Why do girls like me continue to fall for LOSER/JERK guys and want the good guys as friends?

Let me describe the "good guy"
He treats me like a princess, takes me to dinner, he makes future plans, he is a great friend and we have been seeing each other for almost a year now and all we have done is kiss. On paper he is perfect, good looking, smart, rich, fluent in french, helicopter pilot, great family and most importantly treats me well! Obviously he is a total catch!!

But I can't see myself being loyal to him :((

I am the extremely loyal type, so when I like a man immediately he is the best thing ever and then suddenly there is no other guy in the world.

The guys I am loyal too though are scrubs.. the guys that want to "chill" and not make plans. They surf all day, sleep on a twin bed, have no job and no plans.

I treat these guys like kings and buy them things, make them meals, clean their house, give them sex whenever they want. They never commit or stay for very long.

What is wrong with me? Advice please...


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you're addicted to them. No matter how hard you try to impress them, they're NOT impressed at all. So you keep trying as hard as you can, until it finally hits you that any more effort is pointless. But, since you never got their approval, you've got to keep trying over and over with different guys who are the same type to try and get it anyway.

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What Guys Said 9

  • Could be an issue with self worth, maybe related to your upbringing. Could also be because you just haven't found the right guy yet. Maybe helicopter guy takes life too seriously.. Maybe you just want to find someone you share a connection with who isn't a jerk. Not sure what you mean by staying loyal though, you control that. If you are at that point then it's up to you to stop yourself and break up.. I don't see how you can be more likely to cheat.

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    • Of course loyalty is a choice.. and I wouldn't cheat on anyone.. But what I am saying is I worship guys that don't treat me well and if someone hits on me I have zero interest. But with the good guy.. I do have interest in other guys and I

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    • You don't get what I am trying to say.. I definitely don't like submissive men.. I like dominate and I like to be submissive. I am not saying I mind being hit on.. I am saying that if I am with the "scrub" I will not respond other men that hit on me... but if I am with the good guy... I just might take up another offer

    • You are putting guys in to only two categories. If you are struggling to keep interest in the "good guy", yet revel towards the "bad guy" you just haven't found one thats perfect for you.

      All it means is the guys you have dated don't do it for you in different ways.. it has absolutely nothing to do with good or bad guy. Rest assured there is someone out there who is the "good guy" yet will tick all your boxes and keep you wanting him. If you keep putting men in boxes, you are probably just going to head down the same path as you have been so far. Think a little deeper about what you do and don't like in a partner, then it should be clear what traits you want to find in someone. There is a lot more to it than just going for the wrong type of guys.

  • Either you're just going after attractive (emotional + physical) guys regardless of how they treat you...

    ... or you find it hot when they're all laid back and casual...

    ... or you look down on guys who chase after you...

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    • all of the above

    • The first is hard to change, but hey, you can at least screen out the ones who don't treat you well.

      As for the latter...

      It's actually quite common to be pulled into other people's 'frame'. That is if they frame they should be chasing you, you imagine them as being beneath you. And if they act like you should be chasing them, your mentally assume they must be superior to you. Players use this -heavily-. It's why they never chase and often do things like 'neg hit'.

      But recognizing that it's a really bad assumption is the first step to not automatically assuming it's true. Start telling yourself 'he's not indifferent to me because he's so awesome, he'd be LUCKY to have me. He's just a lazy jerk'. And other guys 'he's not desperate, he's a good guy, who cares about making me happy and expects the same back'

      Keep telling yourself till your brain absorbs it.

    • Wow this is very true.. and I like to put a man on a pedestal and worship him.. and if I feel they are beneath me then how can I do that..

  • As you get older and wiser, your tastes will change...

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    • Are you suuuurrrreeee about that? LOL. Seriously, I have female family members that are 25+, and they still go after "bad" guys. Age is just a number these days!

  • You crave drama. Good guy isn't exciting, scrub guy is.

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  • I think its a flaw in the female psyhce. There has to be something wrong with this guy

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  • It is that the jerks have money or fooled by their charms.

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    • In this case the nice guy is rich and the jerks are poor beach bums lol

    • Then, you are scare of the nice guy's money.

  • You're trying to find something wrong with him, you don't believe he can be this 'perfect'

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  • Sexual attraction. Your body wants to get pregnant from someone you are sexually attracted to. Sexual attraction has nothing to do with suitability for a relationship. That's the female dream--find a guy who you want to impregnate you and who is suitable for a relationship.

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    • very true.. it can be easy to confuse the sexual attraction and actual compatibility. Thank you for your advice

  • You're probably a guy who is trying to push the "nice guy" agenda. Girls should date who they want and suffer any negative consequence themselves.

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    • I am not a probably a guy.. I am woman..

What Girls Said 2

  • No matter how good the guy is if the attraction isn't there you can't force it. As for dating jerks

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    • Well, sometimes you gotta kiss a few frogs before finding your prince.

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    • Also, watch for those red flags when you first start dating, if you see things you don't like don't keep dating him. Gl

    • Also, no sex until you've formed a relationship.

      Sry for the cut up posts, this site is screwy with my iPad ;)

  • Issues. Don't like yourself. Glutton for punishment. Like drama. No self worth. Tons of reasons girls do it it seems like. Never understood it myself though...

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