Girls: do you think it's better for a guy to totally realistic about himself, even if it costs the guy some confidence?

I'm by no means the world's best-looking or most outstanding guy, but I'm usually very successful with girls because I have lots of self-confidence and self-belief. Some of my female friends have insinuated that I'm probably *over*confident in myself. They tend to think that I should tone it down because it's lame to think too highly of oneself. My thing is though, I see these guys who lack self-confidence and they never have girlfriends. I'd rather be busting with confidence than thinking that I'm a loser, because low confidence is an attraction killer for girls.

The issue with my friends arose last semester when I was pursuing this really hot girl who every guy at my school wants. My female friends kind of scoffed that she was out of my league, and said that I should be going for girls that are closer to me in attractiveness. I did eventually date the really beautiful girl, but when we broke up, my female friends said it was probably because she saw through the "facade" of my confidence and realized I'm just a regular guy.

I don't want to be a douche, but I know that a lot of my success is because I am maybe overconfident. I don't want to drive girls away in LTRs because of being a d-bag, but I also fear that I'll be sidelined by girls if I don't project confidence. How do I do this balancing act?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • From reading, the issue doesn't seem to be about confidence/self-belief. Its about who you portray yoursefl to be - if you act like someone you're not, then stop that and when you talk to girls be confident in who you are NOT who you pretend to be aka 'the facade'

    If you do think you act like yourself and show people u talk who you are then your friends are just being jealous idiots.

    For me, its better to be overconfident (NOT arrogant) because if you turn insecure, I would pity you (and pity is emotionally draining, though I am compassionate I dont want to constantly be sorry for someone) and I also cannot respect someone who wallows around in insecurity, so whatever you do dont lose confidence because confidence is sexy and gives an energetic vibe.

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    • And also, I like guys who are confident because I like to be mean to people not mean mean but teasy bordering on mean, its no fun doing that to a guy with low self esteem because theyre too sensitive and take it seriously, which isn't nice. A guy whos got a strong sense of self-worth is a lot less likely to take my teasy/blunt nature to heart, and he's likely to tease back and laugh along

    • "A guy whos got a strong sense of self-worth is a lot less likely to take my teasy/blunt nature to heart, and he's likely to tease back and laugh along."

      Exactly. Girls do this to me all the time, and when I was younger, I thought they were actually being mean. It took me a while to realize that it's almost a test of my confidence. Girls want to see how strong a man is emotionally. When a guy breaks under a little teasing, you can almost see the girl deflate with disappointment. But when he boldly throws it back at her and asserts his dominance, girls just seem to light up with excitement that they've found a strong, confident guy who knows how to push her sexual buttons.

      This is why I'm hesitant to hamper my confidence in any way--even if it's kinda unrealistic. No girl has ever been turned on by a weak, scared man. It's why I do better with girls than tons of guys at my school who are better looking than me.

    • Agreed

What Girls Said 2

  • I didn't read till the end. I will say, arrogance is far less appealing, than low confidence.

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    • That's not an issue for me because i have no arrogance. Confidence isn't equivalent to arrogance in any case. And I disagree with you about low confidence. Guys with low or no self-esteem rarely get girlfriends. The guys who project confidence and strength are the ones who are successful with women.

    • I'm very much aware of the difference, I don't think it's myself who's having issues with the distinction. I think if several people are trying to tell you to tone it down... There's definitely a reason for this.
      It seems you are not really receptive to what anyone has to advise you, on here or in general. So perhaps, just go ahead and do whatever feels right to you, don't worry about what others might think.

    • I'm very receptive to advice when it isn't framed as a condemnation. I don't feel like I'm doing anything wrong by being self-confident. And by the way, you're the one who jumped immediately into implicitly accusing me of projecting arrogance, so you do have some issue with conflating self-confidence and arrogance. Then again, most people do.

  • I person with a lot of confidence doesn't need to keep reminding everybody how confident they are.
    You should be confident by holding your head high and not by dissing others.
    Overconfidence is disgusting while confidence is the most attractive thing in the world. You have to find the balance and not be cocky. Your not better than anyone. Raise yourself by raising the peaople with you and not stomping on them

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    • "Your not better than anyone. Raise yourself by raising the peaople with you and not stomping on them."

      I don't believe I'm better than anyone, nor do I put others down to elevate myself. That's a sign of low confidence. And I don't go out of my way to beat my chest, I just have a strong belief in myself, that I'm up to the challenge.

      TBH, you sound like a lot of girls, those who want guys to be confident but who are also on guard for guys who might think too highly of themselves. I'll tell you, from a guy's perspective, we have to think highly of ourselves because if we don't, we'll never get anywhere with girls. It's just a fact.

    • Okay so thats great. I obviously don't know you personally so I can't say how you really are. I have been attracted to confident guys that don't look great over non confident guys that look way better. Confidence is a great quality I don't think you should let people tell you to be any less confident.
      The fact that low self esteem is "in" grosses me out so if you got it flaunt it.

    • Thanks. I don't know why low self-esteem is 'in,' because guys have to have balls and confidence to attract women. It seems like someone will criticize you one way or another. I almost think that girls try to bring down a confident guy unless he's pursuing her. Even then, lots of girls will do their best to act like a guy's displays of balls and cockiness have no effect on them, even though I know it usually does. Guys need to be strong to break through all the tests that girls use on us and ultimately succeed.

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