What changed? I'm feeling really down on myself?

:(Me and this guy met in Nov. We were going on dates, and we had sex. He just he got out of a 7 year relationship a month before. In the beginning he even said "but I'd like to be with you aside from the sex is what you fail to realize" He even said it would be nice to have a girlfriend but he is looking for someone to settle down with. He texted me every day, told me he likes me a lot. We would hang out without having sex. He talked about meeting parents and maybe taking me to his best friend's wedding in May. He always holds my hand. When I was studying at Starbucks one night he came out to see me, no sex. one day he was acting distant and I went crazy texting him 50 times. he told me he was done. we went a week without talking and then we grabbed lunch 2 weeks ago. he paid, and we didn't have sex. The next day I invited him to my new years eve party, and he declined. he then told me he's not looking for a relationship. I asked him if there were feelings and he said "I did have feelings" and he said "Idk what I want and I dont want to lead you on." Then I asked if this was my fault and he said "it definitely isn't you" Then we ended up talking about meeting up to have sex and hang out. Before we met up he seemed hesitant and told me that he doesn’t want me throwing this in his face that all he wanted from me was sex. He also told me he doesn’t want me thinking this is anything more than what it is. We ended up meeting up to have sex and then we went to lunch. During lunch he said “you’re the best." Last week I asked him if he wanted to meet up to have sex and he said "can't have class" then I said "when can you" he said "idk shay in class can't talk" then I asked if he still wanted to have sex in general, and he didn't answer. Hours later I apologized for asking and he said "it's ok babe." it's been 3 weeks, haven't heard from him.

1. Was I just sex to him or did he actually have feelings for me?
2. If he did have feelings for me, what changed? Did I mess up?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Being in a relationship for 7 years this guy probably thought he was going to marry this girl so right now he's probably just going through some stuff so I believe him when he said "It's definitely not you." because if it was he probably wouldn't have tried so hard to convince you it wasn't and tell you that you were great and stuff like that. For if he was in it for sex, if he was he wouldn't have turned down the hookups here and there I feel like he's thinking he may want to come back for you so he wants to keep you an option and not think he was just in it for sex like I said right now he's dealing with a lot he broke up with the girl he thought was the love of his life he wanted something but he realized he wasn't ready yet he may comeback if he doesn't it wasn't meant to be :)


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What Guys Said 1

  • That's really tough. If he was in a relationship with a girl for that long there is a strong chance it has caused (at least) some confusion for him. He might also feel pressure from you... causing him to back off. If you want him around you should probably find a way to let the pressure go.

    It's hard to determine if you were just sex at this point. My guess is no based on you saying that you were voluntarily together at times without sex, after you had already had sex the first time.


What Girls Said 1

  • I feel like he was kinda having feelings for you, but he was unsure (obvious he still have a lot of things on his head, everything is very turbulent, so maybe he thought he is not yet ready for a new relationship. probably he still didn't forget his ex-girlfriend too).
    He definitely respects you, likes you as a person and has consideration for you. That's why he didn't give you hopes, he don't want to hurt you. And that's great thing from him :')