How to get over this "I'm not good enough" feeling when you get rejected?

I fell for a guy really hard but he "isn't ready for a relationship". He is a player and sleeps around. But whenever he brings up his ex gf, it's so hard to believe he had one, he must've fell hard for her. It always makes me wonder what she had what I don't have. And that she must be amazing. And I'm not nearly as good as her.
And if he ever finds a gf, I'll be so crashed, this thought makes me shiver. Everyone says move on and find someone who will appreciate you but I just can't get over the feeling that I'm no good, and I'm not good enough for the person I love. Why do other girls deserve his love but I don't?
How to get over this feeling? It's holding me back from moving on and I don't know how to deal with it?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Your biggest mistake is putting this player on a pedestal and thinking that the ex-girlfriend must have been this super awesome person for him to commit to her. Never mind getting over this feeling, you need to sort your crippling self-esteem issues out and you need to get some self-respect.

    Why any girl would want a player is beyond me?

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    • I do have self esteem issues, do you think that might be a problem? How do I fix it?

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    • I couldn't agree more @ClaraFTW

    • Worthy of MHO

What Guys Said 5

  • You're sleeping with a player. Get used to it, they don't often fall for a girl they are sleeping with already. They may like your company and all, but usually they are pretty screwed up people.

    It is an Ex GF that fucked them over, not one that they idolized or anything.

    It is the Ex GF that they so wanted to be perfect for and care and give stuff to, but that girl cheated/did something really screwy to him.

    She isn't perfect, she is no where near great. This guy is just trying to take revenge/get his esteem up/show to himself that he can be worth the attention of girls. But that isn't the right answer for him either.

    As to being in love? Nah, it's oxytocin because you're sleeping with him. The bond naturally gets formed as long as you are with him.

    Is he your first? If so, then it's even worse for you because first impressions stick real strong (just like his 'ex-GF' for him). It will take a huuuuuge amount of effort to tear that bond apart, and you may become promiscuous after that. But that's me assuming crap of course.

    Regardless, once the sex stops, it's over. And once he starts giving you commitment, your brain somehow starts relaxing and becoming rational again and you may dump him, just like that "Ex".

    Source? I was like that for a while, but I changed. And I never slept with any of the girls, because I still maintain the value of no sex before marriage that I selfishly defend.

    So yep, you're not good enough for other reasons. And there is no getting over that feeling except by growing mature and moving onto a real relationship and putting your best foot forward (being honest about this relationship, trying to make up for whatever you lost to this guy that you could've given to the other guy, putting your best foot forward).

    Not that it's going to be easy, but if ya don't, then it's very likely you'll end up worse and alone.

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  • u need to make new friends, find new people
    a fresh perspective on life and new experiences shared would open you to a whole new way of thinking which would show you how wrong you are to think you are not good enough and how stupid he is too not value you

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  • never put all your eggs into 1 basket. It can be crushing, I have been there as well. But sometimes you have to just walk away and let go.

    You will find someone who honors, loves and respects you for who you are.

    Never let anyone else make you feel not good enough. You are always good enough and better.

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  • First. This is normal. It is built into us as human beings. It is the subject of story and song, poetry and theatre--- because it is that universal. That is why the term "heartbroken" is in our vocabulary, it is real.
    It takes time to 'get over' a love. Our human minds are made this way. You should not feel inferior if you seek to speak with a counselor about it. It is so universal that someone (a third party you DONT" know who you know will NOT judge you at all) can help to understand what is going on. Even though you seem alone, it happens to many, many at some time in their lives.

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  • Move on, this is getting you nowhere. Love is blind.

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What Girls Said 17

  • Why should his opinion of you matter more than your opinion of yourself? Is he an expert on "worthy" woman? Most likely not. In fact, it sounds like he's not very good at picking woman at all. Would you ask a veterinarian for an opinion on your car?

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  • Sounds like he doesn't give any other girls his "love". If he does, then it's not real. I had a similar issue a few years back. I got over it by getting all dolled up, and going to the bar with my good friends. It was nice to look good and be with people who appreciate you got who you are. It might be hard to get over, but once you do, you'll feel so much better.

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  • I saw this on face book & saved it as a reminder "If he wanted to he would've. Never beg a man for the things you know you deserve. The right man will give you everything you deserve and everything you never knew about."

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    • ameen sister
      that's the exact principle im trying to live with
      it's hard but i lately decided not to ever settle down for less than what i deserve

  • I know how you feel, I was with someone who hurt me so bad and even admitted that he was never serious about me and I was just for fun but he led me on so badly, he lied, he cheated I was in a relationship all by myself. I think that it's affected my confidence so badly till today. I'm my worst critic but one thing I've learnt is that in life sometimes you can give your all and still mot be 'good enough' for someone it just happens sometimes the guy will be a douche and really hurt u but sometimes you're just not what someone needs. You need to learn self love, love all of you and work on the parts that you don't necessarily like. Do things that will grow you as a person and add value to your life. Surround yourself with good loving people and your confidence will grow little by little. You are good enough, you always have been and always will be. you just need to value yourself more that way someone ele's rejection of you will not make you feel inadequate. It's not easy overcoming the sorrows of life but once you know your worth and believe that you deserve only the best you will attract such things and people to you!

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  • Who care what he thinks of you? He’s not someone you want long term anyway. If God felt he was GOOD for you, or at least to temporarily teach you a lesson you clearly already know to stay away from, let it go. Listen to the Frozen song a few times until the feeing goes away. This too shall pass.

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  • If you are have bad self esteem now, guess what he will do to your self worth, self image, self confidence. He will crush you if he gets you. You never, ever go for guys like this. You girlfriend is 200% in this case. Move on, really. He will never love you, only play with your cat.. So don't. You and other girls are useless to him. So please protect what you got left and work on a better self. :) love starts within!

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  • Gurl! We all have one of those at some point in our lives. It takes time but be strong and don't go back to that. You can do better. Players will be players and rarely change. And by the time they do they will be bald and fat.

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  • Forget about why he didn't like you. The bigger issue is your self-esteem. The fact that you would lower your value by pursuing a guy like this is troubling.

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  • Men love women who think highly of themselves. In the meantime, have hobbies you're passionate about, read for pleasure, get dolled up and go on some dates, have drinks with your girlfriends. Even if you don't get over him, at least you'll regain some confidence and have more on your mind than just that one man out of literally billions of men.

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  • what about if u ask him Ik it takes slot of balls but one day do it but not in front of everyone dress ur prettiest and go up to him say "hey can I talk to u for a minute" and drag him to a quiet place and just ask this or anything u have in ur kind "do u think I'm pretty?" ,"would u go out with someone like me?"

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  • I clearly can't give you opinion because I have exactly same situation as you... I can't forget him either.

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  • LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO CARE! MOVE ON SO YOU DON'T WASTE ANYMORE TIME WALLOWING OVER THAT JERK! HE IS NOT WORTH ANY OF IT!

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  • Start talking to other guys and see how it's from there. If nothing happens then you should push these emotions aside and find someone who will be grateful to have you

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  • I just got dumped by an emotionally unavailble rat like this one. It hurts for sure. He was not ready for something serious but he was the first one who pursued me, texts me first, asks for dates first. But to make yourself feel better think about his bad qualities and how much of a loser he is. in my case, the guy was not handsome, has a small penis, unemployed, can't even pass his licensure test, can never beat me in new words with friends, plays computer games all day, stupid in general, lives off his parents at 28, uses his dads car to go on dates, the list goes on. After realizing how much of a loser he is, i was surprised how i came to like him in the first place.

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  • Sweetheart forget about him. Some guys don't know what they could have when they have that oportunity. What you should do is find a guy that you like and he likes you and be happy and have what you deserve, because it sounds like he doesn't deserve you. You are worth so much more than that and no girl should have to deal with guys like him. I know because I've been there and I have been that girl. It sucks for us too, we think he's loyal but he's going around and flirting and getting inside other girls heads so that when we broke up he could call anyone on his "waiting list" and she would be at his beck and call. Guys like that need to be set straight and be a man because those guys are just little boys wanting to play with what's between their legs. Every girl deserves a man that will treat her right, respect her, and love her. That doesn't sound like what this guy will do. My advice go get you a real man that's gonna treat you right. Because the world has way better guys out there you just have to look around.

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  • Well no one deserves that kind of love. If he just sleeps around with girls, he most likely doesn't actually care about them and that's not fair to them. Be glad that he hasn't taken an interest in you because otherwise you would be stuck being used by some jerk. You should be in a relationship that makes you feel wanted and cared for. Honestly, I think that you just think you love him because you can't have him. I've totally done that before and wrecked myself trying to figure out why he wouldn't just pick me already, but now he's turned into a smoking jerk on the verge of being abusive to his girlfriend so I'm happy that I didn't get into a relationship with him. Sometimes as girls we just get stuck wanting attention and we end up seeking it from the wrong places. That guy doesn't deserve you and there's one out there who does deserve you and will treat you the way every woman should be treated. Don't put yourself in a bad place and just get out.

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  • Okay, here's the thing. I went through something similar, and I think I can help you out. I never had a relationship with the guy, but I genuinely thought I was in love with him, purely from a strong infatuation.

    So I used to notice this guy, who I met in Uni, and think he was amazing. We had to spend a lot of time together, (almost a year), because of project work. I think what attracted me towards him, was a) he used to be hot and cold, not sure intentionally or not. Really nice one day, and not so nice the next day, which used to affect my self-esteem which was already low. B) I was in 'awe' of him, and he knew it, (he was older). I'd see him working so hard, doing school and a part-time job, and having all these financial problems and still going strong. I was really impressed.

    Whenever he'd talk about his girlfriend, I'd feel crushed. Like actually feel a pang of pain in my heart. Why? I really liked him, and kept wondering whether a guy like that could ever like me. I felt unattractive, quiet, and just plain weird. Plus, even though he flirted around with a lot of girls, (not including me), he cared for his girlfriend, I could see that. Even a bit scared of her, (although he used to talk shit).

    This crush on him lasted almost three years, it was so much more than a crush. I'd think about him almost everyday, and it reduced my loneliness too. Although I kept away from him, I did miss him a LOT.

    My guy friend was baffled as to WHAT I could possibly see in the guy, but I just felt so hopelessly in love with him. I started crying when I saw his girlfriend have a ring on her finger, wondering if they'd get married and stuff

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    • Anyways, when I finally did get over him, which took time, I realized how my feelings prevented me from seeing what a jerk he was. First of all he was selfish, yes it's true he worked hard, but also at the cost of not caring if someone else got hurt, or suffered. What I thought was ambition, was just plain selfishness, at it's core. Moreover, when he was younger, at least he had some innocence, some boyish charm, but now he was a complete full on ass.

      I started realizing how silly I was for thinking he's that great, when in fact, he wasn't in the least. This was really about him messing with my self-esteem, and nothing else.

      The only reason I somewhat respect him now, is that at least he stayed with his girlfriend, (I thought he'd eventually ditch her and get a better one). Pretty ironic, considering how much his relationship with her used to make me feel bad/upset me.

    • Sorry for the essay!

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