I didn't wanna make this about race, but it is... INTERRACIAL DATING?

I didn't want to state my race or the race of those I'm drawn to at the moment in hopes of avoiding full on conflict.

I don't know why, but as of lately, my friend and I have been going through this phase where we're like all about interracial dating. But i think some people take it as we're racist against our own race. But thats not the case. Like this may sound impossible, but we haven't seen many attactive dudes (of our race) at school. Like the cute ones are usually younger than us or like players and stuff. And well, the other race, some of them are this same way, but very few. Like I don't know, i just don't get it. I was all about my race in elemenrary and high school with potential crushing on other races, but in this college scene, there is just so much more to it. Like I don't want to make it about color but it always is. So I don't know what exactly I'm asking here, but any of you going through an interracial phase at the moment... And unfortunately being judged?

  • Yes
    39% (7)57% (4)44% (11)Vote
  • No
    61% (11)43% (3)56% (14)Vote
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Updates:
I think thats why I want to date someone who is mixed. Yet, i want them to be mixed to where they are half of my race. That way, I'd feel less judged and more relatable.
The question here isn't really how do people feel about interracial dating... Its more of do I come off racist for not being too attracted to my own race lately?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm African American and all my life everyone I know has always said that I'd be with a white guy. No idea why but that's just what they say so I've never had anyone judge me for dating outside my race because it's what they expected so I get the complete opposite. But it does happen that black men say I'm not woman enough to handle a black man or I'm not a true black woman which I think is stupid because I've dated in my race as well. I've honestly dated the freaking rainbow and I really don't give a shit what most people say about my relationship because their not in MY relationship it's my personal choice and if I spent all my life worrying about the color of a mans skin I may never find the man that I want. So I say screw everyone else's opinion your preference is your preference do what you want.

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    • Yea I honestly hate i said "phase"... Like I've always been attracted to other races, but lately everytime a guy of my race approaches me, I turn him down. And well, I'm starting to wonder is it because I'm not into him (his personality and features), or am i just not into my race anymore (well at the moment)

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    • Lol but i probably will be with my own race again. I don't know i guess thats why i said phase. At the end of the day, i like most all races... I just have moments of which i like more, well find more attractive. But yea, its more of the guy... Not the whole race in general

    • That's true I never base anything on race just if I'm attracted and they have an amazing personality. But yeah I totally get it.

What Guys Said 7

  • Never had an "interracial phase" but I do find people from certain cultures to be more agreeable than certain cultures who has a tendency to breed pushovers.

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  • If you're not attracted to your own race, then you are not attracted to your own race.

    I'm a White guy and I prefer Asian women (Indian mainly) to other races of women and I honestly couldn't give a single care whether that makes me racist against my own race and I couldn't care less about the opinion of others.

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    • Oh no, deep down, I'll always be into my race... Is just since I've been at college... I only seem to like guys of the opposite race... But i guess its just because I haven't seen any cute dudes of my race in my classes... However, outside of school, yes I've seen many cuties of my race... So yea my bad for confusing myself as well as you all, but I think i got it figured out now

  • I'm from sweden and I'm really only attracted to Asian girls and nordic girls. And some other European ethnicities. Nobody else really catches my attention out of the girls that are "in my league".

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    • Yea, I'm not Asian. I wasn't trying to name all the races in a particular order...

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    • I guess you are black or white American because they always get so fussy about that shit lmao

    • Lmao 😄

  • I guess you are attending a school where not too many guys of your race attend.

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    • No the school has a good portion of Asian, black, white, British, and latino... Its just that lately, one race has drawn my attention a bit more. Like i guess because some guys of my race who have approached me lately were either "Hot but Hoeish", "Comforting but Not Cute", or "Yummy but Young"... So yeaaa at the moment, The guys who I've found attractive ( that were also my age ) all happened to be of another race... And its good to know I'm not alone because some of my friends are going through this too, but I'm just hoping it doesn't make me look bad as if I'm putting down my own kind

    • Everyone has their own preferance and has the right to date anyone they would like to fall in love with. Don't worry about what others say.

    • Yea, I just figure if i date someone who is mixed with at least half of my race, it would be a bit easier on us

  • Some people have a problem with it, others don't. Though I feel like it's really our grandparents that have problems with it. They grew up when it was really kind of unacceptable to do it. Now you see it all the time, especially from the baby boomers or even the millenials

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    • Yes the grandparents are what make me paranoid.. Grandparents play a very important role in my life, but they're usually the first to bring up the "Back then, this race treated that race like this"

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    • My grandpa once told me to only date outside of my race if the other person is "financially" worth it. I honestly wanted to slap him for that statement. We're nowhere near rich ourselves, so for him to stoop that low, or shall i say suddenly become all high maintenance, it was best i walked out the room to avoid further conflict

    • Your race is obviously black and you want to date white guys.. it's okay, go for it. Black men date interracially so much.

  • The girl I like is Asian, but I don't even think of it like that.

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    • Lol I know I may have listed Asian first, but I'm not Asian. And yea I understand ya...

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    • The question here isn't really how do people feel about interracial dating... Its more of do I come off racist for not being too attracted to my own race lately?

    • I don't think it's racist, because I don't care if someone has a preference. I'm just asking what ethnicity are you?

  • To answer your question, no. To answer your implicit question you'll suffer backlash for anything you do that isn't socially seen as a wise investment.

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    • Wow, Thanks Though :)

What Girls Said 12

  • People are people. The only thing that matters is how your partner acts and treats you.
    Anyone not in your relationship that has any thought about your relationship other than "oh there is a couple" then it is THEIR issue. (There is an exception to that in the case of abuse in which the thought should be that person needs help and I am stepping in calling the police.)
    I have never understood why people get so worked up about what others are doing or who they are dating when it has no effect on their own life or anyone else's whatsoever.

    So. Be you. Do what you want to do. Feel sorry for those that have nothing better to do in their own life but think about and complain about YOUR relationships.

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  • lol I'm in a very similar situation right now to what you described as your own.

    In high school, I was pretty much only into white guys. Didn't help that most of the people at my school and that I hung out with were white, but I turned down many guys who were brown and Asian just because I was naive enough to believe the stereotypes or just saw it as a no-go because of social/clique reasons.

    Now, as a university student, I seem to be the least into guys of my own race (white guys) and big time into Asians. My boyfriend, for example, is Asian, and before him I was really into brown guys.

    Of course I do get plenty of weird looks when I'm out with my guy, and friends still seem to often be shocked that I'm into Asians now but... whatever. Not their business whether I'm into my own race or not. If they feel to use race as justification for why I should or shouldn't be with someone, I don't feel the need to play by their rules anyway.

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    • Lol i noticed you said Asians a lot? I take it you assume I'm Asian or am really into Asians at the moment? I mean, i am, but thats not the main race i was speakin of haha... But thanks for relating

    • nono I don't know what race you are, wasn't bringing Asians up with that intention. It's just that when I was younger, I would never imagine dating an Asian and wasn't into them at all. I used to by far prefer dating within my own race as well, and now I'm not only very much into Asians but dating them.
      (I only bring up Asians so much because that's where I did a complete 180 in terms of preference.)

    • Ohh lol

  • I'm Hispanic, Mexican to be specific. My parents and family on both sides couldn't care less what person you dated or married based on their race. They care if that person is good, not a low life, criminal, etc. Not if they are black, white, Asian, blah blah blah. I already have family who is mixed, it is NO PROBLEM in my family. If other judge well who cares people will judge you for good things and bad.

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  • How is being attracted to people of a difference race from you a phase? I mean, they're humans, not hobbies.

    It really depends on the area you live in when it comes to whether interracial dating is accepted or not. I used to live in a town where interracial dating was a rare occurrence, but the town I live in now is extremely racially diverse and interracial couples are actually more common than non-interracial couples.

    It really is so idiotic, how seriously some people view race, it's a complete social construct, and thinking that it's odd that someone is dating another HUMAN BEING just because they don't belong to the same socially constructed racial group is ridiculous.

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    • I worded it wrong. I shouldn't have said phase. Plus, i just really wanted to know why my race considered me "racist" because I haven't been attracted to my own race lately. Like what is the true definition of race, anyway?

    • To clarify when I stated how idiotic how seriously some people take race, I was referring to the same people you stated consider you some sort of racist for not being attracted to your own race, not you (I just realized how it could look like it was directed at you).

      Sometimes when people hear you don't tend to be attracted to people of your own race they may get defensive and peg you as having some sort of complex, but really who you're attracted to is entirely your business. Who are others to dictate who you should be attracted to? It doesn't make sense.

  • I can't believe you actually typed out "like" that many times and I don't really get what you're asking either... but go for it. I'm in an interracial marriage. I think interracial couples are cute. Just date who you love.

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    • Lol sorry, i say "like" a lot when I'm not sure how to explain what Im asking... But yea, I'm feeling better now. I just needed to hear that I'm not considered racist just because i find some races to be more attractive then my own at times

    • Nope, you're fine :)

  • You guys are probably just sheeps and doing it because it’s trendy. Join the crowd :P

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    • Um no... I just wanted to know why some people consider you racist when at times, you find another race more attractive than that of your own...

    • No offense, but you sound unintelligent. Are you so small-minded and/or into yourself and your own views that you can’t wrap your head around why you might sound just a tad bit racist favoring one race over another and dismissing potentially awesome people because of the race they were born into? -_- seriously?

    • But its not about the race as a whole. Its more about that one guy at the moment. Like say he was arabian, I would be like... Oh he looks better than most the so & so guys here... Its stuff like that that most people take the wrong way... But i guess its bad on my part for even comparing him to the other guys

  • I prefer not to make such a big deal out of race. I'm just not attracted to guys outside my own race, but I don't try to let everyone know... ya know?

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  • there are some people around me who dislike the fact i am fine with interracial dating just because they dislike other races. to them, only Asians are the best especially local Asians.

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    • This was one of the reason why I left my home city.
      Snobby Asians.

    • Well yea, I'm not Asian, but I get what you're saying

    • to them, only Asians rule. just because theyhave some stereotype towards other race. the thing is they are not exposed to other nationalities much so what makes them make such remarks. it annoy me.

  • Well I am mixed, so I don't know if I'm any race but I would date any race.

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  • I don't hate my own race. I just rather not risk dating one because they might be related to me in some way and I'm not much into that incest stuff. Even if it's with someone that is not related to me by blood but by marriage, I would still feel uncomfortable with that.

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    • Yea i dont hate my own race either... I just didn't see any attractive guys of my race in any of my classes

  • You haven't even dated. So no issue there (yet)

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    • True, but the real issue was that people were calling me racist for some weird reason... but yea, I'm over it now

    • I guess your people are cultural. To embrace someone different is seen as a treachery to your culture and ethnic kind. I guess they secretly want you too. :P

  • I wouldn't call it a phase but yes I am in an interracial relationship and yes we have been judged for it. People ask me all the time about things that are stereotypical to his race that are really rude and racist.

    I like to think that most people don't care, though. You love who you love, and as long as both people in the relationship at happy that's all that matters.

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    • Yea i shouldn't have said phase, but the question here isn't really how do people feel about interracial dating... Its more of do I come off racist for not being as attracted to my own race lately?

    • No I don't think so. Like I said, you love who you love, and everyone is attracted to different aspects of appearance. It's all good.

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