Am I doomed because I'm black?

Black women seem to be least desired by men. Lots of stereotypes about black women are really negative and stupid.

I have never dated and only men over 50 have ever said I look beautiful ( obviously I'm not interested in men that are that much older than me). My fair skinned friends are really popular with guys.

I feel like I'm ugly and worthless because I have dark skin and not very caucasian features. by the way I live in scandinavia and here people are mostly white.

So am I doomed to be alone forever? Because I'm black and ugly

Updates:
Sorry guys, I now realize I was being really rude when I wrote this. I don't think black women are ugly... I just think I am and my self-hate destroys me.
I'll return to theraphy and try to learn to accept myself.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • If you are doomed it's not your skin, it's just you. Don't pull the rest of us Black women down with you as an excuse.

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    • I'm sorry.. wasn't my intention. I've just been bullied and called names for my appearance so long I find my skin very ugly. People around me adore white skin so thats why I do it.

      I don't think black women are ugly. I just think I am. I realize now I should have simply asked if I'm doomed because I'm simply ugly and sad individual.

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    • Yes, thank you. You are right.

    • Awesome, the only reason I am where I am now is because I never stopped trying to improve myself, I certainly did not look like this 3 years ago. Work on your body and mind, you can do it :).

What Guys Said 22

  • One thing about Scandinavians is that you will never be one of them unless you look like them, talk exactly like them, like the things they like, and can show you were born there to a family that can trace its lineage back a billion generations of Nordic folk. I had an Arabic friend describe his 6 years living in that area and he says it doesn't matter how long you live there, you will always be an outsider. I'm sure Scandies can be sociable when they want, but they don't really like mixing outside their own. But, this describes most countries. The major exception is probably America, and to a lesser extent Australia, and the UK. Moving is probably not an option for you. But I would wager that there must be at least a couple of Scandy men that like black girls. There's always a few in every bunch, these contrarians that seem to like the opposite of what everyone else likes; sort of like hispter Scans. Scansters? I would so totally call them Scansters if I was there. Also, its a bit heartbreaking that you describe yourself as ugly. Let's both try not to use that word too much, because, even it's ascetically true, it has no value to anyone personally.

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    • Well I was born here and theur language is my native language. I like the same things most of them do. But it's simply my looks. They assume I'm not from here (before I actually talk to them).

    • I see. Yes that appears to be the case with most countries. I'm sorry, it must feel like you don't have a home country sometimes.

  • No, black women being 'undesirable' is a myth. Plenty of black women are really beautiful. Hence, you're NOT doomed to be alone. Cheer up!

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    • Yeah but women from other races are thought to be more beautiful and preferred

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    • Yes but people from certain race often have similar facial features so if some people find these features unattractive, and people from that race mostly hate these features... well.

      Obviously I'm just ugly anyways

    • No one in the world is 'ugly'. They may be unattractive to certain members of the opposite sex, but that doesn't mean they're ugly. Same with you. There are men who even find women like Megan Fox and Angelina Jolie 'unattractive'. No one can be 'universally attractive', and similarly it is not possible to be 'unattractive' to everyone of the opposite sex.

  • A black woman with intelligence, kindness, a good sense of humor and ambition is as attractive to me as any other race of woman with the same qualities.

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  • almost all of the black girls I've ever been interested in weren't interested in me, and most of them dated white guys exclusively. So what should I do when the women from my own racial background aren't interested? Well, I date outside my race... which has worked a lot better for me. You aren't doomed because you are black, but figuring out what black women want has always been a difficult struggle for me. From what I see, they usually want hyper masculine juiced up guys, which is the exact opposite of who i am. I'm smaller, more refined with my style, and usually too nerdy for black girls. The first black girl I've ever met that was into science fiction was a girl i met on here like 2 weeks ago.

    So you see that my personal history concerning black women isn't the best. I still like them, as i believe every group of women has something great to offer.. but i rarely go out of my way to pursue black women because i just assume that the answer is no

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  • people like people who look like themselves. you live in a country thats predominately white. they're going to want predominately white people. its not just the whole facial psychology thing either, its also a matter of availability. in a country thats mostly white, it only makes sense that the girls they date are going to be mostly white. otherwise where the fuck would everyone find their women? you're going to find that the percentage of black people in your country is going to be also the percentage of people that want black people. maybe more if they're looking for something different and exotic. go to japan or something and its the same deal, white guys are the gaijins, they're not even allowed in some districts. i mean you can look at it as just being different and feel persecuted or look at it as being special, and show people that what you have to offer is a change of pace form their usual

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  • If u find a black guy, u will be fine. Maybe move to a different country with more black men?

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    • Black guys have been just as rude to me as white guys.

    • Well then you just need to find the right black guy. And I'm shre some white guys would be attracted to you as well.

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  • i see many hot black chiks evry day... dear beauty comes in all races not all caucasian gals are sexy cmon i always see ugly white girls

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  • If you're racist against yourself how do you expect others to not be racist against you? I'm sorry but please just snap out of it it's hard to read

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    • Weird logic, that is not how racism works, but yeah I understand nobody will like me if I hate myself.

  • You're semi-doomed. I mean most people are semi doomed in one way or another, unless you're like hot as hell and perfect. Being black does work against you, it is simply how society works. Don't shoot me, I'm just the messenger! You're gonna have to accept it. I have had to accept that I'm a shorty at 5'7 with many other flaws

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  • Go to Africa or America there's a mixture of people

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  • Don't let what others say about you bring you down!

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    • Remember that not everyone's words are valuable. Those pessimistic people have very little value to their word. :)

  • Nah, I am pretty sure some people would find you appealing primarily because you look unique here.

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  • My first attractions were ebony goddess. Try not to be so hard on yourself a lot of people are alone. Question, have you ever tried to make the first move? Rejection is a killer, but it helps with growth. Also how do you know if you never tried.

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  • What stereotypes are they? i don't know of any black people stereotypes other than the slightly racist one about black people all do drugs...

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    • That black women are mostly overweight and have huge attitude (I mean are rude), they are all ghetto and in general black people being calked aoes, stupid etc.

    • Not met many overweight black people, i'll admit that a few black women i have met have had a bit of an attitude problem (not so much rude just sorta a case of a higher than normal bitch level)

      Depends on where you are as well, some places (as i'm sure you know) are worse than others for racism etc.

  • why not move to a country that's mostly black? problem solved.

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    • Black guys have been just as rude towards me as white guys. No problem solved

  • maybe your location is the issue. move to the UK or other EU country with more black people.

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  • Fortunately, I can give some fairly direct insight. Given that, though I live in the U. S, I'm probably at least somewhat descended from a similar racial background.

    The notion that men are not attracted to black women is a complicated stereotype. Those sorts of conclusions are most likely not causation on skin color but rather on assumptions of culture.

    The point I'm trying to make is that guys often times are raised to believe that other races are inferior to some degree or at least undesirable in the context of their personalities. Black women are often considered to be unpleasant, loud, stubborn, etc. This is obviously not always true.

    If however you present yourself in a confident and pleasant manner then guys are much more likely to be interested.

    I for one like black girls. Granted this was after a few of them approached me, being interested in me and showed me (without me bringing up my preconceived ideas of them) that they were pleasant and more than capable of being my type.

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  • black women suck

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    • If you dont have anything nice to say... dont say anything coward asshole

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    • how am i racist by not liking black girls when that's the question the entire premise of the thread is racist!

    • That is not what I meant. But you say all black people are immature and stupid. I might be but not all black people

  • You're playing the dating game on "hard." That doesn't mean it's impossible, but yeah, the deck is stacked against you :/ I'm sorry.

    (Okcupid has a blog post about race in dating - you might look for it)

    I suspect building a strong, solid life of your own is going to be very valuable - especially if you keep wide social circles, and explore many of your interests. More chances to meet guys, more topics to talk about, more things in common.

    Good luck!

    (fwiw, I much prefer very pale skin... or very dark skin. There's a lot of variation in what guys like. Also... I totally am attracted to women outside my "type" and have only found my gf really physically attractive after I got to know her and got used to the way she looked. Which means even if a guy isn't interested in someone with dark skin, they might be interested in someone who dances, or someone who does rock climbing, or someone who etcetcetc)

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  • Many commercials or movies want to show black guys with white women, so you are out.

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  • I'm a white male, and only women over 50 have ever told me I'm attractive. Has nothing to do with race.

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    • Yeah obviously. Just added that. Young guys have more gurls to pick from and ofcourse they choose pretty ones. Thats why they aren't interested in me.

    • Men actually have less options than women.

What Girls Said 10

  • It may or may not have to do with race. I've never been to Scandinavia so I'm not sure how they think. Maybe they are just used to pale girl's? But here in America there are a lot of interracial couples, despite the racism we still have.
    But please don't think you're ugly just because you're black. The old people that tell you you're beautiful are just wise enough to see that. Soon you will find someone that will realize just how beautiful you are.
    And confidence helps with beauty. If you think you're beautiful to yourself, it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks. Feel beautiful, be beautiful. Hope this helps.

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  • Well, if you reflect yourself like that then you're basically dooming youself. Just because you live in a predominantly Caucasian country doesn't mean there aren't men who can love you and appreciate you.

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  • Girl You ain't "Doomed". If anything you're "Blessed". Everyone was blessed with a tone of their own. You gotta stop askin these questions... Bad enough summa these #NonNiggas call us pathetic/thirsty/desperate already. Be happy you black. #AckAFool its what we do best!!! Plus, it dont matter what all the men in THE WORLD thinks. As long as you got that one dude whos down for you and the way you look, you good to go
    🙌🙏👏👆👍👌✌️

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  • Stop doing comparisons. Find your own strengths and learn to live with that. Not on what you don't have.

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    • Perhaps you're living in the wrong country if their presences overwhelms yours. You're better suited to a multi cultural country instead.

  • This may sound hypocritical since I made something similar to this but I'm honestly tired of this now I'm not dark skinned but I still get guys even though I'm black so it's not hopeless and theirs a bunch of good looking dark skin women. If they don't like you screw em and move on.

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  • Fellow Viking! You are not doomed to eternal loneliness. You might be black (which doesn't matter) and I don't think you're ugly.

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  • With that attitude, yes you are. #SorryNotSorry

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  • You should not care what others think of you and I kind of understand where you are coming from. I am a black women and my first relationship ended months ago (I'm 21) lord knows how long its gonna be until I am in a new relationship :/

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  • Have you tried online dating?

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  • Hmm.. Myself and all the black women i know get hit on often. Speak for yourself luv.

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