A guy asked me out and I said no because I don't date co-workers but a co-worker I do like asked me out?

I really like this guy and I want to date him. It's just that I didn't want to hurt the other co-workers feelings so I said I don't date co-workers. That eight months ago and he is still obsessed with me. He sends me cards and things, and he is always doing things for me. I tell him not to because it makes me uncomfortable but then he gets all hurt and says it doesn't hurt for him to help me.

So if I say yes to this guy he'll know I lied. Should I just tell him the truth or do I just say I've changed my mind?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • This is an example of drama-in-the-making wherein little white lies and establishing artificial boundaries and rules become sitcom material.
    You are in you dilemma because you established an artificial dating rule - the reason is irrelevant, although your empathy is lauded. So, the way to get out of your dilemma is to remove the artificial dating rule. So, how can you do that and "save face"? You MIGHT be able to get out of this situation by stating you only thought that the company had that dating rule but have since learned it's not a real rule. However, if it is known that the rule was only yours, you are simply going to have to state a half-truth: you changed your mind about the rule. The first guy doesn't need to know that you didn't want to go out with him.

    However, TO AVOID THIS SITUATION GOING FORWARD: LADIES, if a guy you don't care to go out with asks you out, GO OUT ONCE and MAKE SURE IT'S A BAD DATE BUT DON"T BE BITCHY. In this case, you won't worry about hurting his feelings at being not worthy to date, but he will not pursue a second date with you and the problem is solved. Then you are free to date the guy you want with no worries and no guilt and a minimum amount of one-time lying (only making the one date go badly) that won't bite you in the ass later.

    KEEP IN MIND: When you do go out on that one date that you plan on torpedoing, you might actually discover that you like the guy after all and change your mind. If you don't give him that change, you never know if he was Mr. Right after all.

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    • This guy is actually in his 30s

    • You can be in your 30s and be immature. You can be in your 70s and be immature - ask Donald Trump. Maturity isn't measured by age but how you respond to events in your life - especially the negative ones. Right now, go out with the new guy and forget about Mister Stalker. If he does anything to "create a hostile work environment" and you go to HR, he will get at minimum 1 warning. Any 2nd violation, and he will be terminated If what he did was bad, he'd be terminated instantly. .

What Guys Said 3

What Girls Said 5

  • Honesty is the best policy. Also if you tell him that you're just not into him then I'm pretty hopefull that he'll get it and back off.

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  • You don't have to answer to anyone. If you want to date this guy then do it, why should your happiness be hindered because you simply weren't attracted to this other guy? People change their minds, and you don't decide who you are attracted to and whether or not it is convenient. If anything, it will get this other guy to back off you!

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  • You do know that if that guy is still into you and he founds out about you two he can report both of you and get both of you fired?

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    • There's no policy against co-workers dating there. A couple that met there just got married and even invited the boss to the wedding.

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    • I've tried sitting down with him in the past. He's obsessive. All he says is that he isn't hurting anyone. He gets all hurt and acts like everyone is out to get him if someone points out his faults. Also, he's in his thirties and acts like that. He tells people all the time about his outside life, and he has admitted to actually stalking girl. I've talked to him more than once about it and all he ever says is: "And I am hurting you how?" He offered to give me a ride home once when my car was in the shop. He flipped out when I said no and said: "What? You're way too good to get in my car? Get over yourself."

    • I don't see why I have to be the one to change my job because someone is obsessed with me. The rest of your advice is okay, but really? Change jobs?

  • Be honest and real you are only in Control of yourself... the only thing you owe him is honesty and his response or reaction is NOT your responsibility. Be you and you want any relationship you choose to go into to be accepted for yourself. Not a manipulated opinion based on anything but the truth. Also be true to yourself always. ;-)

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  • It's what you get for lying. You should have just told the truth. Next time just tell someone that you aren't interested. Why lie about it? It's a horrible thing for you to have done, and now you're going for this new guy. Are you planning on rubbing the relationship in their face? You are terrible.

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    • I actually plan to keep it secret first in case it doesn't work out.

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    • I doubt she's trying to hurt him if she is posting this question for genuine advice. If she wanted to hurt him, she would have gone out with this other guy without a thought.

    • Exactly. I don't purposely hurt people.

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