Bored and curious survey: monogamy or polyamory?

Are you a monogamous person? In a monogamous relationship?

Or

Are you a polyamorous person? In polyamorous relationships?

And why for both?
And if poly how far does your relationship tree branch out

  • mono
    90% (9)73% (11)80% (20)Vote
  • poly
    10% (1)27% (4)20% (5)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Poly. It is not for everybody, as some people simply cannot work through the poison of jealousy and the fears of being left behind, but there is nothing that can compete with the feeling of true unconditional love. You cannot have unconditional love in a monogamous relationship, though you can still feel love and happiness and satisfaction. But once you have felt what it is to be loved unconditionally you can never go back.

    As for my personal relationship tree... I have a wife that I love, two girlfriends that I love, and another that I've just started seeing. My wife has a serious girlfriend. One of my girlfriends is fairly mono, so she only sees me. The other has a husband and another boyfriend. The girl I'm just starting to see has a girlfriend. So, it is not a tree so much as it is a forest. And it is full of emotional support and understanding. It is about connecting with people on a fundamental level and letting them operate as an autonomous individual who has needs and desires that may or may not include you. It becomes a mutual exercise in "what do THEY need", not "what do I need". It is a fundamentally different approach than most relationships, but far more rewarding.

    The "they need" vs "I need" is the biggest difference. A loves B. If A thinks "what does B need?" and comes up with an answer like "the freedom to love C", in a poly relationship that's no problem. A can support B in that, A loves B unconditionally, and lets B do what is emotionally needed. A is concerned about B's happiness more than their own. In a mono relationship though, A cannot let B pursue anything with C, because it would make A unhappy. B's emotional needs are less important than A's personal happiness, so A does not let it happen. The excuse of "well, if B loved me then they wouldn't blah blah blah" means NOTHING. This is about A, and their concern for B. Whether or not they want what will make B happy, without condition, or not.

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    • Thanks for the insight.

      One of my new friends is in a polyamorous relationship and it interests me so much. But the way you explained makes it make sense.

      Although personally i dont think i could be polyamorous. I admire your reasoning

    • Thank you. As I mentioned, it's definitely not for everyone. The process of breaking down a lifetime of fear and jealousy is difficult. Very difficult. Most people are happy to just have conditional love and hope it works out. Leads to serial monogamy, and most people find that to be an acceptable trade-off. It's a good middle ground, really. Gives you the sense of being loved with the safety of not having to face fear and jealousy head on.

      At the end of the day, it's all about feeling happy. Whatever works for the individual.

What Guys Said 6

  • Polyamorous. I have a girlfriend and we play with a triad (FMF). The triad is a primary relationship, for lack of a better word, and my girlfriend and I are a primary relationship. Nobody in the group of us five is currently with anyone outside of the group.

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  • i'm a polyamorous since i go with escorts

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  • Monogamous
    Polyamory would be fun but I prefer to continue our marriage.

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  • That's complicated. I'm monogamous in that I have only one spouse/person that I am in love with however we both have consentual extra marital sex with others. Feelings of love are not a factor in those relationships.

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  • Monogamous, I dislike having multiple partners.

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  • im poly but my gf is mono. she doesn't know i have sex with other girls though.

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What Girls Said 4

  • Definitely monogamous. I have no desire to ever have an open-relationship or relationship involving more than two people.

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  • definitely monogamous. always.

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  • I voted for mono.

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  • Oops accident on vote b. I meant a. I am waiting for marriage and want something genuine. plus for me I know their can only be one and thats me lol I want my future husband's undivided attention and I would hope he would want the same :)

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