Are butterflies necessary when you're in love? How do you know that?

I went on a few dates with a guy I see almost daily. When I see him, he makes me smile no matter what he's doing, he's really sweet, helps me whenever I need him, is a gentleman and all that and at the first few dates I had butterflies when I see him or when he puts his hand on my shoulder or back or something. I went on a third date yesterday but I don't feel the butterflies so much anymore. We had our first kiss and I enjoyed it very much, it just felt right. But I always thought that, to know you're into someone, you had to feel butterflies. I'm looking forward to seeing him, can't wait to steal a kiss or two tomorrow but I overthink everything so my head wins from my heart and when my head thinks "you don't have butterflies so you're not falling for him" my heart will think that too... I'm sorry if this sounds weird or anything but I'm not that familiar with love and dating, haha, so if you have some advice, that would be very much appreciated!


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't think the butterflies are necessary, however I know that in my previous relationships, I did not feel butterflies, but thought I was in love. Come to find out, the feelings that I had for those men, or should I say my last relationship in particular, were not true love. I had so desperately wanted to be in loved that I falsely identified lust and the thought of being in love for actual love. Now that I have met a man whom I am truly in love with, I can tell the difference. The feelings I have for this man are much deeper, I feel it at every level- emotionally, mentally, physically and even spiritually. When I am with him, I feel an intense energy, even when we are not physically touching, I feel heat radiating between us and when we do touch, even when it is just our hands brushing against each other, I get sparks and butterflies every time. I have never felt this or had this reaction with anyone else. So, do I think it is necessary? No. However, in my experience it was the only time I have ever felt that sensation.

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    • I've been single for a while and it has been a long time that I've felt like this. But we agreed to take things slow so we could both get used to the idea of something possibly growing between us. To be honest, the butterflies aren't all gone, when I'm with him the first few hours I get butterflies and all, but after that it's just feeling calm and content, like I could sit there with him for hours or days.
      But what you're describing sounds really cute, I'm glad you found someone that makes you feel that way!

    • Thank you and I am glad you have found someone that makes you feel the way you do also. :)

What Guys Said 3

  • ""I'm looking forward to seeing him, can't wait to steal a kiss or two tomorrow""

    You silly goose, that kind of excitement is exactly the direct result of "the butterflies" you speak of, if you weren't excited you would notice the complete apathy.

    Well, unless you find him completely physically repulsive, which just doesn't seem like the case. Admiration creates passion, if you stay interested, you will feel the tension you seek.

    And you shouldn't overthink this. Analyze your emotions, but don't doubt them. I tend to get better decisions when I follow what feels right than what I conceptually evaluate to be the proper decision. Because the world is not a set of concepts, concepts are just a description.

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    • True, maybe I confuse butterflies in my stomach with being nervous, but I'm not nervous because I know he likes me just the way I am. Thanks for your advice!

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    • I used to do that. It sucked.

    • Yup, it does suck. I'm trying to get better in shutting my brain out in stuff like that, haha.

  • I must have a bear inside mine cause I care more about food and am always hungry

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  • All he is pretending.. To share u his bed.. Bet it..

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What Girls Said 4

  • Hi, beautiful.

    So the butterflies are the problem, I see. For my own experience I can tell you that when you fall in love with a person that yes you feel the little butterflies in your stomach. But that can only be in the beginning and if you don't feel them more that doesn't mean you don't like him anymore!
    If when you see him he makes you smile doesn't matter what he's doing, and if he's really sweet and helps you, and if he is a gentleman and all... Damn girl, I think you found a keeper.
    If he makes you happy and smile and all, I think you should give him and you an opportunity. Let the time pass... Don't think about that everyday and believe me the thoughts will disappear. You just need to be with him and know him. And then you will know if you are really in love with the guy.

    Hope I helped! x

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    • Thanks! I think I'm confusing butterflies in my stomach with being nervous, but I'm not nervous anymore so maybe that's why I'm not feeling butterflies? I do want to give him a shot, but I'm afraid I'll overanalyse it again and my head will force my heart to believe to stop going for it.

  • Butterflies just come with nerves and if you're attracted to someone your body tells you with a chemical reaction in your body, therefore forming the butterfly effect. Doesn't necessarily mean you're "in love" because it's not like you're in love with speeches right? Yet you still get butterflies before you do them. Good joke huh 😉

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  • I think yes and no, sometimes it's just adrenaline because you are nervous.

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  • Butterflies is kind of like being nervous but not the bad nervous where you wanna throw up. And as long as he makes you happy and you look forward in seeing him then your good 👌🏼👌🏼

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