I don't know what to do. I'll never be good enough?

I'm really upset
Me and this guy met in Nov. We were going on dates, and we had sex. He just he got out of a 7 year relationship a month before. In the beginning he even said "but I'd like to be with you aside from the sex is what you fail to realize" He even said it would be nice to have a girlfriend but he is looking for someone to settle down with. He texted me every day, told me he likes me a lot. We would hang out without having sex. He talked about meeting parents and maybe taking me to his best friend's wedding in May. He always holds my hand. When I was studying at Starbucks one night he came out to see me, no sex. one day he was acting distant and I went crazy texting him 50 times. he told me he was done. we went a week without talking and then we grabbed lunch. he paid, and we didn't have sex. The next day I invited him to my new years eve party, and he declined. he then told me he's not looking for a relationship. I asked him if there were feelings and he said "I did have feelings" and he said "Idk what I want and I dont want to lead you on." Then I asked if this was my fault and he said "it definitely isn't you" Then we ended up talking about meeting up to have sex and hang out 4 weeks ago. Before we met up he seemed hesitant and told me that he doesn’t want me throwing this in his face that all he wanted from me was sex. He also told me he doesn’t want me thinking this is anything more than what it is. We ended up meeting up to have sex and then we went to lunch. During lunch he said “you’re the best." The next day I asked him if he wanted to meet up to have sex and he said "can't have class" then I said "when can you" he said "idk shay" then I asked if he still wanted to have sex in general, and he didn't answer. I apologized for asking and he said "it's ok babe." it's been 4 weeks, haven't heard from him or seen him.

1. Did he have feelings for me and the 50 texts changed that?
2. Was I just sex? or did he have feelings for me?


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What Guys Said 1

  • Having been someone who's had to end a long 10 year relationship I can tell you 1) it's definitely not you and 2) he's definitely not ready. He will need a lot of time to be ready. He was in such a hurry to get back in the relationship rhythm because that was comfortable and he's not used to being on his own. He will need a lot of time depending on the circumstances around that breakup. At least a year and probably more and truth is he may not ever feel like truly doing it again once he's past it. At least he's realizing it now and not a year down the road. People need time to find themselves again and analyze after ending such a long relationship.

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    • thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it. From your experience, was he just using me for sex? or could he have had real feelings for me? I feel like he had feelings for me and because of my 50 texts he stopped having feelings for me. is that possible? I beat myself up over this everyday

    • Might wanna lighten up on the texts next time. It doesn't matter though. He needs time to be single. No sense in beating yourself up but if you ever catch yourself doing something and having to ask yourself if it's a bad idea, it's definitely a bad idea.

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