Girls, if you were in a casual dating scenario with someone, how would you feel if they wanted it to be exclusive at the very least?

Casual dating in my situation at least, is we like each other and we do go on dates and hang out and such, but due to us moving separate ways in sept. we don't want to get to involved. I just don't like to date multiple people at the same time, and I would like her to do the same. Would you agree with the guy if he asked you to do this in this scenario?

Any input is much appreciated!


0|0
37|1

Most Helpful Girl

  • just to be clear - you want to be exclusive with her until September when you end things? Or do you expect her to be exclusive when you're apart as well?

    Honestly, this totally depends on the person and the situation. By being exclusive, you're essentially going to be in a relationship for 8 months. Which is fine, but if I really cared about someone that much, after dating for 8 months I would want to try out a long distance relationship.
    You "don't want to get too involved," so being exclusive seems counter-productive to that. If you don't want to get too involved, you wouldn't put labels on the relationship and leave it open. It doesn't mean you're both necessarily going to go out with 20 different people over the next few months, but you're leaving it open.

    There's nothing wrong with asking if she wants to be exclusive. If you really want a committed relationship, then yes you should ask her. But saying "we don't want to get too involved" sounds like you don't want a commited relationship. In which case you should just leave it open and let her see other people if that''s her choice

    3|0
    0|0
    • You are right on the first part, but I only expect us to be exclusive while we are both together actively seeing each other, Once we must part ways (which will be transcontinental with a minimum of 5 years long distance) She can go on doing what she wants, I would never make those kinds of claims over a girl.

      You have the second part right too, pretty much just a mini-relationship I think is the goal. And I do like her, and recently I have found she likes me more than she initially let on (hence why in the question I was hesitant to escalate things too much).

      Its just bad timing, and stupid that we found each other at such bad times for both of us. And I'm not saying I would not reconsider after knowing her for that long for a long distance thing, but it would still be very stupid. So many people on here think I am trying to just use her, but she is moving at the same time as well and starting more university somewhere new, so I guess in my head it was a mutual thing...

    • Okay, really this is something you need to talk about with her. But just know that if you're going to be exclusive, then the realtionship is not "casual." It's either a full relationship (only with an expiration date), or it's casually going out (and sometimes going out with other people). If she really likes you that much and is willing to be in a relationship for 8 months, then great! Do it! That's a conversation you guys need to have together. If she's not into that, then just stay casual and you'll need to accept that. She's going to date other guys in 8 months anyway.

What Girls Said 36

  • Personally, either someone makes a commitment to me, meaning they make what we become an item - a thing, or I don't see the point in making the commitment to be exclusive. It's a weird stage of limbo for me... Why devote my time solely to someone who doesn't see a future for us beyond a certain point - and potentionally miss out on someone who does? However much I like them.

    1|0
    0|0
    • Ya I get your point on that, but its just how I date. We actually go out on dates, dinner and such. I just don't want her to be seeing me on Friday night, and some other dude on Saturday... But I do get your point. But I get your point for sure, I feel like I am in limbo...

  • It's like saying be attached till I throw you away lol

    Seeing multiple people helps a person not form an attachment to any single person. That's what makes it emotionally casual.

    Being exclusive takes away the casual even if it's not going anywhere.

    You'll have to find out what she wants. But it sounds illogical if she is avoiding attachment which us usually why people date casually.

    2|0
    0|0
    • We'll it's kind of a mutual 'throw away', in that we are both moving at the same time, permanently. I guess for me, I have no problem spending 8 or so months with someone and then having it end, just fun while its fun. But I just don't know how I feel about seeing other people for either of us, but I totally get where you are coming from. I wish I could just keep it casual on that level but its not for me. I'll just have to see what she thinks about it.

  • If a guy said to me that for the time we've got left he didn't want to waste it dating any other girls and wanted to be exclusive I'd feel special and quite happily agree to that 😊

    3|1
    0|0
    • I hope she feels the same, thanks!

  • I think ideally it would be a good choice to be exclusive as in just see each other until further notice. It's nice to know that your time is being valued and they aren't screwing around with other people.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It depends on how emotionally involved she is. If she is okay with the idea then awesome of not its probably because she wanted something more serious for you two or doesn't see the point. Many people don't see the point in dating if they know it won't last. You should suggest it and see how it goes.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Thanks, it is tough to decide how she feels. sometimes I feel like she does want more and other I fee like I am more involved then her... Games. I think I'll just have to ask about it and see how it goes sometime. thanks for the opinion.

  • Absolutely! I've always felt dating should be exclusive--it's just weird not to have it that way, but that's my opinion. Some people are ok with having open relationships--I just don't see how it works out.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Thanks, that is me as well. I don't see how people can see one person on one night, and then someone else the next night...

    • exactly. it's a very strange concept to me! perhaps, that's why I have been single for so long--but good things are worth waiting for :)!

    • I doubt that very much, there are plenty of guys that would rather only date exclusively, more than most in my experience. But the world we live in is definitely moving in the other direction...

  • find out for sure if you are actually dating, girls don't love to cheat that's more of a dude thing. so if you want to date her only that is fantastic... there is no such thing as casual dating, its just a nice way of say
    " oh, i don't want to be your boyfriend so we'll just go on dates on dates and call them outings"
    the definition of dating is showing special attention to someone of the opposite sex, are you? you probably know you are... so tell her you wanna date her... don't be casual... tell her how you fell about her, let her know you wanna commit, girls don't think guys are capable of it, she will be impressed that you like her enough to want to commit to her... she will be happy that you would want to take her seriously... hope it helps...

    0|0
    0|0
    • But we will be separated by September, both moving in way different areas. I am just afraid of scaring her off...

    • Show All
    • Normally I would agree, but this long distance would be transcontinental and for at least three years...

    • I thought she was like moving for good, dude you got it easy... But I can understand if you don't want to get serious don't tell her but if you wanna commit tell her, it's your choice man

  • No. That's like LDR without being called LDR.
    That's you going: I don't like you enough to ask you to be my girl, but I want you to wait for me anyway.

    No. Just no.
    You wanna go and not be involved, forget me. -_-

    1|0
    0|0
    • I really do like her and have no problems calling her my gf and being all relationshipy! I just know it would be stupid to carry on a transcontinental long term relationship for at least 4-5 years which is what will be happing in 8 months.

    • I don't get what in the world you're trying to do here. I really don't.
      You won't be close, so your relationship will obviously be a long distance one. You think not calling it LDR officially, but "exclusive casual dating" makes it more acceptable? Whaaat? O. o
      If LDR won't work, this has even less chance to.

      Also that line: "I don't like dating multiple people at the same time."
      I don't believe that one.
      To me it sounds like she has options, you can't make her your girl because of that, but you're trying to piss on your territory anyway and make 100% sure that while you're talking to her, no matter where you are, you've eliminated other guys out of the equation.

      Sorry, but the whole point of casual dating is to meet many potential boyfriends and pick the right one.
      if you're going, if LDR is not an option, sorry, but you're not the right one. I would not let you to ruin my prospects of finding a good guy just because you can't have me.

    • I'm clearly not explaining myself correctly here, because that's not at all the scenario... But I agree with you if that were the case! It just isn't my scenario...

  • I would totally agree, I think it's the right thing to do, even if you weren't leaving? If you are interested in someone, and you're "dating"... and hanging out, it's only fair that we respect each other, besides, I think if I am having thoughts of hanging out with someone else, then I should obviously stop dating the other person. It's as simple as "respect" I think. I would not be upset if a guy I was talking to asked me that, I would totally expect the same from him, even if we were aware that we will part ways in the near future.

    Just to be clear though, maybe she decides that since you are parting ways, it's better that you don't "date"... so you don't get too attached? Casual dating doesn't always stay "casual" no matter how hard you try... and it could be painful when you two part ways... Good luck!

    0|0
    0|0
    • See, we do actually go out on dates all the time. We text and we even just hang out too (lots of sex though). I just feel like I am in a relationship... Thanks for your support though, I think we both were looking for casual and we are trying to hang out to that because we know it will almost diffidently come to end due to travel, but outside of some emotional comfort and such outside cuddling, I'd say we are dating

  • I think that if the reason the two of you have decided not to date is because you'll be going separate ways in a defined period of time, but other than that you both like each other, you should talk about being exclusive to one another. If I was in that situation I wouldn't want the guy to be out with other girls either, especially if the only reason we aren't really dating is because of future distance reasons.

    1|0
    0|0
    • Ha thanks. And I mean we have only been dating a month, so we still have not really said what we are, but I just think I am coming up on a good time to bring it up. I would say us moving at the same time is a big part of it, a little bit is also because we have both had two really serious relationships in the past, but don't want that currently. But I still like to be exclusive... I don't know.

  • Yes, if it's a great relationship, I would definitely give it a shot! Live with no regrets and go after what you want. The worst that can happen is rejection. Initially it feels bad, but you get over it and realize that they weren't the person for you. On the other hand, if you don't go for it, you'll never know. She probably won't bring it up for fear of scaring you. Or maybe she abides by "the rules".

    0|0
    0|0
    • You mean like, 'gender roles'?

    • Show All
    • I never heard of this book... Thanks for that though

    • You're welcome! Next time you're in an actual bookstore, brief through it. "The Rules" One of my friends followed it to a tee. That's the only reason I know about it. There are certain things that girls are supposed to do and say or can't do and say. I just know that some girls do follow those rules, so it's sometimes the reason they act how they do. I'm pretty sure guys have their own set of rules... never call a girl right away, etc. Maybe I need to start following the rules... I'm too nice to every guy I date, so they all take me for granted. According to the rules, a woman is suppose to be elusive. But good luck to you!

  • If I like him a lot then I wouldn't have a problem with it. I don't think that the relationship would last though.

    1|0
    0|0
    • Its rally not meant to last though, since we are both moving away at the same time. But thanks!

    • Your welcome. Then I wouldn't want to be in a relationship that I know isn't going to last long but have fun.

  • If its casual I don't think he has the right to ask me to be exclusive, he can ask if we are exclusive but he doesn't get a say in anything that doesn't concern him

    1|0
    0|1
    • I hope this is not how she feels because, all I ask is that we be on the same page and I will be exclusive even if its casual. But thanks for the answer, I want as many takes on this as possible!

    • He has a right to ask but you have a right to refuse.

  • Is this because you want to he safe sexually or because you have serious feelings for her and do not want to be jealous of another man?

    0|0
    0|0
    • I think a bit of both. it started off more due to health reasons, I quite enjoy going down on girls but I would never do that if she was seeing someone else. To be honest though, I posted this about a week ago and things have developed rather quickly and we now are much closer. (valentines day and such), So it has become an issue of I would be hurt as well. I had the chance to hook up with another girl this weekend and I turned it down because I feel a level of commitment now

    • Show All
    • US to UK? for at least 3 years...

    • That is so tough. If you guys fall in love, I think you can make it work. If you aren't completely in love after a couple months of monogamy I would jump ship. Best of luck. :)

  • I would definitely feel good that the guy I liked wanted to be exclusive. I would take him up on his request.

    2|0
    0|0
    • I hope she is as positive as you are with this, thanks for the answer!

  • I think you should just ask her about this. Honestly, all that will really matter is her opinion and no one else's. The worst thing that'll probably happen will her saying no, but I doubt that she will. You asking her would show that you care about her. Maybe she hasn't brought it up because she doesn't know how you feel.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yes... but long distance dating is hard; and often it doesn't work out. But most girls would be faithful. However depending on the age also where one feels they are too young to limit themselves in life. Like if you are both in your teens or early twenties.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I always wanted to have a casual dating. I can only agree with it... If the guy is worth my time and deserving. Woman who's into casual dating likely have bad relationships in the past and trying to avoid it... Not too much stress but if you show her you really care about him maybe she'll ask you that. And as my experience... I don't like guys asking that question...

    0|0
    0|0
  • In my opinion, if someone is interested in you, they wouldn't have the time to be interested in someone else. I feel like you have every right to ask her to not see anyone else.

    1|0
    0|0
    • Thanks, ya Since I posted this we text more often and see each other a bit more often, so I just don't see how she would have the time!

  • Enjoy just each other until time comes when u have to part. Make a memory in lifetogether !!

    0|0
    0|0
  • As long as your honest and upfront about what you want from it and she agrees. If you honestly see nothing coming from this I wouldn't go there since you're moving.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I'd find it a plus

    0|0
    0|0
    • Thanks for the back up! :)

  • To be brutally honest, long distance relationships don't work out. They always end up hurting you, or vice versa. It sucks, but it's how it is. Don't put you both through all of that, it's not right.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Ya no, thats kind of why I am confused on all of this because I don't think any of us want to be together long distance, but we like each other enough to be together until then.

  • well if you're truly interested and you can't bare to leave her, just stay with her because in then end its worth it if you absolutely like her :)

    0|0
    0|0
  • I defiantly think that you should stay together if you like each other that much. I am sure that she would also want to stay in a relationship and not want to see others as well.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I would honestly feel flattered if he wanted to be exclusive and would agree to it.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think it's great. To watch ellostephs vid on YouTube about long distance relationships

    0|0
    0|0
  • If I really liked him then yes.

    0|0
    0|0
  • casual dating is good as long as both the parties know that it could end anytime with prior notice.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yes so much safer that way

    0|0
    0|0
  • More from Girls
    6

What Guys Said 1

  • I think this makes sense.

    The old me would be against it. Although, if you are dating someone you should give them some kind of exclusivity. Otherwise you really are not giving the relationship a shot.

    On the other hand, if you don't want further involvement it's unrealistic to tie someone down...

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...