My boyfriend called me a slut? Am I slut?

The other day at work an older man told me "Have a nice day pretty lady." I said "Thank you sir, you have a nice day too." My boyfriend was in line behind him and when the man left he started yell at me. He didn't really call me a slut. He said "I only date virgins because I thought they aren't sluts". I told him what was wrong? He said that I should have told the man that I have a boyfriend. I asked him why? And he said because men only compliment girls if they want to sleep with them or if they want to ask for there number. That men aren't nice to girls for nothing. I told him that the man didn't even ask for my number he was just being polite. And he left right away. But my boyfriend said I was being a naive stupid girl and that I don't know about men. He told me to stop being a slut and if men compliment me, to always tell them I have a boyfriend.
I am his second girlfriend. Were both virgins. He said he broke up with his first girlfriend because she was a slut. I had to erase my Facebook because he would get jealous if any of my guy friend or even cousins liked a post or status. I don't post anything but like favorite food. And he said men pretend to like the same things to try to get with a girl. I got tired of his jealousy so I just erased it. He told me I'm being too slutty. Other than this, he's very nice to me and a complete gentle men. He compliments me, spends time, listens to my problems. He was my friend before boyfriend and he's sweet. he's also my first boyfriend.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Wow, he sounds kind of psychotic.

    All the guy did was compliment you, and it's not like you even returned it or anything. You did absolutely nothing wrong there; you didn't engage at all. Add that to the fact that you're at work and you're expected to behave professionally, I just don't see any justifiable reason for your BF to get upset about this.

    To answer your main question, no, this does not make you a "slut" whatsoever. It does make your BF seems like a maniacally jealous man, though.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Yeah... time to get a second boyfriend. :P

    He's psycho. And not just quirky-your-friends-don't-understand psycho. He's like clinically insane. If you allow this to continue he will get abusive.

    Oh wait, he already is. You want mental and verbal abuse? Oh, he's a prime candidate. Next he'll be dictating who you can and cannot speak to or be friends with. Oh wait, he's already doing that. Next he'll be getting jealous over things that don't exist. Oh wait, yup, he's already passed that checkpoint.

    How many more checkpoints do you think there will be before he raises a hand against you in order to prove his point?

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    • Do you think the older man was flirting with me? It didn't feel like that at all. He didn't stay and ask for my number he left right away. And my boyfriend waited for him to leave and then he started yelling at me. Was I being a slut?

    • No you weren't being a slut... don't let this boy get into your head and make you feel guilty for something you did not do.

      You know why he waited for that guy to leave? Because he's a coward, and insecure.

    • There you go blaming yourself. You are NOT to blame. It was NOT flirting. And here's a newsflash for you and your boyfriend. Older men flirt with young girls at their place of work every God damn day. Hell, I work at Burger King and you can bet your ass the older men who come in there flirt with me. And my boyfriend stops in every once in a while and he doesn't give two shits.

      Your boyfriend has you blaming yourself. You are being mentally and emotionally and psychologically abused and controlled. You NEED to leave him. For your own sake. Otherwise 5 years from now YOUR face is the face we'll all see on the news under the headline, "Boyfriend beats Girlfriend to death" or something like that.

      Now, unless you are good with only having 5 more years to live, I suggest you get out. I'm trying to make a point by being rash, yes, but I have seen this happen to many many friends. Don't let it happen to you.

What Guys Said 21

  • I think you should let this guy go like fucking Right NOW! He already has warped view of what a r/s & it only spells heartaches & heartbreaks in your future. End it! End it NOW! He's already finding ways to control and manipulate your into doing what he wants.

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    • Was I being a slut? I didn't feel like the older man was flirting. I thought he was being polite. But my boyfriend said I was naive and that I dont know mens true motives? Should I have told the older man that I have a boyfriend instead of have a nice day?

    • @Asker - You were being polite! Not a slut, your bf is fucked in the head & I would like to know his TRUE MOTIVES instead. Why can't you have the freedom to simply be polite, and you telling the elderly man that you have a bf is none of his business infact he wasn't even asking! You're no slut. Were you not at work? It's your damn job to be nice to people especially in retail. All this name calling this early on in the r/s is blatant red flags, you need to ditch this guy. There's NOTHING you can do that he won't misconstrue into something that is not.

  • Your boyfriend is pretty fucking insecure...
    He cray crayyyyyy

    cdn.buzznet.com/.../...-large-msg-136770793215.jpg

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    • You're NOT a slut

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    • Should I wait until he changes? How long do you think it will take?

    • Dude needs to go through a heart break or two to realize he's crazy...
      I'm not gonna tell you what to do, but if I were you I'd just end it.

  • He sounds like a fucking moron, and I mean that in the nicest way possible. Drop the loser and move on. You did nothing wrong. He sounds like an insecure control freak. You deserve better.

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    • Was I being a slut? I told him I have to be nice because I am a cashier. He told me that a job shouldn't make me slutty. I didn't think the man was flirting with me? Do you think the older man was flirting or being polite?

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    • So he was right? The older man was flirting? It didn't feel like it because he left right away.

    • Whether he was flirting or not is irrelevant. Your boyfriend needs to go.

  • Well according to your narrow minded boyfriend, doing the following '' He compliments me, spends time, listens to my problems'' a man only does those things if he wants to sleep with a woman. So call him out on this ignorant thinking.

    Honestly, he sounds quite ignorant. Old men compliment people all the time... an old woman AND old man have both said similar things to me '' Good looking young man'' '' Handsome man''. Did they wanna fuck me? Nooooooooooooo.

    ''Men pretend to like the same things to try and get with a girl'' Sounds like to me you can't believe a word he says. You may very well have nothing in common... Do you know WHY he thinks all men do this? It's because HE does this personally.

    Also... you see old man in their 70's 80's hell some may even be in their 90's they compliment a woman's beauty, do you honestly think their penis worked? At 70-90 you know their penis has no function-ability what so ever in that department.

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    • Hahaha Narrow-minded exactly what i was going to say. U should seriously get MHO lol hahahaha the last paragraph "do you honestly think their penis worked" Im literally lmao.

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    • You are right that when much older men compliment young women they aren't doing it expecting to have sex with her. But you are wrong about the sex lives of older people. Older people are much more sexual than you seem to believe. The desire never goes away and plenty of older men are perfectly capable of enjoying sex. Many men in their 70's have fathered children.

    • In general sex drive and function-ability of organs decline. You're just lucky, healthy. How old are you?

  • Sounds like a fucking nutcase.
    Get a new boyfriend.

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  • Looks to me your bf is controlling. That's not good to be honest. It seems he doesn't trust you. After all relationships are built on trust. If a guy compliments a woman it isn't because he wants to sleep with them. It's just called 'being nice'. Something so, so many people lack. If everyone on this planet was nice; there'd be no war or violence. The fact he made you close down your FB shows he lacks trust. Clearly. A compliment can change someone's day so easily. Just a little 'You look good, have a nice day'. Could potentially save someone's life. That person could be depressed. They might be considering suicide. That compliment could make them feel better. 'It's the little things in life that make it worth living' Summerizes that.

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  • Actually ur boy friend is a really jealous n a jerk
    U better broke up with him...
    U will get better one

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  • Some guys have ulterior motives, but this guy didn't. He just was being polite. Your boy better stop being jealous, or you should walk out the door. Your boy is naive, not you.

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    • And you're not a slut.

    • The man wasn't flirting? It felt like he was only being polite. My boyfriend isn't always this jealous. These are the first times. The Facebook and the customer. I told him that I love him but he needs to trust me. He said a lot of girls cannot be trusted if even virgins cannot be trusted. I love him but he does worry me when he gets very jealous like that.

    • Did I say he was flirting with you? No. I said he was being polite. It sounds like he wasn't flirting. If he was flirting, he would still be there trying to get your phone number. I think virgins are more trusting then non-virgins. You may need to dump this guy. Unless you get him to a therapist, it doesn't look too good of a guy for you already.

  • Your boyfriend is insane. The longer you stay with him the worse it will get. Get away. Far away.

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    • Do you think I was being a slut? It didn't sound like the older man was flirting to me. But my boyfriend said its because I dont understand men. Was I being a slut? Should I have told him I have a boyfriend instead of have a nice day?

    • You should just tell him have a nice day. After that, you could tell him you have a boyfriend if he still was flirting with you. There's no reason you can't tell a person to have a nice day, whether he's your boyfriend or not.

    • If you blurted out, "I have a boyfriend" that would have been weird. A lot of old men harmlessly flirt with younger girls because it makes them feel young again and they don't mean anything by it especially if it was something like, "Have a nice day pretty lady."

  • Lmao, your boyfriend is crazy, time to break up!

    Like, now. Right now. Make sure he cannot physically hurt you and aren't completely alone when you do.

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  • You need to skip and go to the next.

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    • Do you mean leave my boyfriend? Do you think I was being a slut?

    • Yes leave him. Trust me on this one! Most girls think their bf being "protective" is a sign of care and it makes you feel safe but trust me their is nothing cute about it. At least not later in time.

  • Pretty sure this is a troll post. No way a guy like that can manage to have had 2 gf's

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  • Your BF is odd...

    He's a virgin himself right?

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    • Yes we are both virgins. he's my first boyfriend and I am his second girlfriend.

  • He sounds like a controlling, immature little boy. Save yourself years of grief and move on. You're just starting out, so don't allow yourself to fall into a pattern of accepting this kind of behavior from the guys you date. Better single and let someother girl deal with his crap. YEARS OF GRIEF! All the best to you.

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    • Best would be going to the cops and explaining the abuse so she can get a restraining order filed and he'll get a record (if he doesn't already have one) if he breaks it, which he probably will cuz they always do, he'll go to court, probably wind up with a short sentence of community service, but either way will get a record and put on parole and gain attention from cops so that the next time he acts this way (which he will cuz they all do) and she hopefully goes to the cops too, he'll wind up with a more serious sentence (3-5yr in jail most likely) and if she doesn't say anything and he gets physical (which he prob will cuz most do) someone will say something, it'll get investigated, and they'll be well aware so he can get life when he murders her

  • He is the naive one, not you. Dump his sorry ass and find a guy who actually respects you. Men can be nice to girls without any ulterior motives. He's just a jealous prick.

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  • You REALLY need to get rid of this. I mean REALLY.

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  • he's obviously just jealous and young with relationship. he needs to learn to coop and not hurt others.

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  • Whoa, I'm a semi-jealous boyfriend with some insecurites... and to me that is by far the most insane thing ever. he WILL become abusive physically if you stay.

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  • Your boyfriend is an idiot

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  • While he's somewhat right, I'm sure he was just being an ass because he thought you were going to cheat. I'm guessing you wound up leaving him

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  • What the fuck? You are boyfriend is overly jealous and yeah you are right. your customer was just being polite and cheerful and he didn't ask for anything like your number. There was nothing wrong there. Your boyfriend is just overly jealous. also If you can't have a proper social life because of his jealousy, dump his sorry ass. That's my advice. With his logic, he is only complimenting you all the time to get in your pants. You are not a slut and it's good to have social interaction with opposite sex. He might be your first boyfriend but definitely not your last.

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What Girls Said 18

  • Lol, seems like everything a girl do makes them a slut. A girl have sex=slut. A boy have sex... nobody says anything. But seriously, NO WAY IS THIS A SLUT BEHAVIOR!! Definition of slut: a woman who has many CASUAL SEX PARTNERS!!
    And yea, time to get a new boyfriend, he doesn't deserve u. Complimenting u doesn't mean he wanna have sex with u. He has the wrong mindset here.

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  • Tell me your trolling right now asking everyone who responds if you were being a slut or not! So my guess is either you are that stupid that you do not see your crazy boyfriends faults, your naive as
    Hell or you just really have low self esteem about yourself! Your boyfriend is a psycho and how could you possibly be a slut if the guy was saying have a nice day? People like you boggle my mind because you never face the facts of
    Whats in front of you

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    • I am not trolling. He is my first boyfriend and I am not sure if I was being slutty.

    • Oh lord no you weren't

      Please think like actually think

  • Basically your boyfriend is an overly possessive asshole that needs to have 100% control over you at all times because he's also a control freak with incredible jealousy issues.
    Dump him.

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  • Yo I honestly think that you need to get out of this relationship with the person that you're in this relationship with right now because this is not ok. He basically forced you to delete your facebook because he's jealous like this is not OK like you may like him and he may be nice and he may be sweet he may be your first boyfriend but like really? he called you a slut and NO if it was an older man he was just being nice he was being only being kind not all guys are out for one or two things you know
    ? some older men are genuinely polite people they are gentlemens and your boyfriend does not seem like a gentleman whatsoever and nobody wants to hear shit talk about their boyfriend but the fact that you had to delete your facebook because he's jealous is completely psychotic and I'm utterly confused. I really feel like you need to tell him to chill you really need to tell him to chill because it's only going to get worse from here I promise you that I will only get worse. be safe girl. xo

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  • That's ridiculous, he shouldn't say that though he loves you a lot and doesn't want anyone to get near you and take you away, i had to erase my Facebook too when my ex said that too many guys are sending me friend requests or too many message me i wasn't even allowed to wear tight clothes, well i fully understand you tell him to relax and do as he says for a while until he calms down

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    • I do what he says but he tells me a new thing is slutty. I dont see the things as slutty but he says they are. If I do what he says will he stay calm? He says he only gets jealous because he doesn't want to lose me but doesn't want to be with a slut either. We are both virgins.

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    • But I dont want to hurt him. I have told him to respect me because I respect him. He says I don't respect him by acting like a slut. I think he feels bad because everyone tells him how lucky he is to have a pretty girl like me. He says why are people so shallow and say that I'm lucky to have him. I tell him I am lucky to have him but he says he wishes other people would say that.

    • Why are you so kind? You need to be mean sometimes! He'll keep calling you names and won't change his behaviour at all

  • Time to call it a quit, if you ask me. Some guys are just being polite like you said. Plus, I think it's pretty normal for an older man to call a girl who's a lot younger than him something sweet. I know an old lady who would call me sweetie every time she sees me, and my high school teacher who always calls me honey because I was his favorite student. There was nothing sexual or flirty about it whatsoever.

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  • Your boyfriend is an immature and insecure little boy. You ask how long it will take before he changes? I figure 5 to 7 years. Drop this idiot. Really everybody's telling you that. You are far better than this psychotic nerd

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  • If you're not a troll you're dense and in denial. He's abusing you. If he really did dump his last gf and didn't in actuality murder, chop up her body, and bury it in his backyard, it wasn't cuz she was "a slut" it was cuz she moved away to keep from his crap and probably wound up either in witness protection or a psych unit

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  • Wow. Why is he so insecure? By the way what people say about you doesn't define who you are. Especially over something like that. All you did was being polite.

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  • You're not a slut so stop letting your boyfriend manipulating your mind into believing yourself that you are one. You didn't flirt or engage in any sexual content with the guy or anyone.

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  • He's very insecure and that's not good for you trust an ex of mine was just like that n things just got even worse the longer I stayed with him... it's better to end it and look for someone better (preferably not a insecure guy)

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  • If he calls you or a girl a "slut" stay away from him. And u were just being nice. No offense but, your boyfriend is not a good one

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    • Wait a minute, you're saying "if he calls you a slut, stay away from him" but then you yourself just asked if you're a slut. What if people on your question start calling you a slut. Are you just going to ignore them? You need to be able to take the truth, not matter how harsh

  • best advice girl... read have away to the jealous part... leave him

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  • Write to me about being called a slut...

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  • Not in a million yers if I would date such a fucking jerk. He doesn't own you, and is by the way completely wrong. If he where mine he would have been dumped a long time ago.

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  • WoW he's overly jelouse.
    He could've just hold your hands and answered for you lol. Simettimes this cAn be cute, Like he's protecting you. But callling tou names Like that is over The line

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  • What your boyfriend said was unreasonable. Sometimes guys have ulterior motives, but sometimes not. Personally, I think it would be weird for that guy to say something as innocent as that and then you blurt out, "I have a boyfriend." He wasn't coming on to you. Calling you slutty for the reasons you described is simply unreasonable and if he doesn't straighten up, you should leave that relationship in my opinion.

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    • I told him I didn't feel like the old man was flirting? My boyfriend said I was too naive to see his it because I'm a girl. What do you think I should do? I told him how much his jealousy hurts me because he calls me names. He apologizes and says he wouldn't do that if I wasn't slutty. That he loves me and doesn't want to lose me but to not be a slut because no man wants a slut.

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    • I told him he needs to trust me because I love him. But he said my actions. prove otherwise.

    • It sounds like your boyfriend is a complete and utter jerk. There is nothing wrong with you, there is something wrong with him.

  • I'd dump him or at least get really pissed.

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