not going anywhere anytime soon. There will ALWAYS be options.

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  • The obvious solution is that you actually have to find a partner who is both attractive to you and you are attractive to them. It helps if you see them more as yet another "woman" and "possible girlfriend", because people like being liked for themselves, and not just to fill a position on your wishlist. Because when you're truly desperate, your "girlfriend" could be anyone, and people can see if you're interested in THEM, or just that they're filling some void for you and could be anyone.

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  • I'm going to have to ask you, how do you measure your improvements. I was trying to improve myself as a person over the summer and learned no matter how hard I tried is unneeded since all you needed to do was learn the right path

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    • basically by the number of women that positively respond to me. Another good metric is the duration of time women want to spend with you. if you have to work hard to get women to spend time with you, its bad. If a woman is very open to a date and seems excited that's a good sign. The amount of flirting women do is generally a good trait too. Probably the best indicator is the number of women that are open to romance. If none of them are interested in kissing or sex, you're coming across as more of a brother which is bad.

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