Is he being honest or using me?

I been crying for a guy I been seeing for a bit over a month, just started to know him. I've almost bad experience with the dozens of guys I've gone out with. I naturally keep my guard up cuz of my horrible experiences but I still get hurt especially if I like them. This guy is funny & nice, but I have a hard time believing him when he says he likes me. I know he has his own place, so I'm the one to drive out to see him everytime. We haven't gone out on a public date. We go to the market or pick up food which he offers to pay for, I go all the way out there to LA for 35 min without traffic. We eat, watch movies. Yes, we have been intimate a few times & I like him but Im suspicious cuz of my experience. He hasn't taken me out on a public date, he has not driven out to see me even though he said he will & says he really wants to take me out. Once I invited him out with my friends when his car was broken, & he didn't come. When he got his car back, he didn't take me out. I'm not asking to spend money, cuz we can go out for free too. Why can't he drive to see me like he said? Twice he said he made plans, but didn't go through with them. He mentions about meeting my family and me meeting his mother. I really like him, but he gets jealous. I kept my guard up this wk & have not gone to his place. I left txts saying how I feel he's using me even tho he says he wants to go out with me & how he's all talk, I don't believe him,& I'm not driving there this weekend. He calls & txts everyday to talk. He says he really likes me, calls multiple times every day, says he wants to go out with me, eventually meet my family, and does get jealous when I go to a bar, but how do I know he truly likes me?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think if he doesn't put any effort into seeing you then he's not that into you. Also why would you want to be with a guy who gets jealous easily? I can tell you that this is usually a good indication he will be a very controlling person. I think you both have issues and it's not likely to result in a happy relationship. You need to learn to get over the past hurts and find things (other than guys) that make you fulfilled and happy. Once you are a happy person then you will have the confidence to pick the right guy and have a great relationship.

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What Guys Said 13

  • I would say that he probably does like you, but from a psychology standpoint, this looks like he isn't putting in much effort because you are doing all of the work, and are acting like putty in his hands. I would also say that your level of suspicion may or may not be unwarranted, but coming from someone who has dated highly suspicious women, it is probably leaking out without your notice, and a lack of trust can and will destroy everything you're wanting to build. Take a step back and analyze all of the data. Look for behavioral patterns and speech patterns in certain situations, and from there you will have a better angle to size him up and make a more educated guess.

    As far as dealing with his overly-relaxed approach, play the waiting game and see if he will come to you. Next time he asks you to come over, make up an excuse as to why you can't that will leave you room to turn the tables and invite him over. I would say, though, that he is non-committal, and that doesn't bode well in the long run.

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  • Excuses is all I can here from him. If I really liked a girl I would take a bus, ride a bike or run a marathon if that meant being able to see her that day. This guy seems to somewhat like you but doesn't seem interested enough to put forth any effort since you do all the work. Tell his lazy a** he needs to get it in gear or else you're moving on.

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  • So I met this girl on Tinder in late-2014, she was this really attractive girl with the most amazing kissable lips and long model legs. She was about 5'10" and physically attractive.

    We plan to go to dinner after her Sunday volunteering that is next to her aquarium, but it took me 30 minutes to drive to...

    At dinner she wouldn't talk and she wouldn't eat her food. I, on the other, hand felt like I talked too much, and devoured my plate of Pasta as clean as a baby at it's baptism. She tells me that she doesn't like to talk and she takes her food in a to-go box. I talk to her about my relationship with God and she says not to shove religion down her throat.

    I walk her to her car and when w get home we keep talking via through text and I tell her that I prefer talking on the phone so I call her and talk to her but after 10 minutes she says she has to go. I felt like she was just looking for excuses to leave.

    The point of the story is, I ended up letting her go. I felt like I was putting in 100% effort and she wasn't doing shit. Maybe she just wasn't into me or maybe she wasn't even emotionally available and was just looking for some hot sex via Tinder.

    But...

    When you're the one putting in all the effort and doing all the work and they are not reciprocating is when you know that you need to let go and let God give you someone who appreciates you.

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  • You know he likes you if he drives himself to see you and take you out. Driving should be split evenly. Actions speak louder than words.

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  • If he really likes you, he would put in efforts to see you. His excuses are repeated. Please answer his call and when he asks you out, go with him and talk to him. See how he explains himself. Then evaluate him and take a decision. Cut this short, and clear the air with me. How is it gonna be?

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  • I say inocent in tell proven guilty , I mean if he picks up that you don't trust him why should he trust you? Then you have nothing.
    Like riding a horse, just cuz one bucked you off don't mean they all will.
    You owe it to him as much as your self to just relax and go with the flow :) i hope this helps

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  • Try going silent on him for a while afew hours dnt reply texts and calls, dnt tell him you are testing him and cme up with a good excuse to y u ignored him, see how he reacts, if he gets worried or concerned then he really does care, if he doesn't bother then u got to be abit cautious and watch ur steps.

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  • If he wants you he will come to you.

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  • After eating 100 mice cat starts her holy journey

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  • I Think You're So Use To Bad Guys, That When A Man Who Really Likes You, Who Wants To Love You And Spend Time With You, Your Automatic Defense From Previous Guys Goes Up.
    You Need To Trust This Guy Until He Gives You Reason Not To, But Keep In Mind Even Good Guys Make Mistakes, And Sometimes Say The Wrong Thing With Good Intentions.
    Loosen Up And Give Him. A Chance, He Could Be The Best Thing That Has Ever Happened To You!

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  • The only time a girl should be crying... is from a great orgasm

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  • If you've had bad experiences with "dozens" of guys that you've gone out with, at age 24 already, you may want to honestly and seriously re-evaluate the criteria by which you choose men, and ask yourself why you keep choosing bad ones (e. g. be it low self esteem or whatever). You need to set yourself standards, find a good man.

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  • just wait for him to ask you out, dont bother going to his or anything

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What Girls Said 14

  • I think he is using you the fact that he has never taken you out in public is sketchy. Have you asked him about a public date? If you haven't, ask him about it. Also I find it a little ridiculous that he hasn't driven out to see you yet.

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  • If he really likes you, he won't wait until you get angry at him and then be good to you.. He'll keep his promises from long ago and not give you false hopes.. Me myself don't think that he won't repeat his mistake if you give him a chance..

    Or maybe it's a good idea to give him a chance and see if he really likes you or not.. If he really likes you then he won't repeat his mistake and try to be a better person for you.. If he doesn't, then the answer is clear..

    It's up to you to give him a chance or not..

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  • If a guy is serious with the girl, he would have date her especially when both of you have already communicated various times, it is not like some random strangers on the street.

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  • I like hanging out at my bfs apartment way better than going out. We're not sexually active.

    Some people just like the intimacy.

    If you want to go out, ask him out on a date. I say ask him , bc it's something he'll have to respond to. As apposed to you saying I want you to take me out, which he can do it or not do it whenever. You asking directly, saves you that extra confusion. It gets to the point.

    If you don't tell him you want to go out he can't be responsible for not knowing.

    Don't ignore him or play games. You don't want to be with someone who only responds to games , so even if he came to you it wouldn't mean anything.

    You also don't want to be that kind of person bc you'll attract those kinds if people.

    Continue to be a good version if yourself and communicate clearly. That's the only way to know if someone is interested or not or just unaware.

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  • Been there. Say to him that the next time you see each other will be somewhere public (bar, restaurant) and during the day. If he said that to you, you would come, right? Cause you like him more than sex. He is comfortable and knows you'll come to him and he'll get what he wants anyway. Just a little sweet talk. Ohhhhh, soooo been there girl. If he comes, grait. Then demand at least one public date after 2 times having sex (maybe not strictly like that but you know what I mean). If you just want a selfish fuck buddy who doesn't even want to come to your town, then go for it girl. Fuck him.

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  • This sounds like my cousins ex. He had his own place so she was always the one to drive to his house. They never went out anywhere except to the nearby supermarket. He told her he liked her, wanted to do things etc. but always had an excuse. Turned out all he wanted was sex. I suggest you tell him that your relationship doesn't seem to be going where you want it to and that you respect that he might not want the same things as you do but that you need to move on and find someone else who does. Breakup with him. More likely than not he'll try to convince you to take him back but don't unless he proves he's serious about you.

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  • I agree your have the best gift that I wish you had gotten without being hurt, don't got the guys house, and guys will be natuarly jealous, but no clingy if he gets to clingy it's over, and you guys should be having more public dates... It will help you not to get hurt again hope it helped

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  • I feel he is using you because if he REALLY liked you, he would at least try a little bit harder to see you. Clearly you're the one doing all the work while he's just sitting there. Tell him that if you really meant anything to him, he would put in some effort to actually come see you for once instead of you seeing him.

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  • I think he doesn't have the need to ask you out because he feels comfortable while you come to his place. I mean, he can do so much more while you are at his place than bother to walk to the movies for example. I don't think he doesn't like you enough, it's just much more comfortable and he thinks you're ok with it.

    I think you need to show him that you want a real date. You can do that by asking him to take a walk with you in the town for example.

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  • When a guy wants to see you he will do what he has to do. I agree. Go silent on him, if that doesn't result in a date, him driving to you or anything else you want. Dip! He's using you fair and square. He doesn't have to work for you, so you won't be his girl.

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  • Just lay off of him for awhile... and if you have gone through this several times before then maybe you should pause in the dating scene... if you are picking the same type of men everytime then its you not them. Take time out to get to know you and then look for someone.

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  • I dated a guy like that. He won't go on dates except to his house. I found out that he wasn't that into me and dumped him shortly after.

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  • I think your right to keep your guard up. Let him come to you too and if he can't find a local new guy

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  • So you're with this fucking loser BECAUSE? >? ? ? ? ? ?

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