Zero desire for sex, still want to date; should I?

I have no desire whatsoever to have sex, I although I still very much want to date and meet girls. Its just my lack of libido makes me question sometime whether it's fair to try to. If we started dating, sex would be the last thing on my mind. If she initiated, I probably wouldn't reciprocate the way she wanted. There's just no desire for me to have sex.

Updates:
I used to have a very robust libido as of a few years ago. Somehow I think stopping an antidepressant zapped my sex drive.
Unfortunately this has really killed my self esteem. Last year when I was seeing someone, we tried several times to have sex and I could not perform! My manhood has taken such a severe blow that I now wonder what's the point of even having a dating life!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Maybe you should try doing things that might accelerate your sex drive-alone-before you get involved with any girls. Perhaps you could try masterbating more and getting some porno. I honestly think the more one masterbates the hornier they tend to become. I would do it until you make yourself cum, and continue to do this. When you are with a girl, get an image in your head of what made you cum. If you are worried about being able to come having sex with a girl, then spend time trying to please her before you gain that confidence. Make it about her, and she will be very flattered. Then, the next time you masterbate think about the new experience you had with that girl. Did she seem to enjoy the things you did to her? Did you find her moans self-fulfilling and erotic? I know I have gone through stages where I just wasn't in the mood for sex, but the release of endorphins that are a result from an orgasm are super beneficial. So, if I am feeling super stressed out, I pretty much make myself cum. Sometimes, this takes a super long time, but I always feel better afterwards.

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    • Good suggestions. If I had a real patient girlfriend who could take it real slow with lots of foreplay, I might be able to get significantly aroused. Also if I felt real comfortable emotionally with her, I would be less anxious about being able to perform. The plus side to this is that I could take all the time I want to pleasing her the way she wants. However finding a girl that patient would be very tough.

    • Maybe you should wait longer to have sex with a girl then, and get that emotional connection going before you do anything. If a girl really loves you, she will patient.

What Girls Said 6

  • Until you can resolve the reasons for your lack of libido I do not think you should date.

    Have you thought about why you have no interest in sex? Is it a recent issue or a lifelong one? Have you talked to a doctor or considered a therapist?

    If your lack of libido does not bother you I can understand that you may have little interest in figuring out why this is the case. But, combined with your desire to date, this is a big problem as it will no longer be something that only affects you. I can assure you that even the most chaste of girls will wonder what is wrong with them if you do not try to initiate sex at some point and, worse yet, a girl who ends up trying to do the initiating will be completely crushed by your lack of interest.

    I heard a great quote from a YouTube dating guru, that a relationship without sex is friendship. So, honestly, if what you are able to offer a girl is friendship, you should not be dating because dating is what you do to have a relationship, not friendship. I believe strongly that you should try to get to the bottom of this issue before you start dating. Sex is not everything in a relationship but it certainly is a part of it and a great sexual connection is one of many ways we show our partners how we feel about them. Though pop culture would have you believe differently, sex is a non-verbal form of communication that can demonstrate love, not just something that comes from lust and ends in a one-night stand.

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    • I don't understand why some people are giving the thumbs down to anyone saying that this should be resolved or at least understood before getting into a relationship. I like the quotation you used from youtube (From Vinia (can't spell her name) correct?), "a relationship without sex is friendship".

    • I am trying to find the video on youtube. Does anyone know the link or title?

    • The guru is Arkady39 and after thinking about it, it is in his tape series that I have. It is true. At best, a relationship or marriage without sex is a friendship. At worse, it is a disaster. Sex is a completely wonderful part of a relationship but it gets a bad rap because it also is overused for marketing and casual sex-only situations that have nothing to do with love and relationships.

  • Talk to your doctor then. I am sure they can find a way of treating this. I see someone put a few downmarks for those of us who think sex is an important part of a relationship. Truth is, sex is important. Sex and money are the 2 things couples fight most about. I can say without a doubt, unless you disclose your situation up front and are able to have that type of conversation, a girl will feel like she is unattractive or you don't really have that much interest in her if you never want to have sex with her.

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    • Believe me I have, they don't have a clue about it and they say the side effects subside after stopping. I want sex it's just there is no desire or urge to have it.

    • Well, I am sorry to hear this. I am sure it must be very frustrating. I better understand where you are coming from. I would think you should date then but when you can see you are getting close to a girl and you are obviously starting to connect on an emotional level, then have a talk with her and let her know that you took medication and it has affected you this way. A girl who is in to you will be fine. But not telling her will leave her wondering and be a disaster.

    • Thank you for your comments and support. I used to have a great libido and a decent sex life. People should not take antidepressants at all. I didn't even need the garbage, that's why I got off of it. The sexual side effects are much worse then they say. I am determined not to give up on dating since its such a great part of life. I enjoy the company of a great woman too much to just drop it.

  • Well, you could see your doctor about another antidepressant, that may do the trick. It may be good for you to start dating. If you tell her you want to wait and she respects that then you've found a great partner. You shouldn't be forced into anything you don't want to do or don't feel up to. A relationship doesn't have to be based on sex, you spend a lot more time talking to your girlfriend, wife, etc than you will having sex with them. Also there are many things you can do for her besides having sex :-}.

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  • hmmm. that's a tough question. but why not. might as well date, and if things lead to being hot and heavy in the bedroom, your libido may sky rocket. maybe you just need the right girl to get your libido to spring back into action. and if all she cares about is sex, then maybe she's not the right one for you.

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  • i think you should turn a liability into a strength... sex is so much the focus of expectation these days, the people get lost 'in between the sheets'. take the time to get to know people, this could be an excellent chance to build a real friendship or more... and if you meet someone you really like, it will be that much better when you finally can have sex... I am sure there are plenty of woman who will love feeling like the person they are with is really interested in spending time WITH them, not time ON them!

    keep in touch with some sort of health care expert... though you may want to try an alternative healer... someone who is more focused on finding out how what , works , rather then what is WRONG...

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    • How quickly did you used to have sex on dates.. There are lots of people that do not want sex so sooon, & some do not want sex till marriage or very long into relationships.

      Not that this solves your sex problem, but just to point out, it is no reason to despair in dating. I am telling you lots of woman will love that you do not rush into sex^

      Lots of reasons to date have little to do with sex. You could really get to know people^

      Have yo seen a doctor- try a naturopath, acupuncture-

    • Show All
    • I actually have been seeing a naturopath. Trying to figure things out. I am very reluctant to go out and meet women knowing I have these issues. Its not that I want to just hop into bed with a women. Rather sex is a very important part of the overall intimate nature of relationships and I want to have the confidence knowing I can be a good lover.

    • O TOTALLY understand, I did not mean to be asserting something else.

      I was really just saying you would be more likely get thru it quicker if you did not WORRY.

      & You will -as with ANY compensation- develop strengths in ways you could not previously, or did not know you had.

      I have been in MANY situations, when I had to take a creative approach, in dealing with things that happened that were blocking one capacity, but strengthening another., (Temporary luckily, but I learnt a lot)

  • I find it interesting that you said that an antidepressant makes you not horny anymore because I have been on a few different ones and I almost feel more horny when I am on them but I'm sure your on something different lol

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What Guys Said 6

  • Sex is an important aspect in any relationship. It's not everything but it's definitely something. Do you know why you're not interested in sex? Until you have a good understanding of why you don't want sex I think your priority should be focused on you.

    Hope I've been insightful.

    Cheers.

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    • Agreed, your first question should be why you specifically do not want something that would be perfectly acceptable to want.

      i think you asked the question wether or not you should date, hoping that people tell you it won't be a problem, but knowing it will be.

      ask yourself why!

      also: just because there is going to be a problem later on doesn't mean you can't do it, if you want to meet girls, just do it...

      but again I don't think that's what you're asking even though that's what you're asking

  • Dating isn't all about sex. Just make sure when you start getting serious in a relationship that she understands where you stand on the issue and if she accepts it then that's great.

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  • You have an awesome gift. More girls will readily date you if they know you aren't after sex. In the end you could make some great friends, and with time your sex drive will probably come back.

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    • Interesting way of putting it. Am not overly eager or horny unlike some other guys. However it would be great if this can be resolved within time. I have been devastated by this. As others have mentioned, sex is very important and I do want to be able to enjoy it at some point. Girls want sex just as much as guys do. Perhaps my attitude needs a major adjustment.

    • The more relationships you get into = more opportunities you'll have. Time is a bitch, so sometimes it takes a long time for things to work out. Plus no one says you have to have sex in a relationship. Just keep an open mind.

  • anti depessants do that, better tell your doc, I suggest you keep an open minds because everyone has needs and wants

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  • Look for a girl who does not mind a relationship without sex.

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  • Disclose. Early.

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