Am I fooling myself?

So I have been dating this guy for three months now. It is going quite well, I have met his parents, he has met mine and he has also met my friends. He clearly stated that we were in fact dating, but he specifically pointed out that we are not a couple. Now, there's a reason for that: his last girlfriend apparently broke his heart after expressing the strong desire to marry him and she ended things much to his surprise. After that, he was an emotional wrack. When I met him six months ago, he was still in pretty bad shape, however things have gotten better and he sees, that I am good for him. My social surroundings are a lot better then those of his ex, my family and friends accept him and I am trying my best to be supportive of him. He told me I was the best thing that happend to him in a little eternity and that he deeply cared for me. And when I need him, he is always there for me. However, even the thought of calling me his girlfriend seems to throw him right back into the deep pit he has been in. And I don't know, if I am wasting my time on him, I love him and I would wait for him to be ready, but I am still young and don't want to wait forever. So what do you think? Should I move on? Thanks for your help.

Updates:
Okay, since two people apparently missunderstood me by now, I should probably clarify: when I say, I don't want to wait forever, I mean: I don't want to spent the rest of my life loving someone, who will never love me. Don't tell me that makes me a bad person.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think you might need to distant yourself a bit. I would say entering into a relationship before fully recovered form the last one is selfish. It does not matter how many beautiful words he throws at you; nor does meeting each others' parents and friends. He should prove his love for you with actions. If he is still playing this cold hot game 3 months into the relationship and 6 months after breaking up, chances are that you are more of a heal than love to him, in which case I would recommend breaking off. Listen to your gut instinct. I would suggest you let him know that you really love him but right now things are too painful for you. If he really loves you, he should try to win you back. Good luck!

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What Guys Said 3

  • "... but I am still young and don't want to wait forever.", how long are you willing to wait considering how much you love him is pretty cursory?

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    • I love him and I am quite stubborn, so chances are, I'll wait for a very long time. But I will not wait for someone, who is not really interested in overcoming his commitment issues, Therefore my question.

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    • You're a bit dumb.

      90 days and you've made this amusing mental declaration over the the validity of a future? Come on. That's like saying you'll love your job for the rest of your life if you passed the employment trial period.

      You people. I swear I listen to you talk about "objectivity" and "basing it off of one line" but you are all one-liners. You're dumb making stupid fucking glaringly obvious mistakes in judgment. It's just not that hard.

    • I know him longer then 90 days. In fact, I couldn't really pinpoint when we started dating. It could easily be five months, if I take the day he first told me he liked me. And I do not need years to know, that I love him. But I really do not need to defend myself against you. If you just want to provoke, do it somewhere else. You are not going to get another response from me.

  • You're not a bad person for not wanting to wait forever, you're sensible. Time is valuable and once it has elapsed it has elapsed, you cannot obtain the time you've frittered away.

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  • yes, you are fooling yourself.

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What Girls Said 1

  • You have only been dating for three months and considering he was still a wreck when you two started dating, I would give him more time. He is just afraid of getting hurt again, but if you push too hard too quickly, you'll only make him run. I would wait the 6 month mark before pushing him into making up his mind, only if you really like this guy. You say you are still young and don't want to wait around forever sounds to me like you don't actually really care for the guy? Love and affection takes times, and you decided to go out with a guy who wasn't ready to give his all to you. If you can't stand it anymore leave.

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    • I do care for him. But he has done some things in the past, that have hurt me deeply. He didn't do it, because he is a jerk, but because there are moments, when he can't care for anyone but himself. However, it should come as no surprise, that this game of hot and cold is frustrating and confusing for me. I can not count all the times I cried myself to sleep because I was kept in the dark about his true feelings. Things have become better lately, but I worry for my own mental health sometimes.

    • Then why are you with him? If he is hurting g you so badly, leave. You two have only been dating for three months. You knew what you were getting into when you started dating him, and you still do now. Either you except that his feelings aren't going to change quickly or leave. You should have dated a guy who was more emotionally available.

    • Yes, I probably should have done that. But knowing me I am going to stay until the bitter end. However, thanks for your opinion.

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