Dating site users, what is your success rate of forming a long term relationship from the sites?

So I've been using dating sites for the past few years and have met over 20 women, but the problem is none of them have ever led to a relationship. Most I've gotten is a hookup or a fling that lasted 2 months and honestly it kinda scares me.

The only girl who likes me romantically, I don't really feel for. She's got a good personality but I'm not physically attracted to her at all. I know that sounds shallow and while I do know appearance isn't everything, you gotta be somewhat physically attractive. I wouldn't date someone just for the sake of dating or to be in a relationship. That'd be pretty desperate.

What usually happens though is I'll go on dates with girls and well hit it off and after the dates they'll be like, thanks for the drinks, dinner, etc, I had a great time and then usually after dates 2-4 I don't hear from them. I realize there's plenty of girls out there but the issue is they keep on flaking. I don't know if the issue is with me like I have some flaw I don't realize that's a huge turnoff, they're multi dating, etc. it scares me because it makes me feel like I'm incompetent of forming a relationship and it's like I'm hopping from girl to girl unintentionally.

Anyone else ever have this problem? The worst part is I get the same results and I don't know what my mistake is. Like the girls will flake without any warning sign.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I see a major flaw already.

    Your main mistake is that you're paying for everything. These women are taking you for a ride, get all the free food and drinks, then get bored and drop you.

    STOP PAYING FOR DATES.

    There is absolutely no need for you to take these women out and wine & dine them. Any woman that expects to be treated like some princess and have everything paid for her is not a woman you want to get into a relationship with.

    Your dates should be minimalistic: meet her at a cafe/coffee shop, buy her tea and a croissant TOPS if you must and spend that time getting to know her, rather than watching her order the most expensive food off the menu.

    Some women can be right bitches, using others for their money and guilt tripping men into believing they "have" to pay for EVERYTHING ALWAYS AND FOREVER. This is simply not true and you need to have a closer look at what sort of women you're going after.

    The second you close your wallet, your dating spectrum will greatly narrow down, but the likelihood of finding a decent woman will increase.

    And to add to this, I have found my boyfriend on a dating website and we've been together for almost 3 years ( anniversary 11 Feb :D ). He offered to meet up during the day and bought me a one pint of beer and we spent hours talking. How much was it, £2 - £3 maybe?
    It's all about the person. :p

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    • I don't pay for everything all the time though or buy them expensive things. The first date, I'll pay but on the 2nd or 3rd, they'll pay or well split.

    • That being said trying to find that balance between being a nice guy and a dick is very tough.

    • So they stay for the first date, but the second - third ones where you guys split the bill - the female splits.

      Very interesting.

What Girls Said 5

  • It's possible that it's because women tend to have a large pool of men to pick from on dating sites. I've never used a dating site or app but just reading things on here gives me the impression that women get way more messages than guys do. It's possible that they're going out with several guys consecutively and they don't bother breaking it off properly with the guys they don't want to continue seeing.

    Do you pay for all the dates? It could be that some of them are just trying to get a free meal or movie out of you. Which sucks big time. Maybe try taking the girl out on a simpler, cheaper first date so you can get to know each other without spending too much money.

    My younger brother has the same problem with online dating. My older brother, however, married a woman he met on Match several years ago.

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    • I think that's one of the possibilities that they might be multi dating and found someone they like better. I'd prefer not to multi date but I do it too, not because my goal is to get with as many women as possible but rather see who's the best fit because you never know how it will end up.

      I don't pay for all dates but I do for the first one at least. Should I stop doing that? I mean are people that shallow where if you pay for the first date, you're seen as a clingy pushover? Maybe that's not the right word but know what I'm saying?

      At least it's good to know I'm not the only one with this issue. Like it still sucks but that makes me look at it differently rather than all these girls flake because I'm undateable and have a lot of flaws.

    • It's unfortunate how those situations can take a toll on your self esteem.

  • a think it is really working. especially it is very usefull for people, who don't realy have enought time to date outdoors (like blind dating or so on) as for me. I'm also use such site. https://mymagicbrides.com/
    And i started using it, since my brother find there her wife. It's really working. and i hope, that i will find my soul mate, there like my cousin did. ohhh before my btother find there his wife, i was skeptical about it, but now... there is no doubt! it's working!!!

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  • I've been in dating sites for a few months, and know what you mean. You have to understand that is like blind dates, almost never lead to something else because there is no previous relation. Is different when you know each other for a while and realize that you feel attracted. I won't say you will never find someone in a dating site, but is quit difficult. Best lucks!

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    • Yeah it's tough. It's like they help but they don't, depending on what you're looking for if that makes any sense.

      Not to sound needy but what's really shitty is I'm 25 and have never had a relationship or what you'd call a gf. I'm not a virgin but it kinda feels that way with relationships if that makes any sense and POF has a section for what your longest relationship was and I lied because I think it'd be a turnoff or red flag. I think it'd give off two stigmas, either I'm a player who never wants anything serious or I'm just that bad with women. I don't go around advertising that I've never had a gf or at I've dated/hooked up with multiple women but the point is your longest relationship doesn't define you

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    • The fact of you not having a girlfriend in the past has nothing to do with being unable to be with a woman or being a player. Is just life. Never happens in the same to all of us.

    • Right I know it doesn't have anything to do with me not having a gf now, but some girls I met would ask about my longest/last relationship and I lied because at this age, saying I've never been in a relationship might raise red flags for whatever reason. I know we go through life differently but still saying that early on would be a turn off as opposed to them finding out later.

  • I've never had success on dating sites but one of my closest friends met her now husband online

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  • You said after dates 2-4 "i dont hear from them"... Why do you wait to initiate contact? Maybe that's the problem? Perhaps they don't think you are interested. I met my now husband online. We've been together for 3 years.

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    • Well that's the tricky part. You don't wanna show too much interest but not too little interest either. From my experience, I've found that initiating contact too much, which is subjective, pushes women away regardless of how interested they are. They think you're not a challenge which is a bullshit game if you ask me. It's even worse when they don't initiate contact at all. That's when it gets really tricky. It's like they're still agreeing to dates, but if it's just you initiating, it makes me feel like I'm clingy which I hate.

      Know what I mean?

What Guys Said 2

  • Same as you... a few dates or activities, longest 'relationships' are about two months. The rest either flake out and disappear or text me to say it's not working out, bye.

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    • I wonder if it's because were meeting these people off dating sites and the girls have their pick of the litter, more so than in real life.

    • That's one of the generally accepted theories, yes.

      Like you, I don't know you can end your last time together with big smiles and affection and then suddenly decide it's over.

    • Yeah I wish I had more opportunities to meet women naturally but it's tough when you're not in college anymore, working all the time, and bars are the only place to meet women which isn't the best place.

      It's not that I'm shy but it's more of not knowing what to say when I don't know what the girl is about if that makes any sense. When I know what to say, I have no problem.

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    • Have you met any people off of them?

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    • Yeah I've met a few crazy ones too. Yeah it definitely is a business. mi mean it helps you meet people with more common interests and ones you wouldn't have met otherwise but I think you put up with more bullshit than in real life dating.

    • Yup...

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