How to get my boyfriend chasing me again?

We had a petty argument two days ago, and it wasn't even my fault. He's been aloof, and he texts me when he feels like it. He had cancelled plans the day we argued. I know he has some days off this week, but he's not asking to hangout, and instead goes out with friends. We haven't seen each other in a week, and I feel like he's being an asshole. While I was just worried and anxious after my fight, he's beend like nothing and going about his business with friends without a care in the world. How do I get him to realize that our relationship is on the line, and that he better fix it?

Updates:
He's the one starting arguments, and would leave me hanging on a lot of shit.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Okay it takes two to fix a broken relationship, maybe there are things that you are doing that is also bothering him - so solution: talk to him. Then you should show him that you can also have fun on your own. Go out with your friends, have a good time. Not all guys like the idea of their girlfriend always waiting around for them and not doing anything on her own. Be independent.

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    • Yeah, I like that idea! But should I talk to him face to face?

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    • Alrighty, I'll do that tomorrow. Today I'm going out with the girls, so it'll be good to just give myself another day to clear my head. :) thank you!!

    • My pleasure, hopes everything works out for the best. Good luck :)

What Guys Said 25

  • "We had a petty argument two days ago, and it wasn't even my fault"
    It was probably your fault.

    "He's been aloof, and he texts me when he feels like it"
    Instead of whenever you feel like him texting you? How often do you text him?

    "I know he has some days off this week, but he's not asking to hangout, and instead goes out with friends."
    Oh heaven forbid he goes out with friends. How dare he. And how do you know he goes out with his friends if you haven't talked to him?

    "We haven't seen each other in a week, and I feel like he's being an asshole"
    ... because he hasn't gotten in touch with you he's an asshole? Have you gotten in touch with him? Or are you just sitting on your ass waiting for him to do it? Would that not make you an asshole?

    "While I was just worried and anxious after my fight, he's beend like nothing and going about his business with friends without a care in the world"
    You don't know that. He could be worried as well.

    "How do I get him to realize that our relationship is on the line, and that he better fix it?"
    Oh God, now don't you sound entitled. "He has to do this, he has to do that. It's all his responsibility. I'm not going to do anything." Oh brother.

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  • Had some good opinions down there from the guy section.

    Especially the guy listing all your faults. (not saying he doesn't have any, but seriously).

    Maybe you need to open your eyes and stop reading cosmos or other girl's magazines or trying to copy other people's relationship.

    If he's working and has quite a bit of stuff to do, then the load he is carrying is going to be quite huge. Think of him as a rhinocerous, when he goes forwards, he needs to keep going until he can slow down and stop.

    You can't expect him to be nimble like a cat to push pull push pull bounce here or there as if he's super flexible. Wait til his load gets lighter and maybe he can start 'chasing' you again.

    But if you're trying to get him to do a 360 when he's got so much weight on, that's just you being immature and selfish, totally not seeing the trouble he has.

    He has to plan each and every move just to 'chase' you, to move forward. He has to allocate enough time to his work, his own time to plan something, and the logistics just so he can even try something with you. And if you don't show any appreciation, it's just depreciating.

    You try that with a super rich guy and he's just going to dump you and grab the next desperate girl because it's just so easy.

    Sure pretty girls get lots of attention, and are pretty high and mighty when they are young, but as you get older, pft, there are still new young girls, and if a guy is dedicated to being wealthy and not caring about some selfish girl like you, he'll just start again with another younger girl while you're left to dry. He get's richer, you get older. Either stop being a teenager, or give up being in a relationship.

    Everything is two way as you said, not according to your two way, but also his idea of two way. It has to be both fair to him and to you.

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  • he's probably waiting for u to call him back and apologize or if he knows u like him a lot he might doing the ignoring part just to see if u will call him back, its a kind of a complement to see that a girl wants us or runs after us. I did it once before but it's actually childish and selfish because u put the girl through shyt just to make urself feel better. But it also means that he might not care about u that much. He will only care about u if u care about him which should not be the case.

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  • Put your ego away and "chase" him yourself and settle everything once and for all. The fact that you haven't talked in a week makes me think he's single at this point.

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  • if he lost interest about you then nah... better forget it. and if he's that type of guy why you're still with him anyway?

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  • I think you two need a much needed break. If he is constantly doing this to you then it is a form of emotional abuse and he knows what he is doing. You don't get him to realize it your relationship is on the line, you already know it's over, do yourself a favor and break up with him.

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  • u need to tell him that you guys need a break and party a little yourself

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    • But if I say that, he's gunna say that he doesn't want to deal with my dramatic bullshit. It wouldn't phase him.

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    • I don't want it to come down to that point.

    • I think you are going to continue getting treated this way if you don't start valuing your self worth! chuck him and get a new guy.

  • Your bloke is at a stage in which he is free from your manipulations. It just won't work. He's being rational in his relationship with you. He will deal with you on his own terms. The best you can do is hope that he sticks around with you. A man has other priorities in his life other than his girlfriend. You cannot expect to come first in his priorities, not always at least. He's not being an asshole, he's simply avoiding another blow up with you. When he feels that he can deal with you without being emotional or violent, he will do so. If this situation is not to your liking, please move on to greener pastures and save your bloke from some major headache

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  • Well first of all you need to stop ointing the blame on him. There is his story, your story then there is the truth. Come at him as a neutral and actually wanting to talk.

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  • Be yourself. If he loves you and wants future with you he will look for you. Arguments are normal its who we are. But we can reduce the rate of arguments because not good for nothing. No point to Yelling and argue. It destroy everything.

    Or you just call him and say sorry come back home. Thats the easiest way. Its hard but its the easiest fix as it will make him feel at peace. Even if he is wrong just say sorry i dont want to argue any more.

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  • Just dump him and move on. He is not a nice person. How many times are you going to let him do this to you?

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  • honestly i think that if you dont want to break up then dont but dont be so available i think he wants a challenge cus he hasn't broken up with you so he still likes you in some way.

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  • have sex with him more often

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  • Ask him if he's going through something that's hard for him to deal with. Because for guys when your friend is feeling down it's almost an unwritten law that you and the rest of his friends need to remedy that or at least get it off his mind... Not saying it's not like that for girls but I'm a guy and I'm just going off of personal exp

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  • Do you want his to worship you? Maybe you should call him and talk about your relationship in a mutually caring way. You need to fix your relationship together.

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  • make him jealous ;) simple.

    ignore him

    play hard to get.

    treat boys like dogs and they will come to you like dogs

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  • Hit n run... he'll definitely chase you then

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  • He is waiting on you to say sorry cause u know it was your fault

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  • I won't question why u want him back. But I will say to start hooking up with his friends.

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  • Don't wear a bra under your top, or wear a top with a low neck line and bend over n front of him.

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  • Run around the street with his Xbox, and he'll be sure to chase after ya.

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  • Do you really want him back? he's done and has your number... He knows you will come back...

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  • I'll tell you the truth, if the guy really thinks your worth the fight, he would have spoken to you by now. He's aware that your relationship is in trouble and the fact he's not stepping up means he doesn't want to save it.
    I know it's not the nicest thing, but do you want me to make you happy with fake hope or tell the truth?

    You say this argument was petty, correct?
    This was probably an unintentional test of your relationship. The fact you got worked up over something small shows a lot and that he does not desire to be in a relationship with someone who makes mountains out of mole hills.
    Me and my girlfriend have arguments which we end up laughing at the end. She'll get slightly irritated if I said 'oh yea I'm working late tonight' and I know she feels like I spend more time at work then with her but this is to pay bills and our holiday. If she argued with me every single time I said that we wouldn't be together.

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  • My wife constantly starts arguments but I realized that it's because she's hurting inside, about our relationship, about things I did wrong, about other underlying things, and starting arguments was like her way of acting out her hurt. Once I realized that, I started handling her argument-starting in a more loving/forgiving way, instead of 'falling into the trap' I just be loving, and it seems to have started helping. I had to admit, which was difficult, that it was also my fault in some things I was doing wrong that was leading her to start arguments - e. g. not treating her right.

    Not saying that it may help in your case, but if you guys have been arguing a lot, he may just be feeling hurt, and his behavior of becoming more distant may be a way of starting to put distance between you as he doesn't want to have more hurtful arguments (even if he is partially complicit in starting them, it has the same effect). He needs to feel love and care, if he doesn't feel it from you, he may turn somewhere else to find it. It needs to be 'fun and enjoyable to be around you'. He is probably mentally anticipating arguments already at this point.

    If you think "he better fix it", this attitude I'm afraid is not going to help you. You both need to work on taking an honest look at the issues and fixing them together, and since he seem to already be mentally checking out of the relationship, you need to start that groundwork. Start by saying "sorry we have been arguing so much, can we try work together on fixing it". Admit some of the things you have done wrong, even if you don't feel like it, ask his forgiveness, work on forgiving whatever he might have done wrong. Relationships need lots of both love and forgiveness, from both sides.

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  • Women who have the need to be chased all the time seem immature. He's probably tired of that. High maintenance

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    • But lately I feel like I've been doing the chasing while he doesn't put any effort into the relationship. It's a two way street. Can't be onesided.

    • He probably doesn't like it then, you're not so compatible in that aspect

What Girls Said 14

  • He is not longer into you and is looking for a reason to leave. My ex did the same thing. He knows you care and love him but he has his eyes on something else. He'll be back if that doesn't pan out. Telling you he just needed space. But now you have to ask yourself do you want to be used that way and with someone who is not even into you the way you are with them. In the end it won't work unless he wants to be with you which he doesn't. Back off and go ghost on him. If you mean anything to him he will come running if not you know the answer.

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  • Well, have you actually tried fixing it? This question is just a bunch of blaming, and I feel like not everything is his fault here. I know you want him to fix the problem because he's supposedly the one that caused it, but what are you doing to better your situation?

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  • Give him a little more time. It takes two to fix what has been broken. If he is not willing to help fix your relationship, then it is time to find someone else who can do what he couldn't do, and that is to care enough.

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    • Well, we were supposed to go to New York this weekend. I don't know, he just doesn't seem like he realizes that this is falling apart. And if I say something, he's gunna say that it's my PMS talking and that I'm being dramatic, and he'll call it bullshit.

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    • And thank you!! :)

    • Hope it goes well :)

  • Bring your concerns to his attention and tell him that you're willing to work on your relationship but he has to put in the effort too. If he can't even do that for you, then nothing will get fixed and nothing will change unfortunately. Relationships aren't one sided. If he doesn't seem to care to fix the issue then you may want to consider walking away from the situation all together.

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    • Should I talk to him face to face or call? Should I give him the silent treatment, so he'll come to me or what? I don't wanna look needy.

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    • You're welcome, good luck (:

    • @Asker I think the "silent treatment" is a bad idea, you cannot fix relationships by doing deliberately hurtful things to your partner. "Silent treatment" is a form of psychological abuse; it will make him feel more hurt and alienated, will make it feel like you don't care and don't have love to offer him - all things that will make him want even more to sever himself from the relationship so as not to be hurt further.

      I would suggest not bring up 'specific issues' just yet - on your next time together try focus just on having a good time and making it fun and nice for him, even if you don't feel like it, be loving and affectionate, so he enjoys being with you and feels a sense of being loved. The next time you can maybe start bringing up 'specific issues'. Also bringing up 'specific issues' is likely to start an argument as it will put him on the defensive, to soften it first admit something you have done wrong and say sorry for that.

  • Maybe he's tired of chasing you , i think you should make him feel wanted too and it's okay even if it's not your fault just say sorry first this time
    if he ignores it he wants a break
    if he'll be happy make sue to show affection also and you'll both be good together :)

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  • If i were you i would keep my mibnd busy with other stuff and wouldn't answer the phone the whole day or for 2 days, you know, i'd go back playing hard to get. And see how it goes

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  • end it and get done with it
    if he wants you he'll come back and if he does talk to him and tell him all this and make things clear and if he doesn't move on

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  • İ am in the same boat but believe it or not a lot of men hate to argue. They can't stand it. He just needs his space to figure things out. give it to him!!! Don't call or text. If he doesn't come back then that is your answer and again.. Don't call him or text him. Just leave it alone. Let him come to you

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  • Confront him, tell him he's losing you by acting like this and not talking out the problem like a man. That should scare him into acting right. And if not, he's not worth your time.

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  • I've been there. Stop trying to make time for him. If he misses you and wants to see you, he will make it happen. Go about your life and hang out with your friends. If he continues to act life an asshole, you'll be happy that you had your friends there in case there's a break up in the horizon.

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  • I would do what he does back (go hangout with your friends when he makes plans) if he doesn't seem to care, just let him go.

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  • I would tell him you want to break up. If he doesn't care then it's better to move on. Something similar happened to me

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  • Firstly stop chasing him and stop trying to explain everything and get him to SEE. This guy is not stupid, if you are dating him then he must be a little intelligent so what makes you think he does not see your relationship is on the line, He SEES it all, he knows what's going on. So stop talking, as women we talk way too much, way too much.

    Don't talk, go out with your friend, enjoy your time off have some fun!! Do you know you are supposed to enjoy a relationship? So smile when you see him, he should not be the centre of your world, he should be a part of it. Go out, hang out with your friends (stop phoning all your girly friends and complsining about him) hang out go bowling, focus on other things and let him come back when he is ready, and never forget MEN KNOW

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  • Men take time differently than women do. Don’t expect him to act like a woman. Let him take the time and space needed and when he is ready, he will be back. Until then, just get busy doing something else positive that takes your mind off of this.

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