Would a girl agree on a date just to be "nice" or get a free meal?

After three dates we haven't really become intimate, which is fine but I feel I do all of the work. I am unsure if she is just trying to be nice and avoid saying no while getting a free meal or if it is genuine. I have told her my feelings but I never really got a yes/no answer

Updates:
not sure where you guys are assuming sex came from. I just meant like holding hands etc

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Bro, do yourself a favor and move on to the next fish. It's a big ocean out there and you owe it to yourself to find a woman who is going to be into you from the jump.
    My advice, be honest with yourself. If you're unsure after three dates, it's a wash.

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    • This. You two are simply not on the same page in terms of speed at which a romantic relationship develops, which means you two are NOT compatible.

      Cut her loose.

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    • Effin' A, brother-man.

    • Forget her! Date me, never really had a lad who cared 😞

What Girls Said 56

  • maybe to be nice, so as not to hurt your feelings... i mean, unless a girl is really broke and struggling to put food on the table, i can't understand the free meal concept. if her feelings are unclear, just ask her where she thinks this is heading. if she's ambivalent, just dump.

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    • what's the point of her trying to be "nice". it's just wasting my money and time. Id rather know straight up so i can move on

    • because women are not encouraged to be direct like that. we're all about tact.

  • I say yes to a date just to see if I like the guy.
    I'd prefer not to eat at all. I don't want to make a mess of myself, I don't want to order a salad because what I actually want is too messy. I don't want to try and make conversation between bites and mouthfuls of food. I don't want to order something to expensive if the guy wants to pay for everything.
    But just because the guy pays for the food doesn't mean I'm obligated to kiss him or pretend that i liked him if I really didn't. But then its like if I don't lead him on like that then he feels used for a free meal.
    Skip a dinner, do something fun. Dinner is way too much pressure

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  • I have a friend who does this. It's pretty low of her to be honest.

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  • Maybe she doesn't move fast. I am similar, except I pay for my meal or pay half. Cuz I KNOW that guys assume that girls would wanna date just for a free meal if she doesn't even kiss him. And I know me, I don't kiss or nothing for the first few dates cuz I feel that's weird.
    She's probably similar to me. Or maybe not.
    I need more details on her behavior during the dates and your communications with her.

    But from the information you gave me so far, I cannot be sure.
    I also tell the guys straight up from the getgo that I do not like to move fast. That I know in today's society people are fucking on the first date. That's fine, but I'm not like that. It will take days even weeks for me to get physical even a kiss. And I tell them if they're not ok with that, to not waste my time.

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    • Interesting. Like I'm not looking for a hook up or anything. I've just never encountered this type of behavior before. Guess I'll see how it goes

    • Yea, trust me. Both my exes thought I was joking. They found out the hard way I wasn't lol I don't kiss or nothing on the first date. They said they have never encountered that before. Usually they're at least making out by the end of the first date. Not I.
      She's probably similar to me.

  • For me it's about being nice rather than a free meal.
    Do you know any of her back story? When me and my boyfriend first started seeing each other it was a similar story - he was much more into me than I was him, but I was recovering from a nasty break up from a long term relationship. I did explain my situation to him and he was very patient, but like you he was frustrated and wasn't sure if I liked him.

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  • If a guy asked me on a first date and I knew he wasn't a jerk, I'd say yes because every nice guy deserves a chance. But if I wasn't interested after that, I wouldn't agree to more dates. Maybe she's just trying to be cautious so she doesn't get hurt. I've learned there are few things worse than giving too much too soon and ending up feeling betrayed and heartbroken because of it. Better safe than sorry.

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  • Maybe she's the shy type... Or... Maybe she doesn't have much experience with intimacy & men? Has she been recently broken up with a guy before you? If so, she could still be thinking about him & not be emotionally invested in you as of yet/not ready for a relationship/intimacy. If not the above reasons, she could be using you... I can relate to all of the above reasons (not the using one), so I know. I was exactly the same in a previous relationship. LOL!

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  • She might be new to dating or want to not rush things. Holding hands doesn't seem too bad for a third date. :) Maybe just reach for her hand and see if she pulls away. Sometimes agreeing on a date can be to just be nice. Today I had a friend who said she now has a valentine date with a guy she doesn't like because she felt rude to say no to him. Some might also just want a free meal. It's hard to tell. I'd say just try getting closer to her and see how she reacts. Again, I don't think hand holding or things of that likeness on the third date would be bad.

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  • Three dates, if there was no prior friendship and knowing each other, that's way unreasonable to expect sex. How long have you known you? Is there more time you've invested in a friendship or earning her trust before the three dates?

    If not, I'd say you're expecting way too much too soon and you can't write her off so fast. Unless of course, you're mainly looking for sex. Men who rush tend to be in it for one thing and don't want to invest time in things they later wish to discard. And I HAVE NEVER wasted my time on a date for a free meal, is that what your female relatives do?

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  • Some girls are awkward, but if you haven't even kissed after three dates... she's most likely not into you and because you've told her how you feel already she probably doesn't want to hurt your feelings and doesn't know what to do?

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  • I never have, but a girl would have to be pretty shallow to date just to get free food -___-

    Ask her what she feels about you.. if she can't look you in the eyes as she answers, or if she gives you a BS response.. then I would move on. Girls love to talk about feelings, especially to a potential partner. It shouldn't be pulling her teeth to tell you how she feels, if she does...

    good luck!

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  • just like @pr3ttybr0wn said, unless they're in a financial crisis then it's not for a free meal. So either she's leading you on, playing hard to get, or just being nice. Time will tell. You could back off (in a gentle, respectful way) and see how she reacts. Try not to fall in love with her. :/ I know my species is confusing.

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  • If you bombard this woman she is going to back off just go with the flow she will be assessing you to see if your bf material or if all this splashing on dates is going to fizzle away or if you are a true gentleman

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  • I think if they feel really bad and they knew u really liked them and didn't want to say no they would do it and try to just act more of a friend then anything else but I don't think most would do it just to get free food bc that's rude, maybe I'm wrong but those r just my thoughts

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  • Only poor girls do this. If she isn't in financial disaster no that's not why. Maybe she's awkward or shy or scared.

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    • not true at all. all girls can do this. money is hard to come by, they can literally save hundreds if not thousands if she's got the looks every month

    • No. Not at all

    • I'm sorry, but I come from poverty and during my first ten dates with my boyfriend I took it slow. It had nothing to do with wealth.

  • Yes. A girl would say yes to a date just to be nice.
    Though, probably not more than once unless she genuinely wants to date you

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  • She is by pobably exploring her options at the moment you taking her out is nice.. she is enjoying the fact she is single and can date.. dont force it cause you will push her away take her somewhere different where you both will have a awesome time and make sure its just you two... you might get more than your asking ;)

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  • So she hasn't had sex with you after 3 meals and you think she is using you for free food?

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    • thats not what im after

    • well you could figure it out if she's using you or not if sex isn't what you want. ever think the DICK is what she wants? modern girls want and expect the D

  • Yeah they're called golddiggers

    My friend's sister is super smoking so she uses dating apps to get free food from ugly guys who can't get laid. She never has to pay for anything when there's a guy willing to throw himself under a bus for her. Oh, the advantages of being hot.

    Buuuut in your case OP, she could be shy?

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    • Your friend's sister is paying with her time and looks. Being with good looking people often provides for a certain value, a social value, a confidence value.

      The advantages of being hot indeed. I get free drinks from ugly girls too.

  • I've don't dates that I'm not super excited about but was willing I give the guy a try (these where mainly blind dates). But I always pay for my own meal so that doesn't matter to me

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  • I've head some girls that would agree to it for a free meal, which in my opinion feel is really in cool. But I don't do either. It may be date like but ill always let the guy know my intentions and whether I like him like that or dont before a date or what not. Honesty is good :)

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  • It's only the third date. I didn't let my boyfriend hold my hand or kiss me until the 10th date. During that time the girl is usually observing you. Maybe make the first move by holding hands at a movie.
    Is this her first relationship?

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  • Getting to know someone new is always fun and exciting so why not over dinner. It sounds like you should stop taking her out and go on non-meal type dates and/or have an open convo with her about the way your feeling. because if u take her out all the time and don't feel close or a mutual connection with her she may be taking advantage of u for food.

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  • If you like her, give her some time. Maybe she's been abused in the past & it takes her longer to feel comfortable enough to be intimate or physical. That's the case for me. I don't have a 3 date rule or anything. It normally takes quite a while for me to get comfortable in a relationship. If you really like her, she's probably worth the wait.

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  • Yes girls will go on dates to just be nice. Usually you can tell by how they act if they like you or not. If they are saying "We should go on another date soon!" she probably likes you. But if she don't bring it up ever and only says yes to your date offer then probably not.

    Find someone who is obviously interested in you.

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  • Maybe she is shy or she is just being nice but if you already told her your feeling and she did nothing.. Well I think you should move and stop wasting your time, you will find someone that will really appreciate your meals, so don't be dumb dude just go for it !

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  • She might also just want a company when she's bored? But a shy, introverted girl or a girl who has a lot of pride (like me) might also do this. Or she's been profiling?

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  • I know a lot of times I have trouble turning someone down because I feel bad, so that could be the case

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  • it depends she might like you and just might not be ready for intimate stuff yet or she is just going through it money wise. BUT she might just be a free loader and only want to get free meals cause she has nothing better to do with her life.

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  • Move on, she's more than likely just being nice and isn't really romantically interested. It's obvious that she isn't really because by the second date most girls decide if they are interested or not. And thy let the guy know.

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  • More from Girls
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What Guys Said 18

  • Taking a good look at yourself and herself, are both of you a typical 'dream' story ready to begin?

    That means you both good looking enough for each other, socially you're both on the same level with interacting with others, financially you're both in a decent place with respect to one another, you're both intellectually compatible, etc etc.

    If either one of you is too good for the other, it is likely that one of you will be holding back.

    Girls know they can't keep a guy who's too good for them, and won't want to just sacrifice random stuff just for his sake.

    Girls will consider SERIOUSLY whether or not to date someone that they can't picture a compatible match with, their friends will really grill them on this issue.

    I kinda zoomed into a relationship with a girl who wasn't good enough for me once, aaaaand, we broke up.

    So she probably becomes a little more careful with the next one, that's how things are.

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    • It could go either way. A person can be careful bc they think are not as intersted as the other. or bc they think they are more interested than the other.

  • Some aren't good at saying no till you escalate and then they say no.

    Some want the self esteem boost of not feeling like nobody wants them.

    Some want the free meals. There was a girl in my city who had a blog of 50 high end restaurants she couldn't afford that she was slowly working through via primarily online dates with guys she had zero interest in.

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  • Possibly. But getting a free meal, that's just low, and I think would be apparent from other aspects of her personality.

    Just being nice could also be possible. But it would not really be about "Being nice" but more about testing the waters and getting to know you better, without committing too early.

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  • Valentine's Day is coming up. They should just call it "Mental Health Day."
    Sounds like she just likes going on dates. Ask her if she would like to split the bill next time but wait until she's eating the meal she thought you were paying for.
    You can phrase it something like, "I don't want you to feel obligated to me since we're really not a couple."

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  • I have run across a few women that did this. They were all about buttering me up if they wanted me to buy them something or in general, do something for them. Any other time, It did not seem as if I existed to them at all. I would test the waters to confirm what I thought was going on. If nothing got reciprocated, That was it. I remember it for the next time they ask for something. I don't do one way streets.

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  • I think more girls do this, than they care to admit!

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  • Yea people do that, but you're an ass to expect intimacy from a woman after buying her a third bowl of French onion soup or whatever you do on your dates. Just be up front and ask her

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    • easy on the accusations there..

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    • You imply it

    • well frankly your take on my situation is unfounded based on "implying it"

  • Yes, for both questions. God knows I'd go out on a date with a hideous women for a free meal. Besides if she's that ugly she probably has some good stories.

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    • Well then I guess you two would have something in common meanie!

    • Name one thing that I said there that was mean.

  • You make the move, man. Just be slow, smooth, and gesture to let her know you want to be intimate before you move in so she's not taken by surprise. If you make a big deal out of it she will too, so don't.

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  • Of course. They are called dinner whores. A lot of girls do that for free drinks and meals. Never spend over $40 on a date. There are always exceptions. It sucks being in the position your in

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  • Yeah they're called Gold diggers and unfortunately they live in all parts of the world.

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  • leave her. girls do use dating to save money for free meals and dates. there's documentaries about it. one day you next day another guy...

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  • Either she's a shy not very interested in intimacy type of girl or just there for the food/attention.

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  • Maybe bro. Sisco said it best. (Some of)" These girls out here are scandalous" and of course Ricky Martin bro. Go back and listen to Livin lavida loca. You will find your answer... and dance a bit too. Cheers

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  • Most women will m date a person in order to get to know them.

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  • After 3 dates you're doing all the work she isn't into you and out for a free meal.

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  • If she's saying yes, but she's saying yes, with an unenthusiastic look, then she's giving you a chance, just to see what you're like on the date. If she likes it, she'll say yes to another date, with a little more excitement. But you really don't want her saying yes without excitement the first time... because then you know she may not be actually enjoying you as friends anyway

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  • Girls use guys. Lots and lots of them just go out with guys because it means free meals, free drink, free movies, ...
    But many girls don't do this at all, they just like a guys, and they hope the more romantic feeling/attraction will come in time. Often it does.
    Let your pheromones do there job. Be around her, adore her, be nice. The rest will come in time.

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