Should I be upset that my boyfriend doesn't want to take me to a party because his ex will be there?

So I've recently gotten into a new relationship and everything is going great. my boyfriend and I have so much in common and he treats me really well. We are both very into each other.. however he is still in contact with his ex because she is suicidal and depressed.. she cheated on him after 4 years and tried to threaten suicide if he didn't take her back.. anyway she is also dating someone else.. they have a mutual friend that is having a birthday party this weekend and he was going to invite me to.. since finding out she is going he doesn't want to take me because she might make a scene and she won't take the guy she is seeing if my boyfriend goes.. he said he feels torn because he doesn't want to upset me but it's his good friend.. i don't know how I should be handle this or feel. it does kinda upset me but I don't want to tell him not to go.

Updates:
Thanks for your opinions everyone. after he told me about it I went a bit quiet and I think he could tell that I was upset. so he sent me several messages and kept calling saying he wouldn't go.. I told him the next day that he should be able to go to his good friends party if he wants (cos I felt bad and didn't want to be controlling). i then said that I don't like how both of then where leaving there partners at home as to not upset the other one.
He said she will be leaving her guy at home out of respect as it's the guy she cheated on him with.. he then said he'd rather take me and have a nice night but knows what would happen if he did.. I said that he can't hide me from her forever to spare her feelings and one day she is going to have to get over it.. I'm still pretty unsure about how I feel about it all :/.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • This is a terrible situation to be in, I have been in your situation not to the exact details, but I felt hurt. I tried to be understanding but over all she's his past and you're his present, if she even remotely cares about him and wants him to be happy, she would respect the fact that you are his girlfriend and wouldn't care if you came. There may be a bit a tension but you guys are adults, and if he's worried that she will make a scene perhaps she isn't over him, it's one thing to think something and another to act upon it. What she decides to do and what your boyfriend decides to do is completely different whether she takes her boyfriend or not, it should affect whether he brings you. He could realistically have both, please his friend and bring you- but also it's up to you if you want to go and if you are mentally prepared to deal with the worst.

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What Guys Said 8

  • He should not go at all or take you...
    I understand that she will probably try to start a problem or approach you but your man has to stick by your side
    Your feelings are justified, let him know how you feel, thats how you build a healthy relationship...

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  • Easy. He pops his head I'm at the party. Hugs his friend. Says happy birthday while dropping off the gift then leaves to spend that time with you. His friend will understand if he tells him why he's not staying.
    He's torn because he doesn't want to miss out on the fun party. The problem is that fun party includes his ex. But he also went back on his invitation with you that makes it shady. It would be different if it was a funeral or a wedding. But he can always celebrate the friends birthday one on one to make up for not going to the party

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  • Go to the party with him and be civil. If she has a problem with you two being there together, that is her problem. She needs to grow up and learn how to deal with her emotions in an adult fashion. The two of them aren't together anymore and she needs to get that through her head. He doesn't need to be kowtowing to her emotional insecurities.

    Just ask yourself this question, how long are you going to allow this to keep going on? If it's a mutual friend there will be more parties and get-togethers in the future. Are you going to avoid all of them? Is he going to tell you to stay home for all of them? That is not at all fair to you. You are his priority now, not her.

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  • I would be upset. He should either not go, or take you. If the crazy ex plays a scene, that's on her, not your bf.

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  • That's terrible for his ex to place a lot of pressure on him like that and making you feel left out. It's sweet that he's thinking of your safety but shouldn't you have a saying in the matter? If your brave enough to go to the party and don't mind the risk of getting into a cat fight, he should trust your judgment in that regard. I still think its a bad idea for him to keep getting in contact with his ex if she has a new boyfriend :/

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  • If you go, it sounds like it will be a fight. He's obligated to go as it's his good friend. Me I'd go but know that there will be drama. This one's a hard call. Are you in contact with her at all? Maybe you could arrange a "cease fire" on behalf of the birthday boy? Couldn't hurt to ask if everyone can be civil.

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    • No I'm not in contact with her.. I'm not even sure that she knows that we are a couple.. he doesn't want to upset her by bringing me.

  • I have avoided taking my lady to certain functions because my ex would be there. The difference is, I didn't go either. I don't necessarily think anything nefarious is going on, but he should probably be smart and just stay home with you.

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  • he shouldn't go

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What Girls Said 11

  • Tell him honestly how you feel about it the entire situation, like you've told us. There should be communication. Don't keep everything to yourself. I'm sure after he knows about it, he'll do something about it. Understand where each other is coming from.
    But in my opinion, he shouldn't go to the party. However, if it's really important to him, compromise.
    Hope everything goes well. ☺

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  • What rubbish sorri2 say. you are the GF title now and she is the ex. an ex is just tht a blast from the past. you need to stand your ground and not allow ur self2 get bossed around. maybe he's still seeing her behind ur back? why does she matter more than u but u the gf tht don't make sense at all. be bossy he's ur man and that's that. he either gonna take you2 tht party and if he doesn't you don't just sit at home u also go2 a party with out him and let him feel what it feels like and get another bf even. and this whole thing of her being suicidal was wn they wr2 gether why is it a factor now? she's still trying 2 control him if she wants2 kill herself in front of her new guy and you then leave her2 do it the nutcase! sounds to me like he's still with her on the side and cheating on u. I'd never allow this sh@t

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  • You should demand that he take you to the party. If he is not cheating on you why would it matter if you met her?

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  • Is the party giver your friend as well? Then you're obligated to gi as well as veing a good friend. Otherwise, don't go. Is one party really worth the trouble? You can go with him next time. This is probably only a one time thing and not worth the energy.

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  • If he's over her then he wouldn't care. He needs to make u a priority not her.

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  • That's not right on his part. If he doesn't want you to go, then he shouldn't go as well. I would be a little suspicious. Does he still have feelings for her?

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  • Well you should be mad. He cares about his ex more than you. Shea just being crazy she won't really do it. You better go! Yes letting his past ruin his present!

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  • Ya! He obviously doesn't want you to go because you will see the ex and BF kissing under the moonlight. Or he doesn't want his ex to know that you are with him. Either way

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  • u have the right to be mad because he is not taking u to the party cus of his ex who is more important to him then you? IF he is moved on then he should think about you only... All the words his ex said is just words.. even my ex used to threaten me like im gona suicide and i will dead cus of you but he is still alive and he is hanging out with many girls as before.. so yeah girl, dont be his private pocket... u care about his feels but also show him the right direction and not wrong... tell him that u ain't scared of his ex.. if she does anything, lets see if he stands up for you? and see whom he cares more about? might be wrong but better then having to think negative for to long.

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  • Upset?
    U must tell him too to stay at home. I mean ur bf goes to a part where his ex is ditching u at home. What kind of a guy he is? U need a guy who holds ur hand with confidence and not hide u

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  • No reason for them to be talking, but give him the benefit of the doubt until he gives you a reason to not trust him. your feelings are valid. Just be cautious don't be naive.

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