Why is he like this now but never was before?

My bf and I have been dating for over a year and we have lived together for most of our relationship. He is the one who asked me to move in with him. We fight quite a bit. Mainly due to me not trusting him. But lately he has been being a big jerk. He was never really like this before. He could be a jerk once in awhile but not like he is now. He tells me it is because I fight with him all the time and i need to grow up. But really he is the one that needs to cuz he is immature. His dad can be a jerk to which is where my bf got it from. I've told him whay I wanted him to change for our relationship to get better. Which is to not treat me like ****, start showing he loves me like he use to when we first started dating, and quit getting turned on by girls ( which he gets turned on easily including his own sister in law) which it is one reason it is hard to trust him completely. We don't have sex much anymore. His reasons are he's to tired, not in the mood or I was fighting with him or I make him mad. He never really wants to cuddle either. I will go by him and sometimes I will start talking and he will be like shhhh my shows on. Which all he does at night is watch tv. He never use to tell me to shhhh all the time before. But now it's like ALL THE TIME... I honestly do not know why he has changed like this. I've asked if he wanted me to move out or take a break but he always says no. I've asked if he has cheated on me and he says no. I've asked that cuz when he never wants to do it anymore or cuddle. And now when it comes time to do stuff with my family I will ask him and he will be like maybe. Which I'm sure he will end up going when we go out to eat. But just seems like he is lying or cheating on me. Or could this just be since I moved in to soon and our one year anniversary was in august!


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What Guys Said 2

  • His excuses for not wanting sex are odd. I could imagine a girl saying that to her boyfriend but not vice versa. Most guys unless really upset will jump at the opportunity.

    I wonder if he has lost attraction to you? Have you asked him if he still finds you physically attractive? Does he ever compliment you or make you feel and wanted? Have you discussed what it is he wants to change so you can be back how you use to be? It's a tough situation to be in.

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    • Well I have gained a little weight. Not enough to buy new clothes. So maybe that's why? No he never complements me anymore. No he never likes to communicate which makes it hard to talk about stuff. I know he watches p*rn too. But I don't know just makes me feel unwanted by the person I love :(

    • It's really just guessing since only he knows the answers to his behaviour. The only way to find out is to try and get him at a good time and discuss it.

      Maybe he doesn't realise how much this is hurting you. If he's always busy and won't talk, ask him in advance when he can spare and hour or two when you can talk about us and the way you are both feeling. Don't bring it up unless you have time to talk and he is engaged to listen. For example if he's watching tv and just says let's talk about it now. Don't. You need to be alone with no distractions so you can sort through this.

      Be clear with your feelings, even make notes and try to get answers for your concerns. It sounds hard I know but this is really the only way of trying to understand his actions.

  • Honestly, I'm sorry to say this, but I don't see any way that things can get better, if it continues like this it'll only get worse with the time. I think it's time to think if this relationship can really get anywhere.

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