Why do some men SMOTHER and how do I end this?

So I had a kind of last straw moment today.

Basically me and this guy have been kinda going out for a few months. He's a cool guy and we get along but I've told him I want to take it slow and that I'm kind of lore interested in someone else at the moment.

Well see he's been really cutesy since our first date. Like he bought me a stuffed animal and then a video game i said I liked when I was a little kid and all that was fine. Well then he wrote me a letter. He didn't say he loved me but he said everything but... it was definitely a love letter.

Okay so.. he's a singer right? Well then he wrote me a song lol. And sang it on one of our dates which was cute but a bit much right? He actually studio recorded it and put it on his soundvloud and its gonna be on his album.

Struggling to breathe yet? Well then he wrote my parents a letter telling them about himself and all this stuff and why they should know I'm safe with him. Errrrrrrr.

Okay so here's the last straw. Valentine's Day is today. I told him I didn't want to do anything either way. I said it's too soon. I was very clear. But. What does the man do? He buys me a giant bouquet of flowers and has them delivered TO my house and I have to play it cool in front of my parents when I wanna DIE of embarrassment.

Is it just me or is this too much? Like does this sound romantic or excessive? I'm used to taking it really slow with guys and nobody's ever written me a letter before.. is all of this normal and am I just crazy?

I seriously want to end it because I feel like a project. He's also said stuff like "you're the most beautiful girl I've ever known" which is sweet but does he want me for me or does he want to acquire me? I'm just afraid to end it and have it get weird


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Oh my god reading this made me uncomfortable

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    • Thank you! So I'm not just being a cunt like others seem to think?

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    • I just feel like there's an appropriate time and place for stuff like this and to me we kinda aren't on that level yet.

    • yeah its called being wired like a cunt hahahahahaha ^_^ just kidding

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What Guys Said 13

  • considering a lot of girls get all gushy fantasizing about this kind of attention, i'm torn between thinking you're kind of an ungrateful bitch and also that his unrequited, unreciprocated love is a bit sad... i mean for gods sake he's not some puppy dog eating out of your hand he's a grown man and he deserves respect so either suck his dick or send him on the way, but the way you're playing it right now, its like you want the attention but you also want to judge him for it. he wrote a fucking song about you. either you fuck his brains out right now or you leave him the fuck alone and stop playing with his heart... la douleur exquise ain't nothin to fuck with and it ain't your toy

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    • Wow you're really harsh. I've made it really clear this was too soon and today it really embarrassed me in front of my dad tbh. It was awkward

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    • That's personal but the point is you don't know

    • lmao i'm guessing personal means you're full of shit and you're just playing the devils advocate because you know i'm right. if you have fucked him, thats different, if you haven't, fuck him or leave him alone. but don't make some bitchy fuss about it. i'm not the one you should be trying to convince.

  • On one hand I agree with you because it's a bit much, but on the other hand this makes me sad because it feels like this kind of stuff should be the norm for romantic relationships.

    I agree that he should have definitely spaced this stuff out more and listened when you said you didn't want to do anything for V-Day, but I don't disagree with anything he did. Simply trying to tell you he likes you (perhaps a lot).

    Personally I would just tell him that you appreciate everything he's done, but it's going to fast. Maybe he's trying to make up for a past bad relationship he has been in (or lack thereof).

    Sometimes when people finally feel comfortable enough to express themselves for the first time, they overdo it. Relax.

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    • Ah, I just saw that this guy is 30. That weirds me out. Not sure what to think now, too much of an age difference for me. I would be a bit skeptical of intentions.

    • I kind of thought it over after and chilled out. I told him my feelings on it and how it was all kinda making me panic a bit and we had a good talk so I think it's all cool for now

      In hindsight it's nice that someone thought of me..

    • Indeed, it is. Glad you resolved this and were able to talk it out.

  • I didn't even read the rest of the question after u said that u told him that u were more interested in someone else atm. The hell? Why did u go out with him in the first place? It sounds to me like u r the problem not all these guys who r trying to give u affection, and aren't even appreciated at the very least for their efforts. So basically u consider a guy pouring his heart out and showering u with love and affection, an annoyance?

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  • hm... seems waaay over the top, especially seeing as you've made it clear multiple times you want to take it slow.
    Maybe sit him down and talk things through, then give him one (1) chance before you end it?

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  • I am aware not all girls are into romantic guys, but many women would kill for a man that you have. Its your life your choice

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  • Holy crap! He sure raised the bar! How could I ever date you now! ?

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    • Here's a tip: don't do ANY of that at least til we're exclusive lmao

    • Tip received! I'm not artistic enough to make any of that work anyways. ;(

  • He's trying to compete I'm a horrible fashion, if you've been very clear on all fronts then I suggest moving on, though he may be genuine, it's all on how you feel about him.

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  • Well he clearly likes you.

    Just break it to him. Tell him to move slower. If he cares, he should understand. maybe give him some time.

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  • Wow cringe.
    He sounds like hard work, what to intense for sure.
    I would ditch him.

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  • Is this the 30 year old?

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  • He's trying to compete with the other guy you like, I can understand his behavior but he should take it slower.

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  • Does this chump know about the other dude? If he does then he's trying to compete by attempting to buy your affections.

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  • lol, he's besotted with you! He needs to be less of a sensitive little flower about it though.

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What Girls Said 5

  • Dude, chill. My current boyfriend had flowers, chocolate dipped strawberries and a heart necklace from KAY jeweler's delivered to my house on Valentine's day last year when we'd been dating less than two weeks. Some guys who can afford to just like spoiling their girlfriends. He sounds like he's trying to be romantic, although the letter to your parents is a little odd. I've had guys write songs about me, send me page long love letters and say they love me within hours of us starting to go out. Guys are just wired a little different. If it really bothers you you souls sit him down and talk about it. Tell him it's all very sweet but you're a little uncomfortable accepting all these things. Tell him if he really cares about you than hell respect you enough to tone it down. If he doesn't, well, you have him a warning.

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    • Two weeks? Damn I would have ended that right there unless I reaally liked him.

      But I mean I've had guys buy me things before. Some expensive things actually. so it's not just that. It's the constant expressions of emotions im not really feeling right now

  • He's 33 and doing this with a 19 year old? He kinda screams desperate to me. I mean it's nice when men do take interest in us and do little things for us but if you're not really reciprocating and he's still showering you with attention, and a man his age pursuing a 19 year old, makes me think there's a few physiological there. I would back off a little and see what happens an if he is still doing it then you need to end it. He could become obsessive.

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    • *psychological issues* is what it's supposed to say lol

    • There is just no pleasing women they always gotta complain about something.

  • That sounds like way too much, I'd be annoyed. You need to tell him that you feel he's suffocating you and he's rushing it. Tell him that he's pushing you away, he needs to chill out a bit. Otherwise, leave! It does sound like red flags tbh.

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  • I wish i had an effect like that on men. :P...

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  • If you don't want him, send him over to me :)

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