I need a man's opinion... well, I guess anyone's opinion?

Me and this guy are going on a first date tomorrow night. We are going see American Sniper. He was in the Army for 8 years and he told me what he will talk about and what he won't talk about when it comes to that. I asked him if he was good with going see this movie because I don't want to make him uncomfortable or make him feel like he has to go see it. He originally said he wanted to see that movie and I told him I did as well. But, he also said he didn't know what other movies were out.

When I asked him if he was sure if he wanted to go see this movie, he changed the subject. I don't want to keep harping on the subject but I really don't know his thoughts. I told him I'd probably be a nervous wreck while I was watching it (but because that's how I am, nothing to do with him) but that it looks good. He said, "I'll probably want to kill the movie screen."

What do I do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm a combat veteran of Afghanistan. I'm rated at 70% for PTSD and I went to see it.
    I'm glad I went to see it because it portrayed the personal side of what a combat veteran goes through. It's realistic in a Saving Private Ryan way.
    Here's what I would advise. You can feel free to ask me anything you would like. No questions are out of line.
    1: Do not plan any other activities before or after the movie. ... He may not be able to function socially or feel VERY uncomfortable around anyone but you for several days.
    2: pick a movie time when it will be less crowded as possible. ... The crowd will be silent for the most part afterwards and reverent so that's good but the time before and when they're settling in will cause some anxiety if it's a full house.
    3: plan to get there just before it starts and go to the concession for him. This way he gets right through to his theater seat past any crowded areas.
    4: plan on driving him after if you can or go in your car. Park as close to the exit as possible
    5: Bring enough tissues so he can dry his eyes to compose himself before the house lights come up. ... I cried like a baby, clenched my fists and hyperventilated but this is not out of the ordinary, just something we suppress most of the time and don't talk about much.
    6: Don't take his silence personally. The same for being quick to anger. He does it because it's his burden to carry, he loves you and doesn't want you to feel any part of that because it's ugly.
    Did that cover it?

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    • Yes!!! Thank you so much!!!

    • You're very welcome.
      Books about the subject of PTSD contain very little useful information. Some of what the VA offers is useful but far from effectual.
      If you want to get valuable information about it, ask a combat veteran. You can refer to me anytime. He's my brother. We're family.

What Guys Said 3

  • Uh... "I'll probably want to kill the movie screen" is a red flag for me lol

    Not all war vets are like that,

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    • I'm aware of that. And he does a good job with talking about everything. The only thing he doesn't like to talk about is his friends who were killed overseas. Soooooo, I don't know how he's going to handle this movie. Which is why I'm fine going see something else so I stressed that.

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    • Thanks. So, I don't need to say anything again right?

    • Nope, he sounds edgy so just let it be.
      Afterwards u could do something like thank him for his services and u really admire the courage he has to do what was necessary.
      The movies great, there are certain things I wished they should better though.. Our soldiers go through a much tougher and challenging training than the little bits they show in the movie.. Mentally and physically challenge their limits. To make them the great soldiers that they are, could have shown a little more passion to how they really act when dealing with their brothers/sisters in the armed forces.

      Overall a really great movie, Clint Eastwood did a great job and bradly cooper was stunning

  • I think you should try to watch another film. He said he'll want to kill the movie screen, I don't think it's a good sign. Just watch another film.

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  • If he was in The service for 8 years him changing the subject may just be a matter of he already told you he was fine to watch the movie. And did not feel he needed to address the question a second time. If the movie is such an issue why not do something that isn't an issue. Something that is more relaxing. And you and him can talk, get to know each other. Instead of being stressed.

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