I need help trying to figure out why my perspective towards relationships and love is so messed up. What do I need to fix?

Okay here's a little background story. I'm 23 years old and have been single for about a year and a half now. I've only been truly in love once in my life and that relationship ended in September 2013 and it completely ruined me! My ex treated me horribly and I allowed him to. When things finally ended I was still madly in love with him even though I was completely and absolutely heartbroken and hopeless. I felt worthless and undeserving of anything.

I am in a pretty good place today. I have gotten over my ex boyfriend, I've forgiven him and moved on. I would like to start dating again and just feel what a normal and healthy relationship feels like.

But as I have mentioned, as much as I want happiness, I don't see myself deserving of it. My brain has been trained to believe that I truly am worthless and no man would ever want me or want to make me happy and if any guy ever tries to pursue anything with me, I always think they have a hidden agenda or they're trying to use me or take advantage of me and this obviously pushes everyone away. I basically am only used to disappointment, let downs and just being walked all over and it's so sad but that's what feels normal to me. That's my idea of love, it's if you love someone, you have to torture them.

Well I am dating this new guy right now and he's VERY different than my ex or any of the guys that I typically go for. He is very smart and ambitious, he really likes me and the fact that the likes me kind of scares me, I think that he's weird and that there must be something wrong with him to like me this much. I want to stop being this way. I want true happiness. I want to see myself deserving of it but I have been so let down in the past, not just by my ex but by friends and family members or even other guys that I have casually dated. I just don't know why anyone would ever want ME. I don't think I deserve true happiness and being desired by any man.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Trauma, seriously traumatized. here's something that could help, instead of wondering how and why you are getting the love, why don't you try giving it? you seem to understand it, so why not just focus on him instead... I only know a little bit about how you feel. Me and emotions don't really work well together so i don't know completely how you feel. but my above suggestion could make a slight change. Try to make him happy, and his happiness will in turn become yours.

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  • Obviously you have a low low self esteem, you remind me of my girlfriend. She was very shy and submissive and i get to be her first boyfriend. Little by little i helped her out with the self steam issue she had and up to know i still do it. She really don´t have no clue of how much i love her. Today she asked me if i would visit her if she was from a really poor country, i told her yes and she didn´t believe me and i asked her: why?, but the answer is obvious, she don´t know how much i love her. My advice for you is to stop seen yourself as someone condemn to a life of misery and suffering, you only live once, enjoy your life, love and let others love you,

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