My boyfriend won't have sex with me?

We've been together nearly a year now, he's 27 and I'm 25, and we haven't slept together yet and it's killing me!!

Anytime we get anywhere close he backs away and says he's very awkward about this stuff and then just cuddles me. I've been so patient and I am understanding but I'm beginning to find it really hard! As someone who enjoys sex as part of a healthy adult relationship, it's really starting to get to me.

Recently I tried to bring it up and said he has no idea how much I want him sometimes, he just responded saying how he's quite oblivious to things like that then changed the subject.

It's so unusual for a guy to wait this long. What can I do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think it's very unusual. Do you know if he's had bad experiences in the past and is afraid of getting hurt or something? Or maybe he's afraid that you won't like it. Try to make him feel very comfortable (you probably already have, but just saying). Tell him you want to understand his reasons and that this isn't clear for you and you deserve to know why.

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    • Yeah, that's really helpful actually about me deserving to know why. It is all just a big mystery to me at the moment! An explanation is the least i deserve :)

    • And this can be also a solution if he cooperates and give you an explanation. You'll be able to identify the causes of his behavior and try to work on them to finally have sex with him.

What Guys Said 12

  • I will recite what the media tells the guys who are in your situation: "You need to give him his space and have patience, don't rush him into it. Remember that men are not sex objects and they are much more than just a penis, blah blah blah..."

    All kidding aside, I think you need to sit him down and discuss this mystery with him. Explain to him how understanding you are, and how excited you are about discovering each other's bodies and bonding on a whole new level. Though, I must point out that he probably has BIG issues with physical intimacy, thus don't expect much out of your sexual experience with him (when it actually happens), or else you will damage him for good. If it bothers you too much, you don't have to wait really. The man obviously has a lot of pressure on him plate, make sure you don't add to it.

    I wish you the best of luck. : )

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    • Thankyou! I think that's why I haven't had the chat with him yet, as I didn't want to do anymore damage or make him feel under anymore pressure. But I do also need to think about myself a bit too, as it's really starting to get to me. There's so many thoughts/possible reasons running through my mind.

  • Maybe he is asexual like me. An asexual is someone who does not feel any sexual attraction. Asexuality is a sexual orientation and like any other is just the way you were made. Asexuals can experience romantic and aesthetic attraction however. So, you could find someone to be handsome/ beautiful and want to form relationships but with no or little desire to engage in sexual intercourse with anyone; though some asexuals don’t feel those forms of attraction either. There are also grey areas where you may only experience sexual attraction occasionally. The problem is that since so many people do not know that asexuality exists many asexual people do not know that they are asexual, I only found out 9 months ago. Let me know if you have any questions and good luck :)

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  • It's not unusual for guys to wait do long. He might just be the first one you have come across? Is he religious? Dies he associate sex with marriage or a similar kevel of commitment?

    For some men, sex I'd very emotionally charged. If so, then sex could cause a strong emotional attachment in which case you risk seriously hurting him if you then break up afterwards.

    If you want sex and he doesn't, then you might want tone other respect his wishes or break up with him now. Anythingbekse is playing with fire.

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  • Personaly i think its very unusual...

    There could be several reasons... unlike other people here i dont think being a virgin is one of them. Because after a year in a loving relationship he should be comfortable. Religious reasons he would have told you so it can't be that. Im guessing you saw him naked by now so im guessing its not something physical.

    SO i think it must be something mental. Maybe being abused in the past? Maybe as a child? That would cause sufficient problems. And an aversion to sex.
    There are also people who are asexual and simply dont desire sex. In this case at least nothing bad happened to him but... it is not something that can be 'fixed'.

    Maybe tell him that this is important to you and that you want to talk about this. That just knowing why you have to wait, for something that is important to you, would help you cope.

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    • Or he is a closet homosexual. Thats also possible but again can't be fixed.

    • The homosexual thing has naturally crossed my mind, I'd be so devastated and hurt if that was true. I just need to talk to him asap I think and get to the bottom of it. I think you're right actually that it's more of a mental issue rather than physical.

  • Your boyfriend is GAY. you don't turn him on. He would rather be doing a dude. Or he just finished a dude so he's good every tlme gets with you.

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    • Haha thanks a lot for that! Very helpful!

      - end sarcasm.

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    • Yeah, I mean i'd be lying if I said it hadn't already crossed my mind. But it's hardly something i can just ask outright really.

    • I will satisfy your needs if your not getting any.
      On cam? Mutual masterbate hehe. Get off yourself. Never mind going with out

  • I love the flip side of the coin. A guy holding out on sex and girl just can't take it anymore. ROFL :) I'm sorry.
    Try oral sex? Make him play with you? Masturbate in front of him? Just get naked and cuddle? Start from there? Shower together?

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  • I think he's secretly gay, has to be

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  • wow, i'm very shocked

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  • Have you ever touched him? Maybe he's shamed of something? Firstly i thought he may wants to have sex after wedding, but you said it isn't about that...

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    • Yes just once/twice though. All my ex's have been completely the opposite, which I guess has led me to see lots of sex as the norm, so this is just hard for me to understand!

    • Is he normal size? Maybe he thinks isn't that big to satisfy you? And he fears of losing you?

  • Leave him invite me for some actions n reactions!!!)

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  • A year?

    Has he ever said he wants to keep for marriage?

    It is quite weird.

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    • Nope. He's not religious at all - should have included that part!

      I just don't get it! The worse thing is he'll make jokes around his friends insinuating that we do have sex. I'm not mean enough to call him out on it in front of his friends, as that would dent his pride and I'm not nasty!

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    • I know... I've never known a guy like it!

    • You've really got to take the reins if you want to find what's up. Tell him that you fed up with it and you need him to tell you. Be assertive, but not angry.

  • Did he perhaps experience some abuse in his youth?

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    • I'm beginning to wonder... if so it's a very tricky subject to approach with him. Guess i'll have to try!

What Girls Said 2

  • He could have been abused when he was younger
    Is he a virgin?
    Maybe he feels bad that he won't know what to do
    Have you seen him naked?
    Maybe he thinks he's small
    Maybe he has a desease
    Maybe he's trans and has lady parts
    Is he asexual?

    Whatever the reason, you two should have a converaation and see what the problem is and see if he's willing to have sex at all. If he's not you'll have to decide if that's really what you want in a relationship.

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  • He needs to be respected for his choice, if your choices aren't in sync with him break it off. I'd wager he's either a virgin or isn't ready & wants a deeper connection.

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    • Yeah I do have a feeling he's a virgin, but haven't brought myself to ask him yet as I guess i just kept thinking 'it will happen soon'. He's told me he's in love with me and can see us being together a long time. So I'm not sure it's the latter... who knows!

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