Why are guys I'm interested in, not interested in me but guys I'm either not interested in or mildly interested in, are chasing after me all the time?

Why are guys I'm interested in, not interested in me but guys I'm either not interested in or mildly interested in, are chasing after me all the time?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • That's just the paradox of life

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What Guys Said 1

  • This is known as "reaching" - the act of being attracted to, or pursuing, someone who is out-of-your-league physically.

    Let's say you're a 6/10: You may find guys who are 8/10 attractive but they do not reciprocate whereas guys who are 4/10 will chase you because they're reaching.

    The only fix is to be more realistic about what you're attracted to or to try to raise yourself on the 1-10 scale so the guys you're attracted to you are, in turn, attracted to you.

    Simply put: We want what we can't have.

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    • But what if the guys she's liking aren't guys who are necessarily "better-looking"? Not all girls/women go gaga over guys who are super good-looking. Looks aren't EVERYTHING. And judging by her age range, she's probably not just thinking about looks. Women tend to like personality, confidence and other factors in men that go a little deeper than looks.

      What if she just happens to like these guys (good-looking or not)? Why is it that the guys she likes don't like her, but the guys she doesn't like like her? I've often wondered this myself. It's a crazy weird phenomenon.

    • @Mystique01: My apologies. I view attractiveness in terms of physical but it's entirely possible that she meant personality-wise. In that case, the answer is much more complex and subjective.

What Girls Said 2

  • The only thing I would guess is that maybe you are acting a little differently around the guys that you DO like as opposed to the guys that you don't like? For example, I know for me... when I like a guy, I can get REALLY nervous around him (I'm somewhat shy), and I can act kind of funny around him if I don't know how he feels about me. But with guys that I don't really like/have a crush on, I'm my usual normal, fun, bubbly, outgoing, and lively self!

    It could be that the guys you DO like are getting a version of yourself? Just something to consider...

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    • Yep I think this is what's happening. How can I just be myself around guys I like instead of being self-conscious of everything I say and do?

    • Well, one thing is you have to stop OVER-thinking things. I have this problem too. But in my opinion, nothing takes away from your radiance and beauty faster than OVER thinking or OVER analyzing things w/a guy. :(

      Just focus on being yourself, because ultimately, don't you want to have a guy who likes you for YOU? If you give him a FAKE version of yourself, how long will you have to keep that charade up if you two end up together?

      I think a lot of times we can't be ourselves (thus acting "different" around people we like) because we are putting those people we are crushing on on top of some insurmountable pedestal, and that's not good! Don't view him as "up there" and you are "down here". View the two of you as EQUALS. :) The more you see your crush as someone who is imperfect, with flaws, quirks, and idiosyncrasies (just like you), I think the more your nervousness will subside, and you'll be able to talk to him like a regular person. ^_^ HTH!

  • You might be happier if you gave people are chance

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