Guys- do intelligent and successful women scare you?

Several of my guy friends have discussed how they would never date a woman that was more intelligent and successful than them because it would make them feel emasculated. They said they want to be the ones to "wear the pants in the relationship". Some have even said they prefer a woman who is not intelligent. What is your take on this? Do intelligent and successful women really scare you?

  • Yes, they scare me
    8% (1)9% (3)9% (4)Vote
  • No, they don't scare me
    17% (2)82% (27)64% (29)Vote
  • I'm a woman who wants to see the results
    75% (9)3% (1)22% (10)Vote
  • They can sometimes scare/intimidate me
    0% (0)6% (2)5% (2)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
For those that are interested or don't believe this is an actual issue being discussed by various sources, here is just one article I read concerning this topic. While I realize it is opinion, it does draw information in the argument and does a good job highlighting the basic issue I'm trying to get at: elitedaily.com/.../

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It can depend in a lot ways. Before I begin explaining, I am not intelligent (if you are taking in education level [bachelor's/master's/phd] into account) and don't consider myself successful due to my near minimum wage job that I'm happy to work in. Personally, I would be scared if your success and intelligence is used against me because of my social economic status in arguments or major decision-making. I appreciate and praise the fact that you are able to be successful and intelligent through various reasons. Though I am not as successful because of my limited opportunities and how I was raised, if I were somehow able to end up marrying an intelligent and successful woman, I don't plan on living lavishly on my spouse's money and become lazy, "lucky" guy. It may be hard to believe what I am saying but it's what I stand by. I'm just a heavy thinker, yet shy.

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    • Even though I don't know you, your response makes it sound like you are a very genuine and authentic individual.

      Some of the most ignorant individuals I've met have been ones with multiple degrees-- so I definitely don't believe intelligence is measured solely by education level. Rather, I believe thinking outside of the box, being able to critically think and still be able to use free thought when needed, insight, and perceptiveness are all elements that really measure intelligence.

What Guys Said 25

  • This is the *myth-of-the-month*
    No, how on earth we'd ditch intelligent girls and choose dumb girls?
    Intelligence is crucial factor in attraction. An intelligent girl knows how to keep his companion happy.
    Going to successful, I disagree again. Success is an instant turn-on for almost anything in this world.

    I think you were confused between
    Intelligence and High education/qualification
    Success and Superiority.

    Success can lead a person towards superiority complex and if a girl is very highly educated as compared to me then it might lead me towards inferiority complex.
    But a person has balanced mind with self-confidence, he'll never refuse to accept such woman.
    So, it solely depends upon the mental situation of the person and his insecurities.
    For me, I don't have such issues.
    Hope it helped :-)

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  • Don't need to feel like I'm better, smarter, more successful than a girl to be able to date or be with her. In fact, I wouldn't want an unintelligent woman. Prefer one who is close to my level or higher.

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  • The professional world can get very competitive. Another professional woman is just another competitor, and has to be treated as such.

    She is neither "above" or "below" on the intimidation scale, she just poses the same kind of threats as our male associates pose.

    Sometimes it is harder to view her feminine side, or see her in an attractive lighting.

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    • Your response is immensely interesting and correlates with what several men in the corporate world have also told me. They see women that they work with as competitors and have a hard time seeing them as women. I also find it interesting how you indirectly associated competitive with masculinity and the lack thereof with femininity and the role that has on attraction.

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    • @lanternhill
      Of course. I refer specifically to her physical beauty, the presence of lady organs, and so on. The softness of the skin caused by the estrogen in her body. This is her feminity. What do you think I meant, that she stayed in a kitchen? haha.

      I say it in my original answer also, ", or her attractiveness."
      The original answer says most of it. You're just not going to observe and enjoy those aspects of a woman if she is a rival. But if she worked at a different company and wasn't a rival, then I don't think its an issue. No guys have anything against the professional woman mingling about in society these days, its just when she is a competitor then you can't see her as a love interest. Its a conflict of interest, right?

    • @lanternhill
      But whether out mingling in society or directly competing at the same place, she is still obligated, just like any man is, to have basic social skills. A guy isn't going to be interested in an egomaniac just like a girl isn't going to be interested in one either. If they can't grapple with the same moral trappings a professional life offers, then they are just as detestable.

      Can't you see its not about gender? As it turns out, guys and girls just don't like jerks, and a lot of professional people can be jerks. They've worked hard, they learned a lot, and they got some things to toot their horn about. But nobody likes a horn tooter, that's just life.

  • Being intelligent won't scare me a bit, and will make her more attractive to me.
    I can see how being successful could be intimidating. But if I'm into a girl I'll be in a cooperative mindset, not competitive, so I wouldn't let it be in our way.
    I would be proud of her.

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    • I love your mentality! I especially like the point you almost inadvertently made about cooperation verses competition. Its interesting because the latter can sometimes be a major reason for the dissolution of some relationships between a "successful" man and woman.

  • Nope those type of women don't scare me! A woman with brains is always an asset, as long as she doesn't lose her feminine charm or get unnecessarily competitive. :)

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    • Interesting. How would you describe the feminine charm?

    • Hard to describe... pretty much being able to remain a woman at her core in the classical feminine way with her mannerisms.

    • The reason I ask is because society normally attributes competitiveness with masculinity. Society also attributes qualities such as ambitious, assertive, and goal-oriented to men-- all qualities that a sundry of successful individuals possess, both men and women.

      While you sound like you admire a woman with brains or intelligence, the stipulation you put in your response indirectly tells me you do not feel the same way about successful women. Your description of the feminine charm only fortifies that point. "... being able to remain a woman at her core in the classical feminine way with her mannerisms". Being able to remain a woman at her core? Classical feminine way? 'Her' mannerisms? Your response is very vague, but the part that sticks out the most to me is the last bit. Mannerisms differ person to person- but you seem to associate certain ones with all women.

      I apologize if it seems I am dissecting your responses, but I am honestly curious to hear more about your perspective.

  • Intelligent women, no problem. But I'm not sure exactly what you mean when you say "successful."

    Intelligence and education are different things. I think women put too much emphasis on education and they project their attraction to it onto others. When a women makes a point of how educated she is, that's just lame. Intelligence is nice, but in terms of education I couldn't care less about how many degrees you have. Regardless of how educated I am, you'll just look like you're trying to show your superiority and value: You'll just look stuck-up, and that's a turn-off.

    Looking stuck-up and exuding that air of superiority (especially when talking about not-so-educated women) is what's unattractive.

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    • i would agree with the intelligence vs education, textbook knowledge is dull, intelligence is interesting

  • Those guys sound a tad insecure. I'd be fine with a woman more "successful" than myself. I like to learn from people, so maybe I could learn from her

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    • That's a great mentality to have! I completely agree. If two people are attracted to each other and connect well on a sundry of different levels, I don't understand why some label like "success" should intimidate one from being with the other.

  • Most of my friends feel that way.. I prefer intelligent girls, at the least they must be a quick witted conversationalist :D

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    • Ha, I love fast-paced witty banter as well! x)

  • Don't give a fuck about success and a girl more intelligent than me is my ideal, so no.

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  • No. In fact, I've never heard any man say that.

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    • That's interesting. I do however think you should talk to some of your female friends and see if any of your mutual guy friends have ever said otherwise to them. From what I understand, and correct me if I am wrong, men usually discuss different topics with their guy friends than they do with their chic friends. I know this is the case for my group of friends but that is much too small a sample size to draw any solid conclusions from.

    • I've also never heard any man say that.

      I have heard one or two women say that men feel that way. One girl I knew used to often say women were scared by her 'intelligence' ... but reality was she had a really abrasive, bullying personality.

    • To be fair, most my friends are in the top percentile intelligence-wise, so maybe less intelligent guys might be intimidated. I've just never heard a guy say that.

  • I'm all about it, so much that I'm hoping the poster messages me on the chance she's intelligent and successful herself.

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    • Ha, I'll definitely message you and let you determine that for yourself! :)

    • thanks, please do ASAP.
      I just drank a lot of coffee to finish a research paper last minute s d now I'm not sleeping any time soon lol

  • Scared? Not exactly. I like intelligent women. Dumb women are a huge turn off. But a lot of women expect their men to be more successful and intelligent than they are. You always have a thought in the back of your head about whether she's going to look for someone else who is more intelligent and successful than you.

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  • ahhh i poop my pants everytime i see such a woman :-((((((

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    • I didn't realize all successful and intelligent women had a certain look? :P

  • No, they don't scare me, I celebrate them actually unless they are too full of themselves.

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  • No, but to be honest, I can't know, as I have yet to meet a woman who's physically attractive and more intelligent than me.

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  • only, if she expects me to be even more intelligent and successfull (which is what all women do).

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    • Not ALL women expect that. Jesus Christ the generalizations on this website are infuriating.

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    • @The_Eternal_Emperor: Thank you. Exactly what I wanted to say to him.

    • Should be clear that I didn't literally mean all but most of them. show me one clever woman who likes dumb dudes. Most people seek partners of comparable intelligence and women especially tend to want a "superior" partner.

  • They give me a hard on.

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  • How about we blame insecurity instead of men?

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  • yes.. but if she's helpful and understanding it makes us value the friend ship..

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    • Just to clarify: they do scare you. However, if they are sweet and understanding, that isn't the case. Correct?

  • No... i just admire them which means they are outta my league! :)

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  • I am attracted to and love these kinds of women.

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    • And those kinds of women love supportive men like you! :)

    • I am a leader, but I do love strong women because it inspires me to want to continue to be better and learn more.

  • I want to marry a successful and intelligent woman!

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  • No, not at all. We dislike women with poor attitudes and unpleasant personalities, which is what a lot of career women develop. "Intimidation" and other such nonsense is a myth women believe in to avoid looking at themselves and having to change their undesirable qualities.

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    • Hmm, interesting. If you get the chance, you should definitely check out the article I posted in the "question updates" above. I would like to know your thoughts on it.

    • Read the article. It's a load of BS. Here's a link to a GaG question like yours
      www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1321866-can-women-really-have-it-all

      The MHO is good. Wasn't my response, but there's a lot to it. Read my response too, it starts with "Another article blaming men for women's problems" (kind of like the one you linked).

      I'd add that it's women who are obsessed with power dynamics and their status in a relationship, men don't give a fuck, unless the woman starts belittling him--which happens all the time with "successful" and "intelligent" women.

      If you insist, I'll break down why the article you linked is hogwash, but read the link I gave you first.

  • I think scare is the wrong word.
    no man ever admits to being scared.

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    • Hmm good point.. Perhaps I should have framed the question differently.

  • I have a hard time believing your story about what your guy friends said. I don't hear men say those things, only women. And it's usually an attempt by those women to explain why they have bad luck with men.

    What I do hear men say is that women who label themselves as "intelligent and successful" often have an attitude toward men, and a manner of interacting with men, that is distasteful, and that is what turns them off to those women.

    Also, women who are career driven and success hungry are not necessarily what many men are looking for. Those qualities are things women look for in men more than men look for in women, at least the type of men most women are interested in. Most men are naturally attracted to women who are kind, loving and nurturing, not high power providers.

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    • I promise I'm not making this up, but you definitely bring up some good points. Gender roles and society's perception for what a man and woman should be like definitely play a key role in this. I do however disagree on your point about this being "an attempt by women to explain why they have bad luck with men". Yes, there are some women who will. They are usually the ones who have a hard time holding a conversation and/or may not be the most attractive by society's standards, but the ones I am talking about are successful women in their late twenties who are unable to find a guy that is supportive of their success. As a matter of fact there have been multiple studies on this. I encourage you to look it up. Studies show women are happy when their men come across success or move up the ladder. Those same studies show the opposite results when it comes to the roles being reversed. I could keep going, but all I will say is that this is in fact a reality.

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    • So it's not that men don't support the success of women; they are simply not attracted to the kind of women who are driven to career success above family and relationship, just like women are not generally drawn to men whose ambitions are to be stay-at-home dads. There’s nothing wrong with either, but they simply don’t arouse the desires of the opposite gender.

      So those studies are not wrong about how men feel about ambitious women, but they entirely miss the boat regarding why.

      Suggesting that men are scared of or intimidated by successful women distracts from the true nature of the situation.

    • What about a woman who is feminine but also high achieving and educated and various other things said here (and attractive and has social skills), thank God? Would that be intimidating do you think? Just trying to figure out where lines might be drawn.

What Girls Said 1

  • Personally I like intellectual women as friends if that contributes to the conversation any! Lol

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