I had a good first date that included that included sleeping in her bed, but now she won't talk to me. Did I do or not do something right?

[Anonymous]

Hi All, I'll tell you the story in hind sight.

A girl I met over a year ago and we've been friends since then but not close friends. I didn't know this at the time, but she had just dumped her boyfriend, because he cheated on her. She gives me a text and says "wanna hang out some time?" So I call her (that's the manly thing to do) and make it a date for the next Friday .

So we go out to 1 restaurants and 3 bars that night, and we are out for 5-6 hours. She had a lot of fun and was smiling the whole time. She said that she hadn't been out in a long time. I knew, because her boyfriend didn't take her on dates hardly. So I made sure she had a lot of fun.

It's 1:30 AM, and I live 25 miles away. She invites me to stay the night, and I do. And we kiss and cuddle in her bed and go to sleep. She's rolling around, and I just hold her close, because I think she just rolls around in her sleep. No sex; It is a first date after all. We wake up and talk at her place until 1:30 in the afternoon and I have to go, so I kiss her goodbye.

I see her on Sunday again and watch a movie at her sister's house, because her sister lives close to me. I make another date the next Saturday and kiss her goodnight.

During that mid-week I called her 3 times and only once a day. But she only answers once. We talk for about 10 minutes and she has to go. We still go out Saturday, and we are out for about 4 hours at a restaurant, bar, and casino. She had fun and told me. I kiss her good night at midnight and she has to go.

This week I tried to call her so I can ask her out again. She won't answer or return my calls. She will not contact me.

I thought I would be a nice guy and show her a good time on our 2 dates, and she told me I did. My question is: Would you girls on this site do the same thing? Would you want to talk to me if I called? And would you want a 3rd date? Would you cut me off like I was treated by this girl in my story? Did I screw up by not having sex at her place?

Updates

+1 y

To shadowlegend - She does have trust issues. She told me that she dated a lot of s**ty guys in the past. And she just got rid of another one. I hate how I'm suddenly blamed for all those other guys' mistreatment. I'm not sure if I can do anything about it.

[spuitkaas]

I actually think she's not ready to commit yet. She might have called you up because that's sometimes what girls do after a break-up. They want some love. That's called "the rebound boyfriend". At this moment, she's probably confused about everything, because I think she did like you, but maybe not sure to be in a relationship. I think you should just wait it out for a second and then contact her again.

[Asker]

I'll give it a try and wait a few weeks.

[shadowlegend]

She obviously felt close to you and was developing feelings for you but she has trust issues and didn't want to get serious. She freaked out and backed off, it happens.

[Asker]

Is there anyway I could get her to relax about it? Because I'm not a bad guy like she knows too many of. I thought I was doing my best to let her know I'm not one of those bad guys.

[shadowlegend]

There's nothing you can do, it's her issue. You can be the nicest guy in the world but it won't matter because she has trust issues and she was deeply hurt so she won't want to risk it again for awhile.

[Asker]

You think it's possible to have a chance in time? Maybe a month or a few?

[shadowlegend]

You can't expect her to deal with her issues in a month or two, until she does deal with them then none of her relationships will work out.

[Asker]

Wow that's insightful! She's 32, and I'm 31. If she ever was going to deal with them and get past them, she probably would have by her age.

[shadowlegend]

Not if she was just recently hurt and developed trust issues.

[Asker]

Thanks for sharing!

[Asker]

Hi Shadow Legend. So I'm moving on from this girl, but she's giving me mixed signals. I saw her at a bar this weekend, and we were out with separate groups. By chance we ended up at the same place, because it's one of our favorites. When she saw me, she walked right up to me with open arms to give me a hug. We took a phone picture together and she said "we look cute together!" Her eyes were wide open, and she was happy to see me. So I talked to her some and let her join her other friends. But she still won't talk to me on the phone, and I gave up calling or pursuing.

Can you guess what is going on in her head? I know she clearly likes being around me and talking to me. I'm still nice to her, because I'm just not an ass.

[shadowlegend]

If you saw her at a bar then she had probably been drinking and her inhibitions were down, so she just had a good time with you. But if she isn't responding to you then she isn't interested.

[Asker]

Thanks! It's just mind blowing how we can go from all smiles and more for hours on 2 dates then fall off a cliff.

[Hanarchy]

In answer to your question... no. I don't think it's nice to lead a sweet guy on and then cut off communication just like that. She should have been honest about what she wanted whether it be sex, an actual relationship, or just for someone to be nice to her.

Not calling someone back is cowardly. I do not approve.

[Asker]

That is cowardly. Unfortunately for me, she's not the only girl to just suddenly stop answering her phone. It happens to me too much, and I wonder if it's me, because it's all to familiar. She did say she feels that she can strongly pick herself up after another guy mistreated her. But no way did I do such a thing. And she treats me like the rest. It seems this time the mistreatment roles got reversed.