Broke it off with a separated man until he figures out his marriage (he's seperated) ... Am I wrong?

I’m in my late 30’s and for 10 months I've been dating a man that has been separated from his wife for 18 months now. My kids know him and he’s very cool with my two teen sons. When we first started dating we both agreed that neither one of us was looking for a serious relationship, but it just kind migrated that way over time. I know all his family and have spent time with them on many occasions. I haven’t met his teen kids yet though. We don’t go to church together because he still attends church where he and his wife attended when they were together and she still attends as well. He feels it wouldn't be right for him to bring his girlfriend to church while he’s still married and I agree. However, when I bring up what he’s doing about his marriage, he says he’ll deal with it in his own time.

We've discussed a possible future, but I don’t see how he can be serious if he isn't even ready to end his marriage. He asked me to be patient, but I decided recently to end things. I’m an attractive, financially stable spiritually grounded woman and have a great career that I love. I ended things because I feel like the other woman. He says I’m not but that’s how I feel. I ended things and told him to go get his life right and come find me when he can be a man who is proud to proclaim me as his girlfriend to any and everyone. He says he loves me and I’m not being understanding since I've been through a divorce myself. But I told him I know my worth, I love him but I loving him doesn't mean I should have to compromise my love for myself.

I’m asking for people’s opinion because since this didn't start out with the intentions of being more, am I wrong for, not being patient? If he could tell me he was definitely ending his marriage I would have stayed in the relationship. But I have self-esteem … And I just think if he really loves me and wants me in his life, then he’ll figure out his marriage and get his life in order to be with me…

  • Stay with him until he figures out his marriage?
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  • Leave him and find a single man ready to be with me now?
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Most Helpful Guy

  • This is a interesting situation, considering my best friend is going threw the same thing. He is married. But they are completely separated. His wife wants nothing to do with him period! And he is in the mind set that in the future if his wife decides otherwise he would still be there for her. The reason they don't divorce is for financial reasons. And there 2 young boys. They even live in the same house. It's crazy and horrible all at the same time. But he lives in his room and she in hers. She also have boyfriends that stay there with her.. And I know for a fact they have nothing between them. He is seeing a very beautiful older lady she is I think in her late 40's he is my age. And she gets hung up on the fact that he is in the situation he's in. This is not new news she knew far before the feeling ever started. Problem is she has been single for quite a while and is afraid. Not only of the situation but the age difference. That seems to come up from her. He has no problem with it. It horrible because he is a faithful and honest person to a fault! And he really like this woman. But it seems as if she is selfdistructing the "relationship" before it ever really gets started.

    That said, my friend and his "wife" aka ex. Do nothing together They may speak to each other but that's about it. There is no sign whatsoever that could even be a questionable about there situation. So therein lies my point. If he is true to what he seas there should be no question about it. If there are situations that are questionable most likely it's because it is. Trust your gut feeling. Your 38 so your old enought to know better. And you are correct!!! Don't ever let any one try to compemise your self respect!! A woman that respects her self will be respected!
    And it's also very sexy!!

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    • I also forgot to say.. If is "wife" aka ex decides to give it another try. He would only if he was available. He would not leave any relationship for her. As I sad he is honest and faithful.
      And yes if this guy truly loved you and wanted to be with you he would stop at nothing to do so!

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    • I'm happy to help! Good luck!

    • Glad I could help! Good luck!

What Guys Said 1

  • If he's separated and they're in the process of getting divorced, then I don't think you should leave him. But if they're separated but do not intend on getting divorced, then you need to move on.

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What Girls Said 3

  • You're right! You're the other woman. What cemented it for me is you haven't met his kids & they go to church as a family. I think you allowed him too much leniency, so he took advantage of it. He is indeed still with his wife, I'd wager if you looked up public records - clerk of court for the county he lives in that there'll be no pending dissolution. Be smart, kick him to the curb.

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    • Thanks so much for your honest input. But just to make a correction, he and the wife attend church, the kids don't go. I don't get it... But... He and the wife don't sit together and even the time I went without telling him he wasn't seated with her... But regardless... I agree with you... Because I feel like the side chick even though he swears I'm not...

  • I wouldn't say you should run looking for someone else. Wait and see if gets some bal*s. If he doesn't then move on. But you were completely right to leave him.

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  • You absolutely did the right thing, and congrats to you for having the courage and self worth to so that.

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