Confused, I don't know what to do?

I recently just got my first boyfriend. It was rushed. First we talked on social media then at school and so on. A few weeks after he asked me out and well yeah. We've been together for about two weeks, but I have mixed emotions about him. I like him yet I don't. He just doesn't fit all my check boxes and I mean it's fine to sometimes not base everything off of this idea you've created of how your boyfriend should be and look. He used to date a lot of girls, and he goes pretty fast. In a week and a half he tried kissing me like five times. Considering the fact he'd be my first kiss and what not I always back off. I feel indifferent about the relationship and I feel like I don't know what to do. Help?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • The feelings you are experiencing are only going to grow worse with each waking day here, dear. You have openly admitted it 'Was rushed' and now, after 'About two weeks,' you Have------Mixed emotions about him. This is not healthy nor fair to either one of you. It's not considered a relationship where anything will go anywhere but down a bad beaten path and end up to be a War of the Roses... it's time to open your eyes.
    He is obviously not for you or you wouldn't be feeling like it's this train wreck just waiting to happen. Instead of being on Cloud Nine, you are going over things in your mind that make you not really want to be with him.. The mere mention of "I have a boyfriend" is the only thing that Is on your mind but it is going nowhere right now and probably won't in the future... bottom line is, he is not your type totally.
    Have a talk with him. Start being honest with him, honest with yourself. You need to tell him that you are not ready for this relationship and for now, you would just like to hang out, go out and take it slow until you know or even tell him... "No, I just want to be friends."
    Good luck. xx

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What Guys Said 17

  • First of all... it's good that you understand that the "check box" idea isn't the best.

    You hit it right on the nose. You're not feeling right around him. He has experience and he usually moves fast. These things don't jive with you. Well then? That's enough right there to just call it off. I mean honestly, you're pretty young anyway so why try moving so fast? Don't let yourself be peer pressured or anything.

    Have you talked to him about it? Try that first. But honestly it just sound like he's the player type and you fell for him just like all the other girls. You got to watch out for those guys.

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    • I agree with the entirety of what you said save the comment about the check boxes. If you're looking for a husband or wife, you shouldn't settle for less than everything you want. You deserve it all, and you're going to be happier if you have it.

      A lifetime is a long time to spend with someone you settled for.

    • @Behemoose

      I don't believe in the checkbox idea for the following reasons:

      1) It sets up expectations. A lot of people go around expecting and not ACCEPTING. By doing this you practically doom any relationship right from the start. Nobody is perfect, nobody will live up to those expectations and, assuredly, expectations may change with time... where does that leave you down the road? I don't believe in the transiency of serious relationships. I'm in it for the long haul.

      2) A check box mentality has the adverse effect of making people feel like they are worth more than they really are. Self confidence is not a bad thing, nor is self awareness... but in the worst case scenario you end up having Narcissists and sociopaths.

      3) There are also intangibles in play that aren't properly represented as a check box. How well does the other person do with kids or family? Are they capable of handling stress and sacrificing for the team?

    • Again, a lifetime is a long time to spend with someone you've settled for. If I'm not 'worth' as much as my expectations, I'll go it alone. I'm not going to settle for someone.

  • I agree with Nicholle. If he pushes too fast he might be flinging, which means he likes you but not really likes you. Hence the reason he's been with a lot of girls. He probably doesn't know what actual love is. If he keeps the pace steady it could mean otherwise. Is this guy open? Does he listen to what you have say generally? If he is, it doesn't hurt to explain what you're feeling right now.

    Also, ask yourself are you enjoying this. Considering this is your first experience. The choice is up to you. If it doesn't feel right maybe it's time you moved on and find some you fancy.

    From what you've said, it doesn't sound like this guy is your boyfriend. It just sounds like someone you are dating. In my head, a boyfriend is a guy who you've been with for a fair time and you both like each other and you have potential together. Who knows you might decide to keep him. Or dump him.

    I hoped this helped :)

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  • If he doesn't fit your check boxes, why be with him in the first place? Wait for the right guy and don't compromise on what you want. This is a life partner you're looking for, not a pair of socks. :)

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  • I agree with most of the sentiment on here, You should back off. You don't want to rush into anything that you're going to feel guilty or frustrated about down the line. The fact that you care about the who and the why in terms of a relationship, physical or otherwise is important. If you want to give it a try. Tell him how you feel, and if he gives you space then maybe something may develop, If not then he's not the right guy and you should move on. But getting to know someone first is important. Keep in mind though that a first kiss isn't really all that its cracked up to be, and may not be what you expected if you put a lot of pressure or emphasis on it being romantic or amazing. When your expectations are really high sometimes you can be disappointed. Best of luck.

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  • Is he aware of where you are coming from? Does he know thay he is your first boyfriend, that anything you might do with him is a first?

    As for check boxes. you really got to categorize those. By order of importance (not how strongly you feel about them, by order of how important they are objectively).

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  • This what I have to say to you, Don't invest more than you can afford to lose, you need to take things one step at a time. Don't put so much out there that you'll be emotionally bankrupt if things go south. and you can still move forward.

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    • If you want to be in a relationship, know that getting hurt comes with the territory. You just have to decide that you are durable enough, that you have enough confidence in yourself that you can handle it.
      . Life is not a success-only journey. You are going to get beat up along the way."

    • Very good advice.

    • There is a risk that this guy is a player, and being played is a horrible experience. This is what i would recommend, don't put everything on the line straight away. Because if the guy is a player, then she is at risk of being emotionally bankrupt from it. Be careful QA.

      If he doens't tick the boxes for you, then that's saying to me, your gut is telling you something is wrong about him. If I was you, I wouldn't touch him, and move on.

  • You backed off five times? Your heart is not into him. Just your mind. You want a BF and you are falling to a player.
    Its your first kiss. It should be something special.
    Your check boxes?
    What happened to me. I meet this girl i like, she likes me. We date.. And becouse we are two differant people i will get mad at her some times. OMG... even when i am mad at her, i want to be with her... This amased me. We are a very happy Husband and Wife now...

    I hope this helps..

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  • So what you are realising is that you went into a relatonship hoping for the best without loving the guy first. That is an essential step you missed. I think it is best to cut things off until you start loving him as a person or alternatively try to love him as a person so the relationship feels a lot more natural and cut him off if that fails.

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    • I reread that opinion and it sounds more harsh and brutal then it should be.
      With cut him of i mean take a step back, back to being friends until you are truly ready for a relationship with him.

  • Pay attention to those feelings. If you are indifferent about the relationship then just drop it. He's not the only boy in the world. There are millions of them in the US alone. Another person will come along that you are crazy about and you will be dying to kiss him.

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  • Take a step back first, are you feeling comfortable with him? You have to fully comfortable, mixed feelings is definitely not a way to go.
    Considering that amount of boldness and presistence, I can only conclude that this guy doesn't care about what are you feeling about him. He only cares for himself (If not, he should've stopped after the first try of kissing you). I think you better off without this kinda guy. As they usually will be either player or clingy in the future (in my experience).

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  • Never rush it. If he won't slow down for you then leave him. Our first are moments we never forget

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  • If he takes things fast you are more than able to slow him. Go at your own pace and figure things out sooner than later.

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  • Maybe you should take the submissive role in the relationship since this guy knows what he's doing. don't be the girl always searching for that perfect guy because you'll end up with no guy. since he's experienced learn from him.

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    • First time i cuss on this sight. You win dude.

      WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TELLING HER? Be submissive becouse he knows what he is doing?
      She is 18 and you know what boys want at that age. So you tell her to spred her legs for him? You are a ass..

  • That's the problem with relationships, you went in too fast. How about this, go out with him for 2 months. That's when you can acc see who he really is and how he really acts. If he's not your cup of tea then lay It down on him gently

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  • If it's the first, think with your mind not heart.

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  • If you didn't check all of the above, click next.

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  • I wonder if you fill all of his checkboxes.

    Another 'I'm just a little girl who is so confused' post.

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What Girls Said 18

  • Don't do anything you're not comfortable with. If he is willing to wait then he respects you and wants to be with you for a long time not just a fling. But if you are unsure about the relationship/him dump him and move on. The world is full of opportunities.

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  • First of all, I'm proud of you for backing off! It takes a lot of integrity to know that you don't always have to please a guy and you're not desperate :) and really, I know it sounds cliche but listen to your heart and what the rest of your body is telling you. If you're ready to kiss, you will have the good butterflies and you'll know it's time. If you're not, then you will also know it. I think maybe you should wait a little longer and continue listening to what your heart is telling you. Trust me, it works haha as sappy as it sounds haha :)
    Good luck!
    Peace
    Margaret

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  • Not every guy you date (especially the first) is going to check all those boxes. If he's going too fast for you then you NEED to say, hey I know you're experienced, but I'm not! Can we slow it down a bit? Communication is key to a healthy relationship.

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  • Relationships at your age should be more about learning, than doing.
    So the point is, to take things slow.
    Don't do anything you don't want to do.
    And respect all the guys.
    They will respect you if you don't play those stupid girly
    Look but don't touch games.
    Just be nice, learn, and have fun.
    :))

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  • One of the problems with being young and driven so much by hormones is we mistake chemical attraction for more than it is.

    You are young. Do you want to be a physicist? A chef? A secretary or CEO?

    Bet when you were five you knew you wanted to be a princess, and well OK we never quite give that one up, just go from being the generic princess to That Guy's Princess. Lol

    So try to think about dating now, like taking classes. Some great subjects have bad teachers and some horrible classes have great teachers. You job while you are in school is to find the class that is great for you and the teacher who is great for you.

    After college and any number of men later, you will be better at picking, and pulling the man you want.

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  • Be very careful. That shows disrespect & immaturity. He sounds like a heartbreaker to me.

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  • I'm in a similar situation. But what you want to do is let him know that things are going a little fast for you and you want things to go a little slower. Honestly it doesn't sound like he respects you a whole lot so you should just tell him how you feel and if he doesn't respect that then he's not worth it. If he truley liked you he'll understand and wait. Hope this was helpful and good luck :)

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  • Talk to him.
    tell him he is your first boyfriend and that your nervous about the speed that he is going because your not used to it.
    be sure you don't make it seem like it is his fault because it is nobodies fault it's just a miss communication issue that you need to talk out

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  • do what you feel like is right.

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  • Since your realationship is still new it's hard to say if you really like him or not. But if he tries to do something that your not into, tell him. If he continues to try, then cut him off you don't deserve someone to take advantage of you like that. Follow your heart and just take things slow.

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  • A kiss is just a kiss, if I were you, kiss him and see how you feel then. ( make sure his teeth are ok, been there done that😂😜)

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  • if you love him, you will never have doubt in your heart especially when he wants to kiss you.

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  • Do you get wet when he tries to kiss you?

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  • Ok obviously he's moving way too fast. Moving too fast in a relationship is a for sure way to end it. You don't seem comfortable about it. How old are you. ? How old is he. ?

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  • 2 years ago I was in the exact same situation, I was so inlove with the idea of a boyfriend that I ended up grabbing at the first chance I got. The day he asked me out, me and my friend were already planning our break up. Trust me hun, have your fun with this one but dont let yourself get hurt. The first relationship is the one that will clear up your idea of love. My advice to you is to get out of it as soon as you are willing. It doesn't seem like it will go any further; he simply wants a girlfriend for the sake of it.

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  • This is exactly what I went through with my first boyfriend. Take it slow... don't kiss him yet because that is only going to make you attatched and you still aren't sure if you like him. Take it slow and see how he is and how he acts. don't let him kiss you yet, if you don't know how you feel. Confusion is normal tho so don't think you are the only one. My boyfriend and I broke up because I realized I didn't like him, but I hope you figure out what you want.

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  • I see everyone here keeps telling you to move on because it has moved too fast for you, mixed emotions, he's just a player etc. I think you just need to do two things - firstly, next time he tries to make a move tell him the relationship is moving too quick and you just want a chance to get to know him but the pace is making you feel uncomfortable and not giving you a chance to get to know him. Next you have to work out how you feel about him - you say he doesn't tick all your boxes yet you still went out with him - why did u? If you reasons were that you genuinely like him and wanted to get to know him then maybe your mixed feelings are just because of the pace it has moved along. But you can get him slow down you might start seeing who he really is. Yes he could be a player, or he could just being moving at a pace he is comfortable with - you will find out if he respects your request to slow down.

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  • He hates you

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    • You're mean as freshly homemade applepie that you can't eat because you're on a diet but still you want to so bad and everyone in your family is teasing you to eat it.

    • If I want it I'll eat it... duh

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