What's the logic behind a guy paying for a girl on a first date?

This is in response to another question I answered.
Couldn't believe how so many working women today expect a man she's just met to pay for her bills on a date. I'd love to hear the logic behind that.

  • Guy should pay for a girl
    26% (5)38% (6)31% (11)Vote
  • Each pays their own bill
    37% (7)50% (8)43% (15)Vote
  • Who ever asks the other out should pay the full bill
    37% (7)12% (2)26% (9)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • The logic behind it is women are able to be picky and still get dates and that way she saves money. And that way she finds a guy who is willing to spend money on her since that's important to women.

    I personally will never date a women who expects me to pay for the whole date and if she does that's the last date I will ever have with her. I don't want to date somebody who doesn't want things equal and likes the traditional relationships

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What Girls Said 12

  • It's courtship, shows the man's sincerity of his affections and intentions. And once exclusive sometimes I treat, other times he does, until 'yours' and 'mine' becomes 'ours'. I have never broken a guys bank, in the end we probably break even or I even leave at a loss but hey, at least he paid for the first date!

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    • Agreed, its not a big deal. Unless the bill comes out to $730.73

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    • We'll see then you may just have different beliefs and if her beliefs are contrary to yours maybe that is a good sign you shouldn't be together. Some people want the woman to stay home with the kids but some women want to work. Even some women want to stay home but the men want them to work. You have to be on the same page from the begining I think.

    • Also most of my first dates turn to relationships only two did not one was a horrid blind date at a family members house so no money spent, second the guy got chatting with a same sex couple and they invited us to lunch and treated us both. And neither I slept with.

  • I think that dates should be fair for both persons. The first dinner date I had with a guy recently ( first date we had coffee where we both paid for our own) I paid for dinner and then the third date he made me dinner! I think it's ridiculous to think men are obligated to pay for everything.

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  • I personally believe that who ever asks the person out initially should pay for that meal or outing. It was an invitation. From then on, each person can pay for themselves, or one could cover the dinner, the other the activity (if there is one, i. e. movie).

    The antiqued gender roles, including something as deceivingly harmless as men always paying, need to end.

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  • Uh no, I'll pay for me he can pay for him. Unless we're friends before we go on the first date then I might pay for him or reluctantly let him pay for me.

    don't know why but it's easier for me to spend money on people than let people spend money on me.

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  • There's no logic, it's because in the past, women didn't work so they obviously had no money to pay for dates. The gender roles make people think the guy should still be in charge of these kind of things when in reality it's just stupid.

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  • I personally don't let anyone, male or female, spend money on me before feeling comfortable with them.

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    • I second that. However, even friends and family members, I feel very uncomfortable when they attempt to cover the cost of something. On the other hand, I don't mind paying for them.

    • @arcano I'm the same, as far as always feeling comfortable paying for family and friends. only certain family and friends am I ok with spending money of me.

      if I'm seriously dating a guy, I'm ok with him paying sometimes. I prefer taking turns and sometimes splitting the cost of whatever it may be.

  • I won't vote for any of these because i dont agree with any of these.

    Boys usually pay because its considered gentlemanly.

    I appreciate it if the guy pays, but I'm not going to have a tantrum if he can't.

    I think the point of being in a relationship is having a good time with someone you enjoy, and for me Id be willing to chip in on a good time with my boyfriend.
    ---------
    we are 15 and 16, so we dont always have money to do stuff. Sometimes i have money and sometimes he won't and visa versa. BUT I HATE WHEN I GIVE THE MONEY TO A WAITOR OR CASHIER AND THEY COMMENT ABOUT HIM "MAKING" ME PAY.
    God dammit there's not much in this world that makes me more upset.

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  • To make women and men feel like women are low end escorts.

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    • That's a very sad and jaded way to look at things, I hope you don't actually believe that.

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    • Standard but the standard is totally arbitrary in the first place and exists to reduce women to something that can be bought and controlled with money.

      It's not talked about that way Bc thaT sounds bad. Like yoire horrified at the idea. So imstead we DSL it romance or chivalry. But when you break it down especially within an historical context... It's just gloried and very Cheap escort service. You're payimg for her times ne in return you hae control over what happens. You can call it masculinity. And chivalry. I call it commoditizing a human being.

      And no im not jaded or bitter.

      I've been in only one relationship in my life and I asked himto be my bf and we've basicslly been in love since. We're enaged now Thank you:)

      And I've never let him buy me dinner. :-)

    • I will put the question to you.

      Women work now. They make their owna only. Technically they are able to pay their own way.

      So what is the " logic" behind the guy paying.

      Any reason based on polite etiquette or romance could be explained away equally with the woman paying. It does nOt explain why it's the GUY. Bc it's not about romance it's about early establishment of unequal distribution of power.. Naturalize my and desensitizing submission of one sex to another.

      This is what I think Bc I am perceptive and intelligent. it is not how I " feel" Bc I have been hurt.

  • I think that whoever makes the invitation should pay. I hate when guys pay for me though, and I always try to pay for myself. When I had a friends with benefits, he always payed for me, no matter how much resisted :)

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  • The one who asks the other out should pay. I am not going to pay for some shit, if you where the one who wanted me to come with you. Just as I'll pay for both of us, if I asked you out.

    Later in the relationship I think both pays for themselves, or whatever that particular couple finds best.

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  • I feel like it depends on the situation. On the first date, I think it's a nice, gentlemanly (albeit traditional) thing to do. However as the relationship progresses, I think it should go back and forth for the nicer occasions. But on the more casual dates, I think each person paying for themselves is fine.

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  • I always go for breakfast with my friend with benefits but he always pay. Is that bad?

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    • If he asks you to pay and you refuse, then yes. If he insist on paying, and you let him know that you can cover yourself, but he won't allow you to pay for yourself.. Then no. it's not bad.

    • If he ask me yes I would pay. But he always insist to pay

What Guys Said 15

  • She put far more money into hair, nails, clothes to make for a nice date than I did, so i will pay. She is also looking for a strong partner, so I can add money to that partnership as I out earn most people. As a matter of fact, I would take her someplace really nice to show that and to further differentiate myself from the guys who expect her to pay half.

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    • You're showing her you can pay for an escort. This and nothing to do with relationship sincerity or intentions.

      And you dk if she put a lot of money into her clothing or if it's any more than you put into tours. Most likely she's going to wear whatever make up she wears whether she's with you or goimg out by herself.

    • I am showing her I can support a family and a wife that can take time off to have and raise our kids as well. As a guy that is part of my job and I am good with that.

  • It shows that he is able to provide for his woman
    it shows that money isn't an issue for him...

    I always pay on a first date unless the woman insists otherwise

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    • it's proving he's willing and able to pay for one dinner. No more commitment than you make towards a super cheap escort.

    • Well i often pay for the few first dates, i just don't feel right asking a woman out and not paying... call me old school thats just how i was raised..
      And it doesn't show commitment i never said it did, also its completely different than taking an escort out
      The lady isn't going out with me for the free meal, she is going out with me because there is a mutual attraction, not because i paid her to...

  • During one of my most active dating periods, over the course of the month, I had 23 dates with 15 different women (yeah, compressed schedule--I was bored, what can I say). Imagine how much money I would have spent had I paid for a dinner every night. Let's say $40 for both, including tips --that comes to $920.

    So there are a few solutions I adopted:

    If it's a dinner, she pays for her own meal, or for both of us (if a girl really likes you, she will sometimes want to, so let her).

    If it's just coffee, I'll pay for both, no need to be cheap over $2.

    Better yet, just don't go to dinner or do anything expensive. Dinners are awful dates anyways, unless you are already deep into a relationship with the girl (in which case you aren't going on 23 dates a month, so you can afford to treat her).

    The best dates are cheap, pressure free for both of you, and allow you both to be relaxed and focus on getting to know each other through conversation... or more, should you choose.

    Pouring a ton of money into dating is impractical financially and has no bearing on whether or not she's going to like you (unless she's the type of girl you don't want anyway). Plus, she has a job, so when there's a larger bill, why shouldn't she contribute?

    Hopefully that's useful to someone ;)

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    • If it makes you feel better some women spend more on men they date then the other way round but the dating does tend to have to go past the first date. One ex cost me at least 4k on my credit card (long term relationship and his alcoholism and casual drug use got bad) and I never hated for it nor got jaded from it, he was ill with his addictions and even though I ended it I loved him.

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    • @SenNausicaa
      I get where you're coming from, you just have very traditional attitudes toward dating and believe in ritual behaviors. I suppose I'm closer to the opposite of that, but I can understand why someone would feel as you do and I have nothing against people who feel that way.

      Haha, and thanks, I'm rather fond of my username too ;)
      What does yours mean?

    • They are two characters from two different Hayao Miyazaki films Sen from Spirited Away and Nausicaa from Nausicaa and the Valley of the Wind. Basically two female heroines from Japanese animation films.

  • Cause they have to carry a baby around for 9 months and give birth. It's the least you could do. No?

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  • Today, not really any logic.

    In times past, it signified how the man was willing to invest his time and money into merely getting to know her, and how he had provider traits. Now, provider traits aren't work much, so we're mostly smart enough to only buy the girl a cup of coffee or a beer.

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  • this came from women not being able to make as much as man... it was once considered a noble thing... maybe it still is but it defenitly tempts women to become westernized prostitues aka gold diggers...

    if i hve to pay all the time, she's getting booted.

    too many leeches... i see the same whoes linggering around different booths at the club leeching off bottle services...

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  • I think it would be emasculating to have the girl pay for the date

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  • depends on how the date goes, going good i will quickly pay, if not make her pay for wasting my time...

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  • I will pay for the date because a) I'm the one that asked her to come, b) It's the "gentleman" thing to do

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  • because girls are gold diggers and all they care about is money

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  • That answer SHOULD be C, but unfortunately most women are too cowardly to ask a man out, so it will always be men who pay.

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  • Because girls didn't used to work so the guys had to pay and now it's just sort of stayed as the tradition. Now girls work too they should pay their share though. I'd be offended if a girl expected me to pay all on a date, and I think I wouldn't want to go out with her again

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  • The logic being a guy paying for a girl on a first date is that the girl gets a free meal. I can see why some women will push this old gender role since it benefits them. I always go with the mindset of.. I pay for me and she pays for herself. If the girl expects me to pay then I know from the get-go that her personality won't fit mine and that I won't waste any more time on her than that one date. So, I'm fine with a woman expecting me to pay... since it helps me narrow down the field of possible candidates. The only time I think one person should foot the entire bill is if they asked the person out on a date and the person they asked said that they would love too, but that they don't have any money and then the person that asked told the person that they asked that they will cover them.

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  • Who ate your bowl of sunshine this morning thundercloud?

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    • This comment gave me a nice laugh. What a string of words; I'll have to remember them.

      OP is a little stagnant on this topic... I do not think "most women," or more simply "most people," expect anyone to pay for them. I hear people making the claim more than I see it in action. "Most women" cover their own costs, from my experience.

  • "I'm a traditional woman who thinks men should pay for all dates"
    -can't cook
    -can't clean
    -wears men's clothing
    -talks and behaves likes a man
    This is your typical woman.

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