Will sleeping with a guy who isn't ready for a relationship complicate things? is he worth waiting around for?

I have been dating a guy for a couple of weeks and things felt like they where getting serious. we spent almost every day together and our dates have been long and wonderful. he's taken me
On many dates which no other guy has cared enough to think about taking me on and I feel as if we could talk about anything together. he even took me on a date to meet his mum on her bfs boat on a day trip to some islands. thing is we had a chat recently about where we where at and he's told me that he really really like me but he isn't ready for a relationship. he told me he wants to keep seeing me because he really enjoys my company and I'm such a great chick. He came out o relationship recently where his ex cheated on him and is using emotional blackmail to pressure him into taking her back. she cut her wrists and showed up at his door crying asking him for permission to kill herself. she was also very controlling and needy in the relationship and he is worried about that happening again. he said he knows I'm not like that because I seem very different and independent but he wants to be sure. he said he wishes he had met me in a few months when he would have been ready because he would have snapped me up. he also said he could be ready later on but can't promise me anything.. Is he worth sticking around for, do guys ever change their minds or should I just move on. i have not slept with him yet but would doing so be a bad idea? I really like this guy.

Updates:
thanks everyone for your advice. I have decided that I must try my best not to sleep with him. I still want to see him for now because I really enjoy his company.. He is still asking me on dates that are both this week and a couple of months in the future.. he thought I went on a date with someone else the other night and he got a bit jealous but then told me he knows he doesn't have the right to say anything.. At the same time I noticed that he has updated his dating profile
To make himself sound more interesting. It kind of hurts that he's done that even though I know we are not together. makes me wonder if I should just leave him be for now and cancel all of our dates.. What would any of you do in my situation?
Ok so a bit of an update of the situation, a week after we had that talk he asked me to be exclusive with him. he said he realized he didn't want to be with anyone else or want me to be with anyone else. we have both met each other's friend and spent a lot of quality time together. we are going on a camping trip this weekend. yes I have slept with him now. his ex still is in his life because he is afraid she will commit suicide.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • DON'T!!! FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING BRIGHT AND BEAUTIFUL, DON'T!!!
    I speak from experience (not with sex, but with physical intimacy). The closer you get physically, the closer you'll become emotionally. You can't help it. If you do and things don't work out, it WILL hurt much, MUCH more than if you'd waited to see how things go. You don't sleep with him, worst case scenario is that he can't commit, and you think, crap. Now I'll never see him naked! You DO sleep with him, worst case scenario (other than crazy ex finding out and committing suicide) is that he can't commit, things break off, and after given a piece of yourself physically and emotionally to him, it's thrown away. It feels like it's for nothing.

    I don't know if I really regret ALL of the kisses with my ex-girlfriend, but I definitely regret some of the words I've said, some of the kisses I gave her, the times I held her, because things didn't work out, and now it feels like that was all wasted on her. At the very least, I should have saved all of that for someone who was more compatible and with whom I could have a successful, close relationship.

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What Guys Said 21

  • No sleeping with him. Reiterated millions of times. You can try being his friend though, and hang out and do stuff like fishing etc.

    You're the awesome chick, so he would like some bromance with a girl. Remember to be normal and friendly w everyone, both guys and girls.

    Eventually, when he starts getting aggressive because he really has proper feelings, he would start telling you so. That is when you start deepening things. You can then say 'thought you weren't really interested in a relationship with me, I thought it was a ftiendzone'. And things can deepen properly from there.

    Sometimes a guy needs time to be sure if he's really into you or just in his rebound. That's a friendzone move and he really needs you there.

    Don't disappoint him by having sex w him.

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  • You should just ignore what he is telling u and keep trying to entice him to want that sort of relationship with you. Am I wrong or isn't love always an uphlhill battle for one party at some point

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  • Really bad idea. Glad you asked before doing it.

    Only when he is ready for a relationship. It will complicate things and give feelings he's not ready for. By all means keep seeing him though :)

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  • No, not a good idea. I think that it's worth waiting now, it can really turn into something. Just take things slow and the right time may come for you both.

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  • I think the updating of his profile was a reaction to his jealousy. Or maybe I'm overthinking things.

    And no you shouldnt' sleep with him yet, it'd complicate things. Maybe his breakup has made him wary of a relationship so he isn't ready to commit. But sleeping does not equate to commitment! So you should not look forward to it at all. Sleeping only means instantaneous pleasure, it has nothing to do with decisions.

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  • I would wait for him to get rid of his ex, and for him to get over her torment of him.
    It's kind of like a guy waiting for a virgin to be ready.
    You seem to be hitting it off well, so you could hang in there until he is rid of the ex, and then he can commit more to you.
    Keep seeing him, so you can direct his feelings for you, and help him escape the crazy ex.

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  • He does not want to have a relationship with you. Sleeping with him will not make him want to have a relationship with you. He like anyone that has left a relationship. He want physical and mental pleasure that do not lead to a relationship. I would leave him because he got issues still with his ex girlfriend. Tell him, I want to make this into a relationship, but if you are still have issues with your ex gf , Than I can not date you. it sounds harsh, but you are being honest with him. No one wants to date someone that has issues still with their exs and does not have their stuff together. if i were him, I would have put a restraining order on his exs. Hope this helps.

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  • How old are you? You sound like a teenager, sorry.
    Do you know what is a sex and why people are making it?
    Why for a mature person it would be that kind of a question at all, unless you are from orthodox old school background. Why sex with person you admire is a big question? You don't do it to keep someone, but to enjoy him. If you think of of it just as a binder - leave the guy alone, you have nothing to do with him.
    And how long do you think he should be waiting for you to get closer? Smart woman always knows how to make it seamles, natural step in the relationship and next, will know how to get the man to want more.
    But sex should not be a curtesy call, but a filling.

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    • Um no I'm not a teenager, im 27 years old. and yes I am very aware of what sex is, I have been sexually active for many years.. My question was simply to get opinions from others just because I find that when you like someone your judgement can be a little hazy. Also I have not met a guy that that I could see my self getting serious with for a long long time. me withholding sex is not to use it to get closed to him, but rather to protect myself from being hurt again.

  • Coming out of a relationship will always leave you with baggage and it's going to be something you two have to deal with as a couple something he'll have to eventually get over and you'll have to be accepting towards until then if you deem him worth the wait.

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  • It wouldn't complicate things with me.

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  • Sleeping with him is a bad idea. Probably cut him loose.. for now. If you really wanted to, you could keep the planned dates, and then reject any further ones until he figures out what he wants.

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  • Lol.. sure we will take advantage of how easy u are with no mutual feelings at all.

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  • He needs at least 3-4 months before he will be ready, you will be a rebound if you move to fast. trust me.

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  • The ex is f-ed up in my opinion also dont have sex with him it will make it worse an for all you guys qho said sleep with him go f yourselfs you dont know shit

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  • Trust your instincts.. He still isn't ready for a real relationship.. and you're not ready or his emotional baggage.

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  • He's not ready for a relationship with YOU... no, if you want a relationship go look somewhere else.

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  • It will only complicate things for you.

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  • do it
    answerm ien

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  • just do it
    answerm ien

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  • just have sex
    answerm ien

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  • Be yourself its 500/50 could be ideal life partner and could be waiting to get your butt for as long as he likes. Be natural if you want sex go for it, if you felt odd you can step a little back wait for him to tell you how he feels and what he wants. Take him for what he says until he fucks up or do the right things.

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What Girls Said 6

  • Don't do it. Just because you like him is a terrible reason. He said he is not ready for a relationship, so don't just hand it to him on a silver platter thinking it might spur him into action and "snap" you up. It won't. If a guy says he is not ready then he is not ready, Why don't you try dating him a little longer and see where it goes. Just because he needs time doesn't mean you should ditch either.

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  • Do not sleep with him. Accept where he is and do not expect anything serious. He has to heal from his last relationship and he must change that within himself first. I say date other people and continue in your own life. Because if you are what this man really wants then allow him to pursue you. You don't want a man who isn't ready or doesn't want you. Remember you show people how to treat you by what you are willing to accept. So make plans with others and don't be stuck on him. He literally already told you who he is and where he is at... don't settle for waiting. You are deserving of partner who KNOWS they want you. ;-) him seeing that you will move on with your life and leave him behind. .. and him knowing how much he enjoys you... leaves him room to think on the possibility of loosing you and your time. He should earn that time you are willing to give... so until he knows his mind move on with your life... and let him miss you and the positive connection you brought to his life... but also accept where he is and expect nothing from him... as he is healing from his last dysfunctional relationship.

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  • If you like him, wait. If you were in his situation, everyone would say the same thing.

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  • Move on... when guys say they aren't ready for a relationship they usually mean it

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  • Don't sleep with him without establishing exclusivity first. It will not make it better, it will only make you feel bad. Let him know that you really like him but you aren't ready to sleep with him until you are exclusive. Know your worth. Almost any guy will take no strings attached sex and you may end up feeling used.

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  • It is a dumb idea

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