Why do women want to be friends with guys they don't want to date?

Surely if a guy is a fun enough person to be considered a friend, he could be considered a boyfriend? I just don't understand it. I hear a lot of the time about how guys who complain about "the friendzone" are just mad that the girls reject them, but why do they reject them at all?

Updates:
So it seems not every girl is the same. Go figure. If only I wasn't such a pathetic loser haha!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Women value relationships. Period. We don't need sex from each and every person of the opposite sex that we are in some type of "relationship" with.. it's not our main goal. I know lots of people (men and women) that I really really like, as people, and definitely want in my life but not to have sex with. It's nice to have a wide variety of both male and female relationships without all the hassle that wanting sex from them can bring, ya know?

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    • I think I understand know. I don't agree with and I probably am a misogynist because of this but at least I understand it.

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    • There are PLENTY of women who don't want a relationship and just want to sleep around. Did you go to high school? I know countless girls, usually late teens/early 20s, who want nothing to do with a relationship but will have one night stands or friends with benefits style hookups. I find your opinion confusing. Women are not a different species. Guys and girls are very similar in many ways. Just because one girl only wants a serious relationship doesn't mean we all do. Conversely, there are plenty of guys I know who are only interested in emotional connections with women and aren't interested in female friends that wouldn't potentially be a girlfriend. It works both ways.

    • Just because you want to date someone doesn't mean you're automatically gonna have sex with them. The difference is more than just sex. There's people who don't have sex with significant others. It's like the feeling you have and if you could love them or be romantic with them and if you want to be like intimate and close with them. But it is more like whether or not you want to kiss them

What Girls Said 129

  • I'm not attracted to him
    He has too much baggage for a relationship
    You've seen the way he treats other women and u know he wouldn'tmake a good bf
    He has traits that make him undatable

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    • Why would you be friends with a Guy who treats people badly?

    • Well I can't police ppls behavior. If it's a guy that I'm cool with but I know he flirts with other girls and possibly cheats in a relationship , I'm not the one dating him. Thats something his gf gotta deal with. I would just know that due to his past behavior me and him wouldn't work as a couple. That doesn't mean he's a horrible person in general or wouldn't make a good friend

  • No. With dating your standards are different and higher. For example - I'll be friends with a stupid guy if he is a good person but I am not going to date him same with a guy who has a lot of health problems or a guy who cheats or a guy who sleeps around. We can be friends but dating is out of the question.

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  • A better question is why would men want to be friends with girls they want to date?
    That's creepy. I don't make friends with males nor females if I secretly wanna bone or date them.

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    • I think it'd be unhealthy to only get into friendships for the sole purpose of trying to get a date. Humans, male and female in particular, have the capacity of connecting with the opposite sex without sex or a romantic relationship.

  • Hmm. Sometimes I think girls want guy friends for a number of reasons. Some girls just like guys better than girls, girls can get stressful with all their drama and gossip, sometimes it's fun to joke around with the guys and let lose. (Thats me lol). Some girls use guys to make themselves feel better. She could've just gone through a breakup and looks for some guy friends to compliment her, make her feel pretty, make her ex see how friendly she is with other guys (a girl was like that with my bf before). I don't know man. Girls are some crazy creatures.

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  • Women are nurturing by nature and even though we can't see ourselves having a relationship with a particular guy doesn't mean we can't see them as the good person they are. Most of us see people for who they are and whether we want a relationship or a friendship from them. If you have a good heart and personality I can be friends with you and never look at you any other way unless my heart and head can see you the same way we will likely just always be friends. Love and relationships for a woman is more mental than physical. Get her head and you will likely capture her heart.

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  • You don't have any female friends who's company you enjoy, but don't necessarily want to date them? Come on, man. Just because you like spending time with someone, doesn't mean that a relationship would work with them. Sometimes the physical attraction is just not there, or maybe while they are really awesome to be around, they just don't possess the qualities that you'd look for in a partner.

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  • I honestly don't have many guy friends and sometimes I do ponder about flirting with the guy friends I do have lol cause I'm single. I personally don't try to form strong relationships with guy friends or get too close to them if I'm not at all attracted to them in fear that they may start liking me and I don't want to go down that road of awkwardness or being nice and letting them down.. and I don't play games with guys heads so if I'm not at all attracted to a guy I'll just keep him as an acquaintance honestly.

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  • Hello There! Just because someone sees another as a great friend does not mean that the person will find that friend physically attractive or attractive in other ways that they deem important in an intimate relationship. Most of us have friends of the opposite sex that we adore! but that we could never see ourselves dating and thats okay. Friendship is typically based upon an admiration, affection , adoration or genuine love for someone's positive personality traits or social compatibility. Friends are people that we can be ourselves around and have fun with. However, friendship may come with a totally different set of requirements when compared to a relationship/dating. There are some things that you may share/accept with a friend that you may not share/accept with a GF/BF and vice versa. Do you have any friends of the opposite sex that you wouldn't date? if so, this same view also applies to girls. When it comes to relationships, all of us tend to have some sort of "ideal" in our heads. This "ideal" is where the terms "trophy wife" and "tall, dark & handsome" come from LOL. We all want OUR ideal of perfection in a mate. Furthermore, boys/guys tend to end up in the "Friendzone" because they are not being honest. Some guys have a tendency to just be at a girl's beck and call, assuming that one day she will see them as the perfect match but that is not how things work. If you like a girl, just let her know. Girls have grown accustomed to the more traditional approach where a guy asks them out and thus, proves his interest in them. Otherwise, she will just assume that you are a "nice guy" that does not want to get into her pants and that she can trust to just be herself around so don't front if just being her friend is not your true intention, otherwise you may come across as a sneaky creep. The best relationships do start as genuine friendships so boys should try being genuine friends as opposed to "fake" friends with hopes of eventually seeing their "friend" naked.

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    • id rather he tell me he likes me so I have time to adjust to the idea. A friend asking me out is a it too abrupt... But otherwise yeah you should be clear and not hide your intention.

  • In order for this not to be a biased conversation, I'd like to state that girls are "friend zoned" just as much as boys are.
    Saying that if a boy is good enough to be a friend, he must be dating material too, is ignorant. that's the same as saying if another girl posses the same qualities we value in a friendship, we might as well date them too.
    Relationships between human beings are more complex than that. We weren't created for the soul purpose of mating. Our minds are complex. We have likes and dislikes. We have the ability to form all sorts of relationships. There are a lot of factors that go into why a girl falls for a guy or a guy falls for a girl. Some are blatant and obvious, some are a mystery to all. Which is why we should compare ourselves to others when they are chosen for a relationship and we are not. We are all unique. And we all have some out there for us. Some people are meant only to be friends. And it's not because they are not worthy/good enough. Just simply that it's not meant to be. It just simply doesn't work.

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  • Some women could have sex with you and still just want to be friends too... sex doesn't make a relationship either... some women find that friendships last longer than relationships ( it can be a safe zone) if she doesn't want to lose a person she truly adores and gets along with, laughs with, shops with and yes has good sex with... she feels safe with that person... but she doesn't want a relationship because relationships come and go...

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  • Guys can be friends just like girls can be friends. Some people are just nice and fun to hang around with but there is no sexual chemistry between us. I think the problem is that some guys see every girl as a potential partner, instead of just appreciating the person.

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  • Personally it depends. Are we really close friends or just friendly? Sometimes I might come across as friendly because I dont want to be rude.
    Even if we are really friends I might not be attracted to them. I would like to think I am not vain, so if I really really do get along with someone I would also like to be with them but thats not the case with everyone.
    It could be that she doesn't think they are really good boyfriend material. I dont care if you have commitment problems, if you cheat or date tons of women if we are just friends.
    It might even be something simpler : usually when I am interested in one guy, I ignore all the rest. I might technically be single but my mind is already set on someone.
    or maybe he is such a great friend that she doesn't want to risk losing that. Most relationships dont last for forever. so why ruin a friendship that could?
    She might not be ready for a serious relationship. I personally dont do one night stands and stuff but there are girls who only want to have some fun.

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  • I am friends with men I have no sexual attraction towards. I have never been just friends with a guy I've fancied.

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  • Usually, it's because I really care about him and don't want to lose him completely from my life. Guys I really appreciate as a person tend to have a way of disappearing from my life if I sleep with 'em.
    Giving him what he wants seems to take away his interest in being friends or give rise to feelings he doesn't know how to deal with so he just kind of fades out.

    Very occasionally, I'll change my mind on a guy if their relationship behaviour is such that a solid relationship transcending a particular relationship form is possible, that is what i'm looking at is now how good a bf he is, but how good is he at breaking up?

    Renegotiating a friendship to a romantic relationship and then back to a friendship again if it doesn't work out without holding grudges or considering it a failure is just way too much to ask of 98% of men.. There's very few guys who can handle themselves emotionally like that. So I take the friendship, instead of loneliness and a load of hurt feelings, which is what being too free with who I'm open to dating has gotten me in the past.

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  • Maybe she doesn't want a relationship with anyone at the moment, or she might just see them as a friend if the attraction isn't there, or if he's a really good friend, she might not want to make things complicated. If they date she might end up losing him altogether if things don't work out.

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  • Same reason girls are friends other girls. Just because you enjoy being around someone and you have fun with them doesn't mean you're sexually or romantically interested in someone. Honestly, even the vast majority of people I'm sexually interested in I'm not romantically interested in.

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  • I find a guy datable if I feel butterflies in my stomach and get happy every time I see them. If I friend zone a guy, it's probably because I don't feel enough attraction or just don't think of them that way.

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  • Uh, because we can't date every bloody man that shows interest? How is this not obvious to you?

    And we actually view men as potential PLATONIC companions, not just a fuckable piece of ass.

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    • And for the record: none of my male friends are "backup". Fucking bitter losers and their bitter whinings, I swear... /facepalm

  • Okay, talking from a messy experience with my guy best friend it's complicated. I wanted to be friends as he was somebody I got along with, was sweet to me & I could really trust. However I never found him attractive, a fact to this day he still tries to change. He even went to lengths of getting a girlfriend to get over it then telling me he loves me & wants to marry me. Not really a girls fault if she genuinely cares about the guy but can't see herself with him. Also know that telling a guy this & knowing he's hurting from it is horrible! Like I love my best friend to pieces & if another girl hurt him I'd be pissed at her, but hurting him myself upset me because I care a lot for him. The friendzone sucks for all that are involved!

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  • because there is nothing wrong with but you guys seem to treat it like it's a sin, stop being so frigid lol

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  • There's a difference between finding someone attractive in a brotherly way and in a romantic way.

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  • Women like to have friends of the opposite sex. Sometimes we feel as if being anything more might mess up the friendship if we were ever to breakup. We like being able to talk to men and be close to them without any relationship or sexual relations. I'm sure most women consider having a relationship with the men that they call their friends or best friends, but sometimes we just don't like you all in that type of way. Most of the time its quite easy to have friends of the same sex. But its not as easy to have friends of the opposite sex without thinking about having a relationship. I know from personal experience that I love to have guys as just friends to talk to about anything. I like to get their point of view on things instead of just asking my girl friends

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  • Would you rather be friend zoned or be in a girl's harem consisting of some dozen guys?

    Seriously though, sometimes the guy is simply not attractive enough. Harsh, but true. There was this one guy who I think had a serious crush on me (he would never leave me alone, ever), but he looked 10 at the age of 18 and I could barely imagine touching him for longer than 5 seconds (plus, he barely showered back then). He was nice and all but dear God, I'd rather date someone I can actually imagine going to bed with... at least I'm honest.

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  • The same reason some guys don't want to date a female friend... the "spark" just isn't there. Don't forget girls can get "friend zoned" too.

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  • I usually put someone in the friend-zone within meeting them for the first time. If I don't feel attracted to the person and see myself dating them I usually put them in an off-limits zone. This doesn't mean I find the person unattractive, it just means I have to feel immediate chemistry. I wouldn't take it personally. If someone had really good banter and was cheeky I would usually find myself more attracted to them, but that's just me. If you're meeting someone for the first time confidence is really important (without being cocky).

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  • No. Just no. There's a lot more involved in attraction than just being fun. I like my friends who are girls but I don't want to date them either.

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  • I am both friends with guys I have a huge interest in and guys who are great people but just not my type. For me I like a strong alpha male type one who won't settle for the friendzone, the types I put in the friendzone are meek and more quiet simply because to compliment my personality I need a more take charge confident guy. I'm more shy and quiet and I need someone who brings out my loud and I can feed off of their energy. How ever my friends enjoy the meeker guys it's all about preference and one day all those who were friendzoned will find someone who would never put them there :)

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  • It's simple really. We think he is great and fun to be around, but we're not sexually attracted to him. We don't think you're attractive, that's it.

    Sometimes if you've known each other for a long time, that might also be the reason. It'd be weird to date and you feel you can't go back to being friends if it doesn't work out. But in general it's a lack of physical attraction

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  • Just because we have girls who are friends dosnt mean we would date them just like if we had a guy who was a friend dosnt mean we would date them I have a lot of guy friends and girl friends I could not be in a relationship with common interest are only one part to a relationship

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  • i have male friends that i find attractive and love to death, but don't want to date (and vice versa). there doesn't have to be a negative thing about that person, some people you just don't see that way.

    i feel like there's this twisted idea that a woman's time with man should always lead to romance or sex. that's not how things are. women don't owe men sex for their time and men don't owe women sex for their time. it's like walking up to a person and saying "hey, do you want to have sex now?" and if they go "dafuq!" you're like "you're a waste of time." and leave.

    men and women are more than just their bodies. we don't just connect with sex. there's so much to be said about a male/female relationship that is SUCCESSFUL because it survives all this bullshit.

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What Guys Said 33

  • Man you sound desperate.

    If a guy is fun enough, he can be considered a fun friend.

    A 'boyfriend' is different from a 'fun friend'. Boyfriend have specific requirements and responsibilities that make them boyfriend. It MAY include being 'fun', but it doesn't encompass it. And of course, the reverse does not apply.

    A girl may occasionally date a guy she isn't attracted to... and on the very rare occasion she may become attracted to him, but don't count on that kind of chance if you really want to live your life properly.

    Okay, a better answer would be this -

    Love is unconditional, but relationships are conditional. And if you're an idiot who warps the meaning of the word "love", or are too weak to use it... then we can call it "Friends" is unconditional, but relationships are.

    Basically, girls are quite advanced in their understanding of this concept that they don't really have to break it down, and few guys get it.

    Women want to be friends with friends. Because friends. This group of friends can include guys they don't want to date. Why? Because guys they don't want to date.

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    • Easy with the criticisms there dude, we've all been there. Otherwise I agree with you.

      Girls have a much wider margin of people that they like, but don't want to have sex with than men do. The point is not to let yourself become ashamed by wanting to have sex with someone who dosen't want to have sex with you. As long as you two never have sex, there is no problem there.

      The "friend zone" is a good place to be, it gives you a chance to improve your skills in overcoming your shyness with the opposite sex, and you have a new friend! The friend zone works when you: make an effort to be a good friend, and drop ALL hope of sleeping with the person (very hard), and be happy as friends. You'll find out very quickly if you really like the person or not, too. So few guys get this...

  • Girls are attracted to personality types and patterns of behavior because of how that makes them FEEL. #1 personality type is the outgoing, self-confident, assertive, life-of-the-party type, and the #2 personality type is the bad body, jerk-type a**hole who treats women lke sh*t. Both these types stir up some FEELINGS in women that women can't help but respond to. The nice guy? He stirs up the feeling women wish they were with a bad boy. Women would rather be treated like crap than be with a spineless nice guy who is afraid to display he finds the girl sexually attractive. The nice guy will display what he thinks are great boyfriend qualities the whole time and hope that one day, surely she'll come to her senses and realize the two of them are rigt for each other. Never happens.

    The ironic thing is, women are attracted to those two types of guys but yet will spend the relationship trying to turn them into the kind of guys they never want in the first place. If women succceed in turning them into the nice guy, they'll become disgusted at how the guy has changed and will dump him to look for another badboy jerk who will treat her like his own person f*cktoy, use her, and throw her away.

    So ladies, if you have a nice guy friend in your life? HE DOES IN FACT WANT TO F*CK YOU, but is either too afraid to make the first move, or because of his upbringing (religious perhaps) he is uncomfortable displaying behavior that shatters his perfect idea of what he wants women to be. He imagines that in no way could they be promiscuous and believes he should be a gentleman and treat her with respect, but yet doing that is a complete turnoff to a woman. It generates no attraction whatsoever.
    Also, a guy can act like an idiot and make a fool of himself, and women will eat it up... because of how that makes them FEEL.
    So, act like a jerk and treat a woman like crap = success. Be outgoing and self-confident = success, act like an idiot and make a fool of yourself = success.

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  • Why aren't guys interested in friendly guys? If they're fun enough to be considered friends, why couldn't they be considered boyfriends?

    To be fair, I'd probably sleep with any of my very close friends, guy or girl, but I seem to be in the minority there.

    But being friendly doesn't have a whole lot of bearing (for many ppl) on whether a guy is "attractive" (in the "hot" sense). It can make a difference in whether she's actually interested in sleeping with him, but friendly maybe isn't enough to trip those attraction circuits. Just like you might not attracted to a random friendly dude, there's no reason to assume you'll be attracted to a random friendly girl.

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  • Women and men are very similar in their sex drives, but very different in the pickyness for thier targets. As every woman is different, each woman will have a different reason for "wanting to fuck" or more commonly "not wanting to fuck" you (no offence).

    She could just be not attracted to you, and then she will hate herself if she has sex with you anyway, which is usually not as much of a problem for guys. Girls do milk the role as decider sometimes, and you need to avoid women that do that too much. Being a tease is one thing, but yeah, they can get out of hand with thier filters, which hurts them more than us usually.

    One bit of advice, if you have feelings for a woman, and she knows it and religates you to the friend zone anyway, you have to be 100%, no 1000% over her before you can be friends. Do not get strung along, which many insecure woman seceretly love to do with hapless men.

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  • Sure the friendzone ain't fun, but it isn't inescapable. If you're in the friendzone you have a better chance of showing her why she should date you than if she hated you and wanted nothing to do with you. If you look around on the Internet there are plenty of tactics, strategies, and approaches given to move from being her friend to being her boyfriend. Sure some of them come with a hefty price tag, but at least it gives you a fighting chance right?

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  • Nope... not how that works. Friend status to a girl means, "I want you to keep hanging around and giving me attention but I don't want to date you because I don't find you attractive enough." It's as simple as that. It's a flat out lie on a woman's part.

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  • Because they aren't physically attracted to the guy. Truthfully friends have to be attracted to each other's personalities, so all that leaves to be unattracted to are looks.
    There's no other logical explanation.

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    • Actually I just realized I only become good friends with girls who I'd probably tap if I was offered the chance. But I don't want to make all of them my girlfriend. So I have no fuckin clue what it is.

  • I've been friends with a LOT of women I never dated. One of my best friends is married, and her husband has nothing to worry about. He's a pretty cool guy, too.

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  • Because the woman is not attracted to him. Therefore he's a great guy, but she won't take a man she doesn't want to fuck. Sorry if it hirts but this is true for everyone, male and female. The real problem is the criteria that define attraction, which are truly unfair, but instinctive. So a woman would need to have a full sized change of mindset to surpass her instincts, and thats something really hard to do.

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  • It's simple. Both sexes like sluts of the opposite sex.

    Men want to use female sluts--girls who will give up sex easily, but most men would not want to date a slut. They want a girl who doesn't just dish out her sexuality like it's Halloween .

    Women use male sluts--the men who will be supportive, and help keep a girl feeling confident/wanted, without requiring sex or affection. But they date the men who don't just dish out their emotional support, they date men who make girls earn it.

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  • Backup plans and networking.

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  • well women are not obliged to date all the guys they know... i'm sure she's not attracted to all of her male friends... same goes with the guy... i can be friends with girls but i dont want to date to some of them

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  • The truth is that there isn't one answer that fits all. Some answers may apply to some situations and others to separate situations. You have to assess it on a case-by-case basis. Not every girl has the same personality and even girls with similar personalities have identical relationships with those around them. In the end some factor prevents that connection. The reasons are irrelevant because you can't convince people to see you in a way they do not or are not willing to accept.

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  • Females like having someone that is there for them. From personal experience I know it makes me feel really good about myself to have that male relationship that I can always fall back on. She may even somewhat like u but not understand that she does or maybe even doesn't want to like u in that way (this is how I feel about my close guy friend). I had a couple male friends I felt this way about and now I'm dating a guy who was my best friend and its one of the best relationships I've ever had so don't give up hope but don't wait around eithor.
    Ik it's long sorry lol

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  • Women like to collect a "stable" of "Gelding men" admirers, so to speak. That is, they like having attention from men, but only would ever want to be intimate with a few of them.

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    • Yeah, its hard not to be a bit offend by that, too. I find that not all women do this, but you are deff more likely to encounter them on any of your online dating sites, which are often designed with that game in mind to some extent, I think.

  • For one to be boyfriend material I guess a woman has to feel the need to have physical intimacy with the guy. With out physical intimacy I am afraid you end as the friend. And I don't think women intentionally throw guys into the friendzone it just naturally happens that the guy is not offering the physical intimacy a girl is looking for yet he has all the attributes of a great guy and that naturally books him a spot in the friendzone.

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  • Its in their innate nature to seek validation from male and the bridge from a friend to her lover is thin.. After all she is emotionally motivated and who wants to turn off someone who likes you..

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  • i love seeing how varied all the answers are. To put it basically : girls are complicated as fuck and have no idea what they want. :P

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  • its called FRIEND ZONE and its one of the most heat breaking things for men they just do it as an excuse to what they think its ugly cause for women its either rich and ugly or poor and ugly you choose what you want be cause they already did bro*brofist* just don't mind them who friend zoned you and keep on searching.
    KEEP CALM AND FUCK HER RIGHT IN THE PUSSY

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  • Because they need a back up plan.

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  • Women tend to value friendships with guys more than men value friendships with girls. If you're a man you are seen as weak if you only have girls that are friends.

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    • What you value and what you worry people will think are not the same thing. People value all sorts of things secretly. Plus I don't know where your from but in areas where peope respect women , men are not looked down upon for having a lot of female friends.

  • From a man's point of view, whether you enter the 'friendzone' or not is entirely up to you. If you approach a girl at the friend level you are doomed from the start. Don't be too serious and concerned. Approach as if you want to be a sexual partner, and be prepared for more rejection, but get the right scores as well.

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  • Because they aren't required to date you if you are their friend. If the girl only wants to be your friend, then that's something you are just going to have to live with. Friendship does not mean it is going to turn into a dating relationship.

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  • The same reason sports teams have more players on the roster than they have feild positions. They need to keep a few potentials on the bench in case things don't go to plan.

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  • Woman DO NOT want to be FRIENDS with a guy they do not date. They only say they do to avoid drama from the guy who is being rejected. Men and women can only be "temporary platonic acquaintances" at best and that ends when one of them finds a full time romantic partner.

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  • They want the attention and validation that those men give them.

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    • That's a bit much. We all want at least a little attention and validation from our friends, but you're saying 50% of people only want that? Come on!

  • Nice way to say NO i guess.

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  • because they don;t like them in that way...

    women and men can like people on different levels...

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  • If a woman doesn't want to date me, I have no use for her. Sorry that might sound bad, I don't want a female friend.

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    • Booo! This attitude sucks!

    • That's pretty fucked up. Most relationships start out as being good friends.

    • I don't care? I have no use for random female friends. Your opinions won't change my mind.

  • It flatters their egos.

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