My parents hate my boyfriend because he's black, how do I make them like him?

I've been in love with my boyfriend since my senior year of high school. Well we've been talking about getting married right after he graduates (he's younger). Well my parents are racist, I come from a white family and my parents have always hated black people. I'm not racist at all, I get along with everyone, skin color doesn't matter to me. Well my parents hate him and have called him racist names so now his family hates me, so neither family is happy. Well my dad forbids me to see or talk to him, which I still do sometimes. Well if he finds out he beats me so I'm scared to do it again. I was hoping someone could tell me a what to make my parents accept my boyfriend, because I love him more than anything and I hate lying to my parents about him. My boyfriend shouldn't be kept a secret and I shouldn't be abused because of who I love and want to get married to. And I just don't know what to do anymore because I'm scared my boyfriend might want to leave me because he's scared of my dad hurting me, which is a risk I'm willing to take to be with him.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • If you can finish school and head off to college or otherwise get out on your own, do so ASAP. Get away from your tyrant parents.

    Question: does your bf have a plan for the future? College? Good Job? Military? In fairness, I have known white parents of daughters who didn't object to the suitor's race, so much as they objected because they thought the suitor was "ghetto", or had no future.

    A classic movie comes to mind:
    en.wikipedia.org/.../Guess_Who%27s_Coming_to_Dinner

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    • I actually read the question and thought of that movie. Show @asker parents this movie!

    • Actually yes he has a job, and plans on going to college when he graduates, if anyone out of me and him are "ghetto" it's my family

    • Then do escape your family! I wish you both well.

What Guys Said 6

  • You don't All that can be done is that over time if they see that he loves you and treats you well, they will wake up and realize that racism is ignorance and they were ignorant and racist and want to change.

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  • Your Parents aren't going to change and there's nothing you can do or say to make them change their minds on your relationship or black people.

    If you want to be with this guy then what you may have to do is cease contact with your Parents altogether because if you don't you could end up losing this guy altogether but on the same note by doing that and ceasing contact with your Parents you may also lose them so it's a tough choice you're going to have to make because sadly your Parents are bigoted and set in their ways.

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  • Tough luck. Sucks to be you. Move out of your parents place, problem solved.

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    • Yeah that helps, especially when I get beat if I try getting a job

    • Call the police. Leave the house, get a job. Have your black bf help you out with the money/place to stay.

    • Your goals of making your family like your black bf is ridiculous. Even more ridiculous is that your parents beat you for getting a job. Leave the situation if it's an abusive one.

  • You can't force them to like him. They grew up hating blacks, they won't be able to change it. Have they had a civil conversation with him?

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    • No, I tried that once that's when my dad called him racist names and made his family hate me

    • Well, your family doesn't have to like him for you to be with him.

  • You can't change how people are, you can only change what you think you should do... do you value him, or your parents more...

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  • You don't. You can't fix prejudice and racism in a person.

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    • That's not necessarily true. But helping people change is a very long and very difficult process.

    • Right, and they only change if they want to.

What Girls Said 7

  • You can't change your parents way of thinking.
    All I can say is, start saving money and eventually move out.
    Get your own place or split rent with a friend,
    You won't have to sneak around to see him, you will be independent.

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  • I don't think you can make your parents like him. There is nothin you can do because they are racist. As long as you love your boyfriend, that is all that really matters. Don't waste your energy and time on trying to find ways for your parents to like him.

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  • You cannot change a racist person perspectives on people. If your father beats you, you really oughta just get away from him. As far as your black boyfriend... love whoever you want girl. And tbh being a black girl myself and having many brothers... sorry to be so crucial but I'm going to keep it real. Black families do not want their children bringing home a white woman/man.

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    • But that's so stupid, why should it matter who you bring home? If you love them you love them. Gender and tace shouldn't matter.

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    • Actually I do. His ancestors being slaves have nothing to do with him, you can say it does but it doesn't. Just like my ancestors being white racist idiots have nothing to do with me.

    • How does they not have anything to do w/ him? Look, just accept the fact that you WILL NEVER BE apart of "the family" in his family's eyes. You have a good man though girl, because he didn't let his family's perspective of you change his feelings about you.

  • You're a grown woman. If your dad beats you
    Threaten to call the police

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  • tell them that it is 2014 and in here half an hour to be 2015 so tell them you can join this society whenever you want too

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  • You can't make your parents like him. You basicly have to choose between them. Do you want to obey your parents and find someone else to date or move together with they guy you nove and ignore your parents.

    You are old enough so if your parents do beat yoi, you should move anyways

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  • You can't change your parents, that's just who they are. The best you can to is acknowledge they are ignorant and don't knkw any better and ignore their hurtful comments.

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