I fell in love with my first love when I was 15 and he cheated on me a lot but yeah it was my fault for staying, but now years later I've had a bf for 11 months now and since there's been issues I compare it to my ex and I think he'll cheat on me as well but I feel like if I don't change it'll ruin my relationship with him, but I don't know how to overcome this and learn to trust again and not be so jealous. I get such bad anxiety when I see his social networks or I see girls liking his pictures even though I know it's not that big of a deal.
Most Helpful Guy
Talk it out with him, tell him you want to put your best foot forward and give both of you the best you've got. But that you have some issues you need help with. You need help with expanding your comfort zone and stretch zone in terms of trust.
Tell him that some things make you feel vulnerable, like girls looking at his stuff. Do not cry, not not be angry when you tell him this, because this are your sincere thoughts.
If he says "why, what's wrong? okay, how can I help?", you've got a keeper. He would be comfortable doing some stuff, and be uncomfortable with others, that is normal.
Suggestions like, "when something happens, I may need assurance even if I may seem not to want it, my pride is strong!" or something like that.
Others include, "would you be okay if I check your personal messages you receive from other girls?"
Or even things like, "if you have attraction to other girls, can you tell me about them and we discuss the things you are attracted to? It settles my jealousy a bit and helps me learn about you."
Doing these things means he is sacrificing some convenience to give you a foothold to trust him when you are out of your comfort zone.
I believe you are the kind of person to be thankful for that.
Now the most important thing is to learn about your boyfriends values and principles, his dreams and his beliefs. That way, bit by bit, you can observe his actions and trust that they always serve to fulfil his wishes, even when he seems to be doing something against that logic.
Trust is when you BOTH know and acknowledge that a certain situation could put one of you in an uncomfortable position, and knowing that despite these risk, the other person would not let the situation become worse.
If he does that for you, he would learn how to build trust with you.0