Dating someone your parents disapprove of, racially or religiously?

Be honest. Have you, or would you, date someone your parents disapproved of on racial or religious grounds? How would you go about introducing them?

  • I would not date outside what I know my family would approve of.
    12% (20)9% (7)11% (27)Vote
  • I would or have dated outside my family's comfort zone. It didn't work out.
    9% (14)9% (7)9% (21)Vote
  • I would or have dated outside my family's comfort zone. They came to accept it.
    15% (24)13% (10)14% (34)Vote
  • My family's comfort zone is broad enough that I haven't run into conflicts.
    24% (39)27% (21)25% (60)Vote
  • I don't care what they think, it's my life.
    40% (64)42% (32)41% (96)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
I envy the 'D' voters here...

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Most Helpful Girl

  • My parents are the typical strict and traditional Asian parents. But since I grew up in Canada, their views have changed and come on, will they be the one who'll marry this person you're dating? No. It's your life, and you have to push that fact to your parents for them to learn how to accept your choices, dating wise.

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What Girls Said 55

  • Yup, I have and am dating someone who my parents, namely my mom disapprove of on both ethnic and religious grounds.

    My ex was Fijian and I believe his family was Hindu, though not really practicing. It never got to be a huge issue between him and my family as I kept being with him super secretive. My current boyfriend of over a year is Chinese and non-religious, which doesn't sit well with my mom at all. Frequent remarks trying to guilt-trip me that, in the slim chance that there's marriage, we won't be able to get married in the church, making it not a valid marriage in her eyes and she won't attend. Silly on another level that we're both 22 and only been together just over a year but yeah...
    She denies having issues with his ethnicity, but the regular remarks say otherwise.

    I introduced him as just a friend at first. Sort of tested the waters. Got them to like him when they saw he was a great guy, no bad intentions or anything. About a month after they started singing his praises, I just casually mentioned going on a date with him. So no big, formal introduction necessary.
    It is what it is, I'm not racist and see no rationale behind these views from the olden-days. If we get along well and keep each other happy, I'll stay with him regardless.

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  • my parents are very accepting. my grandmother, aunt, and possibly some other extended family, however, are quite racist. my boyfriend is not white. i love him and when they eventually meet him, they will either have to deal with it or deal with me when i quite literally yell at them for being immature jerks who have their heads up their asses and then never speak to them again. their choice. 0:)

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  • Got into a serious relationship with a half-black guy a few years back. I'd say the majority of my family was open-minded but quite a few of my extended family disapproved. Also, my mom was in a new relationship with my now step-dad and he didn't approve, so I got a lot of talks regarding that issue.

    I stood my ground though. I was never raised to be racist, I went to a big school, and I was in love with a guy who treated me amazing. Over time, once I started bringing him around, everyone grew to really like him. We're not together anymore, but even the "racist" side of my family will bring him up at Christmas time and have nice things to say about him. Many even said I opened their eyes a bit.

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  • I voted C! I had many difficult times with a good portion of my family for much of my younger years, but all has healed and they have totally accepted my choice.
    As a white girl born and raised in south Florida my preference to date black guys raised many an eyebrow, created many cruel arguments and tears. I was a stubborn girl and was going to date who I wanted.
    Then at 21 I ended up pregnant giving birth to the most wonderful little girl in the world. Her father was black and to make it even worse at home was I had to admit I had slept with several guys on the same night as I conceived and really had no idea who the father was. It wasn't until my daughter began to become active (standing, walking, etc) that my father fell totally in love with HIS granddaughter (the first he had ever made reference that it was his granddaughter) and now 8 years later just try and get them apart. LOL I am now married to a wonderful man, he is black and I met him some years ago while vacationing in the Caribbean so not only was he black. he wasn't even an American citizen at that time. We are now all good my family and relatives have come to love my husband and daughter. I'm also so happy to say hubby and daughter are just two peas in a pod.
    As bad as it all started I am totally blessed and wouldn't change anything now!

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  • I haven't dated someone outside my race... would I absolutely. ... I don't care what my family would say... why because I'm in charge of my own happiness, I'm the only one who can make myself happy... at the end of the day all that should matter to my family is that their daughter is happy!!! end of story.

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  • I voted D.

    Mostly because my mother straight up announced at dinner one day that she'd be perfectly fine if any of her children wanted to either date another member of their own gender or a person who wasn't white.

    So I take that to mean I can date whoever the heck I want. Even a purple alien.

    As it is, my significant other is a Caucasian male with blonde hair and blue eyes. So...

    The freedom to date anyone I want is there. But who I want to date happens to be exactly in the "super safe" zone.

    I'm pretty sure they'd be less in favor of me dating someone who wasn't of the same religious beliefs as us, but they'd probably get over it.

    My boyfriend also is perhaps more religious than myself so... yeah, no danger of me pushing any boundaries with him haha

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  • My parents are not narrow-minded bigots. So...
    They wouldn't be happy if I chose to date someone religious, but I kind of agree with them.
    I don't think I'd ever be with someone whose life revolved around religion.
    Anyway, I voted D since my parents don't care that much about my dating choices.

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  • I don't care about it.
    I think people should fight for their own happiness and not let parents decide for them. especially when their reasons are race and religion.

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  • Kind of a combination of C and D. My mom always says that she she wouldn't date outside of her race. She doesn't dislike other races, she just would rather date inside of our race. Me on the other hand, I don't mind dating outside my race. I haven't yet but I've always liked white guys more than anything, and Puerto Ricans on occasion. I've asked her how she would feel if I brought a white guy home and she said that it was my choice. I don't know about the rest of my family. There are some that dislike white people but that's not my problem.

    Religion is a little different. I was raised as a Christian and decided to stick with in my adult life. My dad was Jehovahs Witness and him and my mom clashed a lot. I think my mom would be a little disappointed if I decided to date someone with a different religion. Just because of what she went through with my dad. I know she'd be more pissed if I dated someone who didn't identify with any religion tho. She's not too fond of atheist and people that question if there is a God. But, u don't think she would disown me or anything.

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  • i always consider what my parents will think of someone I'm with. i truly respect their preferences when it comes to dating and i myself dont find anything outside that appealing.
    they know me best and have been right every time i did the opposite of what they've said, so id only be stupid not to take a hint and actually listen if i wanna get anywhere in life.

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  • I imagine my parents would've wanted me to date a guy as well off as I am, but I don't really care about what they would've wanted, they weren't very humble people

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  • my answer would be D & E, my mum doesn't care what race or gender someone is anyway and is always welcoming and accepting but even if she was racist i would still date whoever i wanted and she could like it or lump it

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  • My parents are conservative Christians and they want me to date someone of my religion. Only, some "Christian" guys can be jerks, and non-Christian guys can be really nice. But I'd kinda prefer a guy who's a Christian because I like the values. But, if I felt his heart was in the right place, I'd commit suicide and date him. :D

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  • My parents are both passed away, so I do not have to think about it. However, the opinions of my sister and my extended family mean a great deal to me. Most of them happen to be very open-minded individuals and just want me to be in a happy, healthy, loving relationship. If there ever were an issue, it would likely be for a reason other than religion, race or gender. The issue would likely lie in how I was being treated. If they were to see something that I did not for some reason; something that perhaps love had blinded me to. Their opinion would matter a great deal and I would have to sit back and really think about my relationship.

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  • Well... When I was younger, my mom said that she wasn't particularly fond of the idea of "colored" or foreigners as a dating option, but she said that would deal with it. I got to college and briefly dated an Asian guy. I told her that and she flipped out, saying that my option needed to be native. Okay... So, after that, I found a local guy and she liked him because he went to church, but he was a total d! ck and he cheated on me because I didn't put out.
    Finally, I found another guy that I actually knew from high school days. We met up again and started dating. He was atheist and nerdy, cute in his own way type. So... My mom liked him at first... Her opinion changed when she found out that he was atheist and didn't come from a lower middle class family. She wanted me to dump him and find someone, who was religious and devoted. Wait, my now fiance is devoted and we have a family together after five years together. We have our own place, we have a healthy little boy and we are happy with each other. Sadly, my family doesn't really talk to me because I defied the family rules.
    Word of advice: Don't always listen to what others think is right, because it might not be right for you. Also, you were given a brain and the ability to choose, use it. My motto: Live and learn.

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    • I completely agree! My dad is exactly the same... The only problem I'm facing is the fact that he financially supports me. I'm still a student, but I'm turning 24 already this year... Can you believe it... -__- . He still has a say over everything I do. I guess that can't & won't change until the day you are completely independent!

  • i think it's hard to answer this question if you haven't dated outside of your parents' comfort zones.

    i've had plenty of people who though their parents were open-minded people until they saw who they were dating (mostly when it came to dating someone outside of their race).

    i had a guy ask me out after we were friends for a while. the moment his parents found out, they said "they can be your neighbors, but you can't date 'em."

    he ended up canceling our date and we haven't been friends ever since. were friends for almost two years, met his parents and everything. our racial difference was an issue for them.

    i'm not saying that's everyone's situation, but it does happen.

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  • My parents didn't like the guy I'm seeing because he's a Christian and I'm not a Christian, he was the one that witnessed me in becoming a Christian we had this connection and started dating. My parents did not like him at first but once they saw how happy I was and when they finally got to know him they ended up liking him as well.

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  • Honestly i would try to find the middle course. Yes usually i care my freedom a lot but i can't ignore my family if i'm serious with that guy because they want my happiness.. And families usually see the facts better than us that's why we should take heed their sayings. If we can be constructive, sooner or later they respect us. There is no need to lose our family and there is no need to be so pigheaded in my estimation. So we rule our life of course but we care our everything's (the family) opinions too..

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  • My parents couldn't care less about the color of my partner's skin. Religion is a bit more sensitive, because they would like it if I ended up with someone with the same beliefs because they think my life would be better in that way, but they still accept when that doesn't happen.

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  • Mine is a mixture between D and E. I know my dad wouldn't care if I dated another girl, since my sister has and he was cool with that. However my both mum and dad are racists towards Muslims and dads racists towards Asians and black people as well. But I also believe that if they treated me right and I loved them the he would come around... Probs not mum though :/

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  • My parents don't care who I date as long as they treat me well. The very first guy I ever dated, however, had to break up with me because his mother "disapproves of any girl who is not Korean". It sucks because he is so sweet, oh well at least we are still friends:)

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  • If the relationship was serious enough, I wouldn't mind introducing him to the family. If my found something they didn't like about him, depending on what it is and how deep my feelings go for the person, I might be able to overlook my parent's/family's disapproval.

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  • My family doesn't have a comfort zone. I'm an atheist so they accepted me, there's no reason for them not to accept anyone I date.

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  • I'm dating a guy right now that my parents don't approve of COMPLETELY. They don't trust me now, because I'm with him. I'm white and my boyfriend is black.. That's a major reason,

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  • I voted A. My parents wouldn't accept a man anything less than an engineer and a muslim. I don't really mind.

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    • Good luck to you.

    • Show All
    • No, I'm just saying I hope you find what you're looking for.

    • Im not looking for anything

  • Well I'm mixed, so they don't give a fuck if I date a minority. But they do want me to date a Christan, which I get but don't really care about befre. My first boyfriend was Buddhist and it was nice at first but religion comes up sooner or later, and its not a topic I want to talk about because people always think I'm forcing my beliefs on them.

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  • Well my parents wouldn't care actually, they don't mind as long as he isn't a "bad" man. By bad I mean not abusive, controlling, aggressive, rude, unfaithful, etc. They just want me to be happy.

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  • I love them to death but it's my life and I'my an adult and can see whoever I want.

    I know my parents would be really upset with me if I brought a Black guy home. Or a Muslim or a radical Atheist. Which is why I don't respect their opinion on who I date, because it's bigoted. If they had their way I'd date a boring, cornbread Christian church boy. And that's just not what I want

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  • D and E, my parents don't want anything for me but to be but happy. I've got extended family that would 'dissaproce' of a few options, but I could honestly care less.

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  • My parents didn't approve of my dating people of 'the same sex'. (They degendered my trans man [ex]-fiancĂ©, but surprisingly, it was actually the more religious portion of my family that came around. As a good Christian should, in my opinion.. just surprising to me, because they usually don't). Also they weren't originally pleased that I was mostly attracted to other girls.

    They're better now. Those that aren't, I have cut contact with.

    I voted C

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What Guys Said 31

  • As a White man, I have never dated a White woman. I have always dated Black, Hispanic, Asian and even an Iranian woman (many years ago). My parents were racists and felt that I would ruin my life and my children's lives (if I had kids with someone outside of my race). I ended up marrying a Hispanic woman and we have2 children... my parents adore my children and their attitudes towards interracial dating/marriage is permanently changed... for the better.

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  • If I loved her a lot I could care less what my parents think. My father only wants me to date Chinese girls, but thats his problem.

    I'm dating her not my parents!

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  • I doubt they'll be against me dating someone of different race, but if they do, I couldn't give two shits about it. They don't approve? Then fuck them. I don't wanna be around people that don't wanna see me happy.

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  • My immediate family doesn't have a "comfort zone" that I could stray out of. Not when it relates to race and religion, anyway.

    My extended family, there MIGHT be one or two people that could possibly maintain a less-than-ideal opinion about it, but I truly couldn't care less.

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  • Lmao I'd date whoever I want, I can give 2 fucks if my parents liked her (#^ ^#) + I don't care about their opinion in thee slightest

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  • My mother is a huge Islamaphobe, but I'd still date a Muslim woman.

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  • I'm a Latino/Hispanic dude. I grew up in Long Island New York where it's very segregated. You never see blacks and whites dating period unless you its manhattan where you see the occasional black and white couple once in a while. But for some reason I never saw white girls with Arabs or indian guys very rarely black same for black girls. But black girls use to make exceptions for latino guys and a lot of white girls dated Americanized hispanic guys and that was about as far from white as they went. I dated black and white and never had a problem. I would always get that look from many white fathers like "at least he's not black" look. My parents honestly wouldn't care who I dated and I would date whoever I wanted no matter what. It's funny because I use to have some white fathers admit to me that you have to raise your daughter a little racist so they don't bring home a black guy. I'm talking about old school Irish and Italians many are not fond of blacks or Muslims. But like I said I've seen a lot and even was almost spit on by a girls father I was dating mind you I'm tall with light skin and dark hair people always confuse me for italian and I sometimes hard a hard time dating white girls fathers. I couldn't even imagine being black dating a white girl. Date who you want fuck the world and please yourself. Love and Unity above everything

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  • I voted D), although technically it's more-so that my "comfort zone" is less broad than my family's. It's only worth picking the best of the best.

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  • My family never objected to dating anyone based on race or religion (with perhaps the Church of Satan being an exception to the religion aspect... though I confess I don't think I'd ever date someone who is a member of the Church of Satan).

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  • My parents aren't religious nor do they care about race or ethnicity so I have no problems there lol

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  • My parents are pretty racist when it comes to dating and religion. The fun part is that they hate that I'm a pagan and dating a Latino who's also pagan.

    Not a single fuck given when it comes to their prejudices.

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  • If my parents were that close minded I wouldn't even be speaking to them, luckily they're pretty open minded about almost anything. They're not even the same race themselves, don't share the same religious views either.

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    • Consider yourself fortunate. I have no idea how to tell mine who I fell in love with.

    • If you don't think they'll accept your partner and your right to choose who you want to be with, they're not worth telling.

  • no one in my family is going to dictate who i can and can't date lol. But thankfully, its not something im particularly worried about

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  • That would not be a problem in my family they are pretty open minded in a lot of things and are not religious so that won't be an issue either. Long as she is nice and makes me happy they are fine : )

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  • I dont give a shit what my family thinks, its my life! However i doubt i would end up dissapointing them anyways cuz i wouldn't even CONSIDER dating a non-christian girl who is anything but white or possibly Asian.

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  • B. I dates a witch. Didn't work out but was a fun story lol

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  • I've never had to worry about that because my parents just want me to be happy and they trust me to choose someone that's good for me.

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  • My parents are pretty chill about it except for my mom when it comes to black girls. I would be lying if I were to say they aren't attractive.

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  • I would not in conflict with my family. You know, our parents are always right, and our well-wishers. If they decline the one you are dating, it's for your own good.

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  • No because I was raised by them so what they don't like, I don't like either.

    Though they don't care about races and I wouldn't date any observing ________ either way.

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  • My parents wouldn't care.

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  • IM UNORTHODOX ANY WAY AND THATS WHATS EXPECTED OF ME. GOING AGAINST COMMON CONVENTION.. (E)

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  • Both A and D.

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  • My parents are too dead to disapprove of anything I do. Good riddens.

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  • I don't mind what religion they are but racially I would never date a black woman.

    I just don't find them attractive at all.
    I've seen a lot of posts on this site basically saying "why do white men always think they can get black women?" and basically goes on about how they never have a chance and I just die laughing because the majority of us 'white men' don't want your stupid black ass. The only reason most do is for sex and experimentation. You are just a toy. That's all.

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  • Me (15) and my big brother are dating 2 different girls, my parents doesn't know that we are dating. If they knew, they would probably tell us to leave them asap.

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  • My family is racist and are intolerant of religion in general, so they would never approve, but it's my life and I will date whoever I want to date.

    They tried to instill in me "stick with white girls" and well my experiences of white girls has been very negative. Out of all the races of women I have come into contact with white girls by in large have been the worst out of all races and such they are bottom of the pile in terms of my preferences.

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    • Expectation was to marry local, preferably white, the more Lutheran the better, and to never wish to live more than a convenient driving distance away from them.

      Pretty stifling, actually.

    • I don't like White girls and want nothing to do with them.

  • I do not care if they like my girlfriend or not. But if want me to leave her because they do not approve her, I will tell them "fuck off".

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  • What is this the stone age? It doesn't matter what your parents think.

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  • Your families are just looking out for you. Girls, just dont come home to your family when you are pregnant and alone and expect them to take care of you and your baby... Dont lay that on them because you are stupid.

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