Why do guys believe that nice guys always finish last?

I think this notion is rather dumb because no one would just not go for someone because they're nice. That makes no sense to me and I've never understood why anyone would ever actually believe that. Nice guys do NOT finish last. If you don't speak up about your feelings, you might not get the girl.. doesn't mean you finished last because you're a nice guy. Maybe there are things the girl really doesn't like about you.. maybe you have nothing in common.. maybe that girl is really just a huge bitch... none of these things in any way mean that nice guys finish last... so why is this theory so popular?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's not a saying restricted to dating. It's a saying that implies you will never be able to get what you want by being kind and considerate. Always being nice to people is appreciated but this saying implies we should think about what we want and our own ambitions at least to a point, choosing success over kindness when the two conflict. A typical example of people who take this to the extreme are corporate psychopaths/business executives. Many people balance being nice vs ambitious but those who are too afraid to hurt anyone ever and go after what they want are said to finish last. And in the context of dating, the guy that does nothing but smother women with niceness is believed to "finish last." That said, I believe ultimately it's a destructive saying to perpetuate in all contexts, even if it actually applies to some extent. It's just not a healthy phrase to have swimming around in one's head. People have a habit of regurgitating sayings as simplistic solutions to life's problems rather than apply their raw intellect to the world.

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What Guys Said 12

  • Dear Nice guy and girls,

    Whatever you do, don't stop being nice! Just knowing that you're out there treating people right makes my hard drive hum with hope and inspiration. Being yourself may not have yielded a girlfriend or boyfriend, yet, but genuinely nice guys and gals (and you know who you are) develop their self-esteem, their integrity, their spirits, and their souls in ways that will keep them coming in first for a long time. Of course, we want companionship for validation and love and much more, but since we determine in what place we finish, can't that place also be first?

    So, why do so many of us chase after those who treat us wrong? Some counselors might say it's because we don't respect ourselves enough — we don't feel deserving of Mr./Ms. Niceperson and are either blind to being treated badly, or are willing to take it as the price paid for not being so great ourselves. Many women in many cultures "take it" all the time because sociocultural training and expectations don't support women who assert themselves to men. In a strange way, pursuing and sticking with the not-so-nice partners can validate a belief held by some that they will never be in a successful relationship. Could these thoughts and actions also trickle down from parents who modeled similar behaviors? The list of possibilities goes on and can include fears about getting too close or too intimate with someone; in theory, it's easier to do this with nice guys. And let's not forget that some like the challenge of "winning" a partner's attention and affection, and overvalue even the little successes that in total rarely add up to the healthy, whole relationships that we desire and deserve.

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  • Honestly the biggest reason is High School. During those 4 years the majority of attractive girls have a habit of dating either the rebellious bad boys, or the a-hole jocks. As a result guys get it stuck in their head that if they are a nice reliable and loyal guy they won't get the girl.

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  • I never really see it as finishing last I've always had great relationships with wonderful women. And if the relationships don't work out it wasn't a waste because I gathered knowledge, experience and a better understanding of the female mind and am better prepared for the next relationship. So in my eyes it's a win.

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  • Because the guys that say nice guys finish last, are the overly nice ones that spoil girls and tend to their every need and desire. The ones that are basically bitch made, no back bone. Pretty much telling a girl how perfect she is all the time, constantly apologizing for any little thing he does that she doesn't approve of.

    Those are the types of guys that say this, and by that definition of "nice guy", it's true, they finish last.

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  • Its not always true, just the majority of the time. Of course girls reject this notion, because they dont want to admit that they are attracted to bad guys and can't help themselves.

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  • Same reason why I believe 2 + 2 = 4. It's true, always was true, and always will be true. No matter how much girl deny, most of them want a spontaneous, exciting, dominant, alpha partner thanks to evolutionary adaptations. Yes, there are exceptions, but it's usually true.

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    • i think it's funny that everyone is so against generalizations like "all guys suck" or "women are whores", but a generalized statement like this has been so easily accepted. it's not at all true. the nice guys are just going for the bitches, get walked on once or twice and then claim that nice guys finish last when all they did was go for a couple unappreciative bitches. i've dated a few assholes, but I don't go around claiming that nice girls finish last.. most guys around my age group want sex and casual relationships like fwb's so it's hard to find a mature guy looking for something more in this age group, but i'm not going around saying things like "poor me, i'm just too nice".. no. that's stupid

    • shiiiet - You're telling it like it is! And girls are in total denial. Even the Question Asker who disagrees with you admitted herself, " i've dated a few assholes," but she mentions not a word about dating ANY nice guys at all! Her own post did nothing but reinforce your point that nice guys always finish last!

  • I feel like I'm a nice guy and I'm happily married so I don't agree with that sentiment :p

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  • I'm use this to hide my weak confidence:D ! It's a HUMAN thing we need any statement to hide our weakness. I have a example too. Last day I heard two man talking on IT (Information Technology/Computers) topic :
    Person_A to Person_B: You are getting fat.
    Person_B to Person_A: IT COMES WITH "IT".

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  • Because it's true? Or because they've mistaken being nice with being a doormat?

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    • if that's true then nice girls finish last as well...

  • It's very hard to see it from a young woman's point of view. But to answer the question, "Why do guys believe that nice guys always finish last?"

    BECAUSE OBSERVATION AND EXPERIENCE SHOW IT IS TRUE!

    Females animals in nature are instinctively drawn to mate with the strongest, most active males. This improves the genetic heritage passed on to offspring. Human females have the exact same mating attraction instincts making them seek the strongest males. Unfortunately, any man who acts in an outwardly aggressive manner (i. e. like an arrogant ass) can trigger the female attraction instinct.

    Genuine nice guys are NOT outwardly aggressive. They are very careful to treat women with kindness and respect! Female instinct automatically brands such behavior as weak and unattractive! This is why many women shun intimacy with nice guys and instead choose to be with douche bag and jerk guys! So, Nice guys REALLY DO FINISH LAST!

    The video linked below shows a statistical study of the men young women have sex with in a typical college campus environment. It should come as no surprise that pushy, outwardly aggressive men the narrator calls "Douche Bags" were overwhelmingly chosen as sex partners by the women! And of course, the nice guys were basically left out! The video is called Douche Bag Math 101.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESYK8fCEHUQ

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  • Nice guys FINISH last

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  • It's more so that girls want a challenge. It's easy to drop a girl just by being available and nice to her in the beginning. That's what the entire notion stems from. Say it ain't true. lol

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What Girls Said 2

  • Because they don't want to put the blame of not getting a girl on themselves. The guys that use this saying to justify why they can't get a girl are pitiful.

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    • But the saying "Nice guys finish last" is actually very true in dating! If a man shows a woman a great deal of kindness and respect, she will automatically see him as "soft" and "weak". This is automatically unattractive to the vast majority of females! This is why so many plainly disrespectful, arrogant ass-hole men do well with women. It makes no sense, but it's TRUE!

    • I would go for a nice guy and I know plenty of girls who also would. But the nice guys don't approach us while the bad boys do. I seem to only attract bad boys. Don't know why, but I do. @circlebill There is also a difference between what a nice guy really is and what these self-proclaimed "nice guys" act like it is. I like nice guys, but I don't want a pushover. I like a guy who is respectful but dominant too. Girls are more likely to be approached by a douchebag than a nice guy. Sad, but true.

    • You don't seem to realize the contradiction in what you are saying. I quote you:

      "I like nice guys, but I don't want a pushover. I like a guy who is respectful but dominant too."

      Any sincere nice guy who truly wishes to please you is automatically discarded as a "pushover". Yet to actually BE "dominant" requires a certain amount of disregard and disrespect! Your contradictions call for a magical mixed "douche bag" character! Genuine nice guys typically don't have or want to have "douche bag" characteristics! And plenty of nice guys HAVE approached girls and been rejected repeatedly! There are exceptions of course! Unusual girls who might choose a sincere nice guy do exist! But they are NOT the majority! Things also change at different stages of life. After getting burned by multiple "douche bag" men and facing the bio clock "wall" of middle age, many older females suddenly start to look for nice guys who they ignored earlier! Unfortunately, they may have changed drastically by then!

  • Only passive-aggressive types say this type of thing. Usually the people aren't even that nice, they just avoid confrontation and build inner resentment instead. Plus, its hard to to admit that their lack of fitness, sloppy style, social awkwardness, housebound lifestyle, workaholism, etc may be the problem.

    Passive aggressive types play pliant, but inside feel quite entitled due to an assumed exchange of behaviors that they do not verbalize and often doesn't match typical reciprocation. (Aka, I listened to her talk about her Aunt with cancer, so she should blow me or "I helped him with his homework, he should take on a date to dinner."

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