Why are we so driven to find a significant other?

In my experience of trying to find that special someone, i've met with complete failure and i've spent countless hours trying to find any girl really. Every single time i've met with failure and rejection pretty much, so now i've become love shy when i used to be confident and charming. I'm now afraid to ask out women because i dislike the constant pain, and they end up telling their friends and i'm humiliated.

For a while now i've given up and replaced trying to get a girl with a drug addiction. Opiates are nice because they completely stop my libido and make me forget about girls and the endless emotional pain of trying to get them. But this drug addiction is just a band aid fix. Can i find a more permanent solution to forget about girls and move on to more important things in my life? I thought i was good enough to get a girl before, but clearly something is wrong with my personality and appearance. All hope is lost trying to find a girl; even if a girl were to show interest id be too afraid to go after her.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'd argue that love is the prevailing reason that we seek out partners. I actually believe that it lays at the heart of everything we do, but that's probably an opinion better saved for a different question.

    Getting back to the question at hand, a lot of people think that romance is an evolutionary construct, one which exists because it fuels reproduction. Personally, I disagree. If it was as simple as genetic propagation, then people would just run around impregnating as many people as humanly possible, and that'd be that.

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    • How old are you? You're between 18-24 and you're already waving the white flag. You can (and most likely will) move past all of this and laugh when you look back upon it one day.

      Be yourself, like yourself, create happiness in your life, and live in good health. Control the things you can control, and the rest will follow.

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    • thanks for the advice ill keep that in mind.

    • You're welcome. :-)

What Girls Said 2

  • I've given up searching I'm just coastin through life right now and if it happens then it happens.

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    • I am forced to see happy couples walking around and making out on campus and each time I get a nasty pit in my stomach. It makes me want to throw up. I dont know how you just deal wth it.

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    • Because I'm in my own head most the time.

    • still, im telling you, someone with your appearance should be getting guys left and right. its probably because you never seem interested in guys or have a blank uninviting expression on your face.

  • Because we are humans

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What Guys Said 12

  • Wow, you are extreme. The drive is actually instinctual..."driven" by the need to spread our seed... also to populate the earth, and you can't beat instinct, only a few can, and barely. What you are doing is giving up, rejection is part of the game brother (think of it as a game, it gets easier)... for every time you fail, you take it as a learning experience and move on. Or if you are good enough, you could be a straight arrow, bad part about that is that you possibly won't like the girl.

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    • I understand why there is a desire for sex, but nota desire for monogamous relationships. I could get sex by hiring a prostitute but that would make me feel like crap.

      It actually gets harder each time. I keep having to lower my standards again and again. WOmen seem lukewarm at best. I could accept that rejection is part of the game and that its all about the numbers if only I had a couple of successes. It makes me feel like my chances are almost zero and that its hardly even worth it considering the chicks i've had to go after are unappealing in terms of personality and appearances. But even then being forever alone sounds worse than that.

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    • Well i don't understand the game at all; it makes no sense to me. I'm not a social idiot, but i'm certainly not well versed in the intricacies of women logic, or lack thereof. It just sucks having 0 intimacy so i find it hard to believe that being single is better.

    • did you just say "women logic"? you really don't understand the game if you think they have logic lol. I know what you mean though, being without intimacy sucks. Thats why you make it a choice instead of something that was thrown on you. Sometimes, the intimacy is not worth the drama, sometimes you still get 0 intimacy even with them. Its up to you how you play the game.

  • Has it been complete failure? You have not spent countless hours. There are no such known amount of hours. A lot of people do react to rejection just like how you are. That doesn't mean there aren't girls out there that would like you and would work out well with you.

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  • Because it gets boring as fuck to talk to myself when I could be bouncin' ideas off of some wonderful lady who's interested in the same stuff

    Imma Jack Kerouac this shit

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  • personally i don't give a damn about finding a SO

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  • Nobody wants to be alone so everyone is trying to seek that ultimate companionship that sates all of their desires.

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    • i don't mind being alone...

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    • You say you don't mind but after a period of time you would seek companionship wether you admit it or not

    • being alone without any intimacy for decades is tough. I am a introverted so I NEED alone time, but even I get sick of it.

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  • To preserve your genetics.

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    • Well unfortunately girls don't find my genetics enticing. Oh well some guys aren't meant to reproduce; evolution will weed out the unfavorable genes. IF evolution wasn't such a profound and brilliant theory, I would hate it.

    • Well technically my initial statement was only part of the picture. We are also trying to seek out the idealized version of what we culturally learn under the term of romanticism, while also with that attempt to obtain emotional reciprocation.

      I admire aromantics, they are not interested in romance at all. Because they don't see the point in it from the perspective of the bigger picture.

  • Like any other living things, to prevent extinction.

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  • if ur not happy alone, u won't be happy with anyone, same case im facing, focus on urself and ask as many why questions as you can, seek a therapist, i did so, and u will be amazed to the many answers and questions u get about urself and ur behavior

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  • Because that single life gets boring after a while.

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    • and depressing and lonely

  • human nature..

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  • probably innate biological

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