How do I date a feminist, despite the paradox that women reject sensitive (good listener) men?

I've learned the hard way, too many times, that I'm a nice guy.

I'm beginning to get it that women want a strong, decisive man. --even feminist women want this. Sorry folks for the generalizations. But this is the reality that I've experienced.

Problem is: a woman might say something that provokes concern, like how she's treated badly as a pretty woman. But if I express sensitivity, as a good, sincerely interested listener, I risk getting dumped as a nice guy.

Things that some women say about women's place in society. I'd want to ask her about how I could find more about feminist views of history. But I wouldn't want to set myself up for rejection as a "nice guy." Women, in my experience, want the tough man.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • If you view feminists and women as being sooo different and generalize them as all liking the same thing I think that's your problem right there. Stop thinking of people as categories and think of them as unique individual people who are not that different from you. I have rejected self proclaimed "nice guys" before and the reason was that they were not even nice! They would tell me repeatedly how nice they were but never prove it! In reality they were assholes and contrary to popular belief NO ONE wants an asshole, would you want to be treated like shit? no. Neither do women, we are all human we all want to be respected. There is a difference between actually being a kind person and only acting kind in order to get what you want so you have to be aware of that, other people can see right through it. My boyfriend is very sensitive and kind and really not all that manly at all, he's also a feminist. There are aspects of patriarchal society that are harmful to men as well as women such as the concept of masculinity. Men are made to feel inferior if they are not manly enough and if they show completely normal and natural human emotions they are made to feel ashamed! As a feminist I want equality and that means I have to defend men's issues and well as woman's issues and trans people's issues and everyone in between! Feminism isn't an us vrs them kind of movement it's more like the reality is women are at a disadvantage and we have to raise them up to equality along with other disadvantaged groups like transgender people, and if we can help fix some things for men along the way, why the heck not? haha My boyfriend got into feminism because his mom was abused by his biological dad and finding feminism helped him cope with those bad memories, he was actually the one who got me more into it!! The bottom line is no one rejects people for being too nice, but nice people get rejected if the other person just doesn't feel the same way. You can't force yourself to fall in love!

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What Girls Said 7

  • Well you have a lot of life experience at this point so you should have at least some strength and decisiveness in you by now. I can't speak for older women since I'm not there yet but if you're grouping us all into one catagory and then blaming that same generalization for your dating problems your issue is not you're too sensitive.

    Most women do want a guy that listens to them so I'm not sure where this too nice idea came from.

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  • Sorry, didn't read the description, just wanted to say a true feminist fights for equal rights. Equal meaning men and women not one over the other. Emma Watson is a good example do some research if the girl doesn't follow it, she is probably just trying to follow social standards and stuff.

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  • you dont. its a paradox.
    you see posts with 20,000 reblogs on tumblr that say one things, and when people are watching, everyone will collectively say another things, and say that they popular post that they reblogged is "not real feminists"

    to date a (3rd wave) feminist, you have to lie constantly, because their ideals are very changeable.

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  • I'd like a man who is both strong and kind. Good listener is a must.
    I think you sound great!

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  • you are not ready to date a feminist buddy lmao

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  • If you get dumped for being "sensitive" then you're better off without her. You need a relationship with someone you respect and who also respects you. Feminism has nothing to do with it, except she might put more weight on being respected as an equal than a non-feminist woman.

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  • First, educate yourself on the difference between an actual feminist, and a feminazi. "Real" feminists don't hate men at all, they hate gender stereotypes, and only wish for true equality. Feminazis hate men, in general, and feel that men should worship them as the superior species. Yeah, they think men are another species! LMAO

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    • real feminists hate men (all of em, individually) libfem/funfems are the ones who want "equality" and hate "gender stereotypes"

    • http://youtu.be/EJPT_U97lNs
      You need to educate yourself too. You're describing a "feminazi", the extremists that have been spotlighted by the media to blur the true agenda of real feminism.

What Guys Said 1

  • be an ass with her, hate coincides with love, she will love to hate you and hate to love you,
    every woman wants a MAN whether they realize it or not
    Be kind, be caring, but before that be a man, be kind when it counts be caring when it counts, but 95% of the time you gotta grab hold of the boys down stairs

    Tel her you agree with equality not modern feminism which seeks for female domination
    Tell her you treat woman with respect as long as they reciprocate it, but dont ask her about feminism, feminism is the least sexy thing on the planet, its a total boner killer for ladies and men

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    • you were the guy who thinks modern music sucks werent u

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    • yes, that is exactly what it does. Isn't it marvelous :) as marvelous as modern day music! You see, I am already bringing you up to the modern world.

    • yep yep yep!
      just as this modern (mainstream) music seeks to destroy the minds of all Americans, so days modern feminism!
      thanks for or all your helpful insight its great to see an aware woman

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