Why can't I seem to find a girlfriend when others make it seem so easy?/Dating profile review?

I need honest answers once and for all! Its something I've always wanted yet no girls date me for more than a few weeks. They dont text me at all, or show interest besides on the date, they will hold hands and kiss though. I've gotten plenty of dates from online and online only. Girls dont approach me in public, so thats not an option. I grew up with self image issues because of the way i was treated by girls in highschool and college so dating isn't easy for me. I still have a lot of fears just being around girls. I did get my first date when i was 24 but later she said she just went out to be nice. I got my first kiss when i was 25 though but that was only because she asked me. (She later tore me apart anyhow) Should I be doing something different with the girls I date? Im afraid because this happened so late in my life i am unable to learn "the language" of dating. People tell me to lower my standards and I have, I dont know how much lower I can go though. People get dates and even have sex with girls they just met, how does this even happen? (Not that sex is the only thing of course, but come on). I will post my dating profile so I need some feedback and honest opinions on what maybe I should change or do better. Girls would I be date-able to you? Something has to be the problem...

www.okcupid.com/.../Corsair427?cf=search_overlay


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Most Helpful Girl

  • So in terms of the profile, it reads like a resume. Especially the first part, it doesn't really show your personality... it seems very much like what you think women would want to hear and less like a real person. The What I'm really good at part, is too vague and quite serious sounding... You seem to take yourself too seriously.
    ... warm summer nights, starlit skies... is cheesy, and seriously the human condition, seriously...
    Basically it's too much of you trying to be deep and explain the essence of who you are on a page.
    So my tips for the page are to 1. Keep it light, even your picture is serious looking. 2. Try to put your sense of humor in it rather than just writing that you're sarcastic. 3. Be specific with things, don't just say you're good at music and history...
    Like as an example, things i'm really good at: Predicting the endings of horror movies, making a vegan cheesecake that tastes better than the real thing and misquoting the lyrics to most if not all songs.
    Also 4. sometimes being a little self deprecating can help.
    5. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. I was the same, a really really late bloomer, had my first date at 25. Now i'm in a great relationship and really happy, but i had to not take it too seriously and learn that instead of trying to make it an objective or all about completing the task, i should instead see dating as just meeting new people and a fun experience. Simply put a way to have fun, that attitude really helped me out.

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What Girls Said 25

  • I don't see anything wrong with your profile (other than minor grammatical errors). Only thing I would point out is you seem a bit too serious and pensive. Maybe relax a little and don't talk so much about learning and discovering. Girls love an intelligent man, but we need to be able to relax and have fun with you!

    What kinds of first messages do you send?

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    • "Maybe relax a little and don't talk so much about learning and discovering."

      that made me lol a little tbh. If a guy stating that he loves to discover and learn new things is a turn off to a girl, I'm even more in favour of him leaving it on his profile as a sort of filter. Why would any guy want a girl who is turned off by those two things? Besides, that's not all he talked about. There was a bit about his love of comedy, sarcasm and music.

    • True haha, this could just be personal preference. I once dated a guy who was way too serious, it was ridiculous. So it's sort of been a turn off for me ever since. Maybe some girls are into that though.

    • I kinda agree with the girl here, he seems a little too serious.

  • Instead of scoring a date, why don't you have a good convo first before you actually set a date? Then you know you're not gonna waste anymore time on these shallow girls.

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    • I think you revealed too much of your job in profile. Don't use that. I think this is why all the girls were able to take advantage of you for a date. Did you pay for them?

    • Well the girls on those sites get hundreds of messages a day and most guys I know would do a lot better at conversing in person and not texting.

  • You look like a great guy. Great people are in short supply.

    I think you will eventually find someone special and she'll be worth the wait. You seem like the type of guy who'd be good marriage material and have a lasting relationship.

    Chin up, stay strong. You have a lot going for you.

    If you can't wait: try joining clubs/societies centred around things you like. Approach women in these things.

    Most of all: improve your confidence. Remind yourself on a daily basis you're a great catch and women should be happy to find a guy like you.

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  • You are asking where is the problem, but you have already told it by yourself- unconfidence. You are a good- looking, serious guy, but your anxiety to girls is probably well- seen on dates and that is what makes them to pull back. Shy, discouraged man makes an impression like he is weak, every girl dreams about a man- wall, a saviour. Shyness is girly. You have to have a sense of humor too. Too much of seriousness is called boredom and also, it is scientifically proved that laugh makes people closer. That's probably the main tools a man should have to break through ices to girls heart.
    Also, I think you should put some smiles in your dating profile descriptions, it would make your words more familiar, not that much official, because some parts remind me of a CV extracts.. If you'll write into the final part "Don't be afraid to write I don't bite... just slightly into a neck. :P" you will show you are playful, fun, easy- going. I also recommend to upload a photo with a smile on your face. :)
    Wishing you to find your significant one soon. :)

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    • Nice, this answers everything :)

    • Oh, I haven't noticed there are photos where you are smiling. In your place I would change a profile photo into that one where you are with a blue T- shirt. ;)

  • Women can sense your lack of confidence in yourself and your lack of confidence from your minimal dating in the past. Many girls will not attempt to approach you if you seem uncomfortable with this yourself. Also many women just have a rule they won't approach the man first because it may come off as "too forward" or "desperate" in some way as unfair as that is. You need to learn to be confident in what you have and stop wondering if you're not good enough for a girl, because your problem is not that there is something wrong with you, your problem is you are so unconfident and undermine yourself that you send out the wrong signal. So man up and start a conversation with some of the women in your life and try getting some numbers while you believe in yourself. Don't just think about scoring on a night out because no one is going to go for you with this attitude.

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    • This is so true... I think this is what's happening with my ex as well.. like I think she's picking up on my neediness, clingy, desperateness and lack of confidence.. and that's making her not even want to talk to me even as a friend... girls seem to do have senses like this

  • Based on your profile alone, it's fairly good.
    Apart from "I like deep conversations". That's just asking for eyes to be rolled.

    I've never done online dating but I think it's one of those things you put up to get yourself out there, but you don't rely on it. You go out with your friends you meet women. If you come home to a message, great. If you've had nowhere to go and a bored night, it's great. But you shouldn't use it as your only way to get women.

    Never change yourself. Never change your standards - everyone has core standards and then standards that are a bonus. You need to change your attitude and your approach, but not yourself.

    Good luck.

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  • Your profile is fine. It shows confidence, class, intelligence, and a variety of your interests. You're a handsome guy.

    I think the setback is that you come across as not confident and then during the dating process you probably share your feelings a little too much to these women. This, unfortunately, can be seen as being overly sensitive, clingy, or a doormat. As much as women say they want their men to be emotionally open and available, most women still want their men to have a slight emotional barrier toward them. Tell them you miss them and like them on rare occasions. You seem to have a good heart and the right idea about what dating should be like, but unfortunately, most women eventually lose interest in a guy that seems like an open book.

    Women are obviously attracted to you if they kissed you and held your hand while on dates with you. I know it's easier said than done, but build up your confidence a little and don't be an open book to them. Let the women wonder about you. Have a little air of mystery to you. Let them be curious about how much you like them.

    Hope this helps.

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  • Maybe try to be a bit more relaxed and try not to let your insecurities about your self image show. When you wrote your dating profile it seemed a bit stiff , passionate but stiff. I really enjoyed hearing how passionate you were about your interests and you seem like a good guy. There's not really anything wrong with you so other than those 2 things I don't really see why a girl wouldn't date you unless you had some kind of mental issue which you don't appear to have. As for your standards , don't lower them unless there's a major need to. by the way not all women are going to reject you forever so be confident with dating. How you date is your desigion and everyone has their own " dating language " eventually you'll find a women that truly likes you and accepts your morals so keep on searching and don't give up. Sorry if this advice sounds stupid cause I'm 17 but Good luck.

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  • Well I would date you, judging by your profile. I don't see anything wrong with it really. You're attractive, have a good job

    I think the approaching and getting approached thing in public is hard for a lot of people. I know plenty of girls who are in the same situation, who only ever got dates online. And they've also had no luck online, but I mean if that works for you, stick with it

    If you have trouble talking to girls, that is something you need to work on. Try talking to girls who get paid to do so, like a waitress or cashier. And then just try to have friendly conversations with people, not necessarily thinking about a date
    I know a few guys who hook up with girls or are generally always popular and they are usually very charming and make you feel desired and secure. That's the "secret "

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    • "... and they are usually very charming and make you feel desired and secure. That's the "secret ""

      Wouldn't that boost the girl's self value? Raise her standards and so on, making it harder for the guy.

    • @Bysshe I'm not good at explaining it I guess, point is they make you feel good and we are drawn to people that makes us feel good.
      One night stand do boost the self value of most girls, at least for that night

  • Ignore all the people telling you to be 'manlier' and 'the protector' and crap. Be yourself. There are so many people out there, and they all want different things, and I guarantee you there are plenty of people who would find you great and a wonderful person to date and you don't need to be some macho beef-head to meet someone who'll like you.

    I would start by finding people who share your passions, because then those people will truly be interested in what you have to say and they'll enjoy talking to you more. If you're passionate about planes, see if you can find any fellow pilots. You could also join a club for one of your interests and meet people there. You might also need to get out of your comfort zone a little and try something new. Take a class and see who you meet there maybe!

    And the most important thing to remember is not to let your insecurities drive you. You don't NEED to be in a relationship, and not being in one doesn't say anything bad about you, so let yourself relax and have fun. It will make the people you're with feel more relaxed too, and if they feel natural around you they'll want to hang out with you more.

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  • Your profile is fine. The one thing I would critique is your photo... there is something ridiculous I find about someone looking at something "in the distance" and also you have a suit on... its way too formal.. its not a job interview.. a girl would like to imagine you both spending time with one another casually, on a day to day basis and that suit doesn't exactly portray the "comfortable" free/relaxed type. You seem uptight.. take another photo and maybe smile a bit.. you don't actually seem inviting at all..

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    • I have to admit, I did get CV (or for yanks, resume), vibes from the get go.

  • Just be yourself babe, just because you haven't found the right girl yet doesn't mean you won't! These things take time and chemistry and patience. It will happen and when it does it will be special. There is some girl out there right now asking and wondering why she can't find the right guy, a guy just like you! There are 7 billion people on this planet, the right person just hasn't come around yet. Some people are lucky and find them early on, some people have to wait it out a bit but trust me it is ALWAYS worth the wait. There is NOTHING wrong with you, please please never ever think that there is! Love happens when you least expect it and usually when you're not even looking for it

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  • My opinion is, don't expect anything at first. When you meet someone, make sure to spend enough time to get to know them. Show attention, appreciation, girls like to feel appreciated and listened to. Be there for them, let let her know that she is liked and if she ever needs to share anything you are available. However, be careful with that, so you don't make yourself look like a miserable fool who is obsessive. When you see that you're getting a positive feedback and she seems interested in you, continue in the same way but let her know what your views on relationships are (that is after some time, not immediately after the first date). And most importantly never give up, you seem like a nice person and eventually everyone meets someone but in the meantime don't start behaving rudely, even if someone tells you that girls like ''bad boys''. The bottom line is, every girl wants a kind, reliable partner so as long as you show that you can be trusted, I don't think you'll have a problem. Good luck.

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  • Here try this instead.
    If you have a crush on someone you truly have feelings for take the events slow get to know her. And start out small and simple she will appreciate the small and simple things you do for her. Find a person that has similar interest as you. Ha just made myself laugh this is coming from a moderate Tomboy.

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  • Don't lower your standards unless all you want are hookups.

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  • I don't have a ton to say regarding your profile in terms of anything to change since I've never done online dating. But you sound like a cool, laid back guy. I am sorry about you being hurt by women in the past :(

    But not all women are jerks :)

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  • Relax. And take out sarcastic, a lot of people find it rude and annoying. Some people find it funny but I'd take it out of your bio.

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  • Awwww. You're my type. I'd def shoot you a line if I lived in the US/Penn.

    Sounds like you just have bad luck lmao.

    What do your messages usually sound like? Maybe you come off as weird via PM.

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  • You are good looking, maybe you show a lack of self confidence. It's really important for girls to be sure to be with a "protector", someone strong. So if you show confidence it will work better, I know it's easy to say but I think it's the key

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  • Maybe they are intimidated because you are cute.

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  • Hi,
    I don't think that you should lower your standards at all. There is nothing wrong with not settling.
    Are you waiting for the female to make the first move or show a little bit of interest before you pursue? If so, I think that you should try to be a little bit more assertive and a little flirtatious.
    You seem like a good guy and rushing into sex with a woman on the first date doesn't mean you're appealing, it's a show off among other guys.
    I understand you may get a little lonely because you don't have anyone at the moment, but it's best to have a peace of mind with no drama instead of someone on your arm who is causing chaos, only because you would like to have someone, ya know.
    Just be patient, she will appear.

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  • You are really handsome... I would be so flattered and swooned if a guy like you approached me in public, and I am seriously not ugly or fat at all, I would totally date you if I am still in my 20s. You just need to assume she likes you, if she agrees to go on a date with you, it means she likes you, otherwise why would she go on a date with you.

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    • That's genius advice. Many guys overthink. It helped me so much just to assume she adores me (whether she may or may not) and take it from there.

  • Because in your spare time you sit here and you bog down your head with this, stop looking for one and concentrate on improving other areas of your life, you won't notice how fast you'll get one.

    And dont be afraid, so what if she rejects you/is mean to you? Yes it may be disheartening but trust me (really do trust me I've done it before) you get over the embarassment and then you feel proud of yourself for actually making a move -- dont be a coward, take a risk, whats the worst that can happen? Let go of your ego and jump right in

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  • I always wondered why making "friends" is hard when others make them so easy..
    Gosh darnit..

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What Guys Said 39

  • The biggest key to online dating is to not waste time messaging back and forth. If a woman messages you or replies to your message, that means she is definitely interested in you. Women get way too many messages online to bother messaging people they aren't interested in. If a woman messages me or replies to me I will simply reply back with something playful, give her my number, and tell her call me and let me know an evening she's free to go out and have some fun. When she calls or texts me I make the date. Always works because, like I said, if a woman messages you she's definitely interested.

    Sounds like your biggest problem is dating. A man must be a leader in the relationship, especially when it comes to romance. You need to be able to read a woman's signals. For example, if she's giggling and touching you, even if it seems by accident, the she wants you to touch her and probably kiss her. If you wait too long she'll think you're not man enough to do it.

    NEVER chase a woman. Chasing is a woman's job in the relationship and what makes them most attracted to you. That's why "bad boys" get the ladies because women like to chase. Think of it like a game. Games are boring if they're too easy and boring if they're too hard. Don't make it too easy for a woman to get a date with you, but don't make it too hard either.

    You should never be initiating contact with a woman more than once a week. Initiating contact a woman more often than that will never help you increase her attraction to you, because initiating contact frequently is feminine behavior. If a woman isn't attracted enough to you to go on a second date the way to increase her attraction is to let her chase you, and if she is attracted to you she will be contacting you and that will be your chance to make the next date. A woman with a high level of attraction to you will contact you multiple times daily, so they'll never be a need for you to initiate contact anyway.

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    • This is what I needed to know. Pretty much every time I've been successive has been because of this formula I just hadn't put it together.

    • women only chase to those who are attractive... it doesn't apply to an ugly guy like me

  • The problem is in your confidence/low self esteem. Trust me, your profile looks good and you're decently handsome. Just work on your confidence. I'l give you good tips how to work on it because i was once in a similar place to yours.

    You cannot become confident if you are not satisfied with yourself. Right now there are things that you do not like about yourself, things that you HATE about yourself. That's why you are NOT confident.

    What you need to do solve your un-satisfaction with yourself first then confidence will come alone. So just ask yourself and answer it honestly; what do you not like about yourself, what's that thing that you have that is making you hate yourself? Then start fixing it.

    One of the things i used to hate about myself is that i was WEAK and never stood up for myself (I REALLLLLLY hated that), i used to be tooo scared to standup for myself. I decided to fix that and work on it, i started working out and getting myself stronger and i promised myself that i will never be silent again no matter how scared i was (I have to face my fear or else i won't improve). I also used to be very scared to approach girls, so i decided to fix that too and forced myself to talk with girls and ask them out no matter how scared and embarrassing i would be.
    Once i started working on those 2 things i hated about myself i was waay more satisfied with myself and i was proud to actually do something about it.
    Now, thank god, my confidence and self esteem is pretttty high. But i still need to work more on myself.

    Hope this helps you, good luck. Always improve yourself.

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  • My gut is your profile is pretty decent.

    I would maybe drop the things you don't like and just stick with those you do.

    First couple pics are good maybe swap a later one for a pic with you relaxing with friends. Girls are more worried then guys are that guys online will be a psycho. Psychos often have no friends so showing you have them is a plus.

    The guy I know who had the most success by far online dating:
    - used paid rather than free sites to help filter out the many people on free sites looking for self esteem boosts not an actual date
    - would message perhaps 10 women a night asking to meet for coffee or a drink in message 1.

    Maybe 1 in 10 of those (on a paid site!) lead to a first date - but that was still like 5-10 first dates a week. Of those he'd gave maybe 3 second dates (along with another 5 first dates) the next week and 1 in 3 second dates maybe a third date at which point they'd start dating as a couple or not. By the end of the month he's had like 30 first dates a few third dates chosen someone who chose him and closed off his dating profile.

    Fortune favours the bold.

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  • You know what the ratio of girls to guys is on most non-exclusive dating sites?
    Between 1-4 and 1-20, roughly.

    And you are surprised you aren't getting anywhere?

    Off the computer and into the streets, or someplace else you can meet REAL people where your odds are better, since you'll be FACING a real girl and it will 1:1!

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  • Nothing wrong with being serious minded. If all these girls leave you after a few weeks though.. then it could be something that your doing and you probably don't realize it. Your probably a nice guy but don't be that guy that let's women walk all over them. The wrong girls will just take advantage of you, get bored then leave you. The right girls will appreciate your kindness and like you for you. So you maybe the wrong guy for the type of girls you tend to go for. Always be yourself and if the women your with can't appreciate you because your too serious or boring or whatever the hell it may be that there likely very shallow. Especially if they won't even confront you about it. Just keep dating. Stop comparing yourself to others, it's useless. You'll find the right girl.

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  • Stop believing all the bs that society likes to throw out there. There is no language or rules of dating. Women do not have any kind of special languages or codes, they are human beings. It's just about being yourself and if there's chemistry there is and if not then you shouldn't take it so personal. I have been where you are at today and I can tell you from experience that the key is to stop trying and just focus on yourself, your goals, your plans and just living your life and being happy. Woman can smell desperation and insecurity a mile away and it's not attractive. A man that is sure of himself and confident is what is sexy and attractive and who is going to get the attention of the ladies. When you are confident and sure of yourself you will not need to find them, they will come to you, once again I know this from experience. Check out my takes for more information on this.

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  • First of all, I'd probably take out the part about casual dating. Either leave that lart out, or make it clear that you are looking for something more serious. Overall, i think you have revealed some things about yourself that should be saved for the date. Ask the girls about themselves and listen well, but don't talk about yourself too much. If they already know too much about you (especiall before you even go on the date) it takes away from the element of mystery. Girls like it when they can find out new, small bits and pieces about you over a long period of time and over many dates.

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  • Bro, I could turn you into that which you think you want to be in relative short order. You have a few easy fixes and a few that will take a few work, but the good thing is that none of your "problems" (and I hate using that word-- because they're more like "self-perceived problems"), are what I'd consider "terminal". You have more going on than you give yourself credit for. That said, Shoot me a follow/message-- 2'000 characters are not enough to lay it down. I can help you, because I know where you're coming from.

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  • Girls rarely ever approach anyone in publ;ic, thats your job unfortunately.

    " Girls would I be date-able to you?"
    This really isn't a question to be asked here.

    Girls on dating sites get attention from losers who put them on a pedestal and make them think they're a lot more important than they really are, they get hundreds or thousands of messages a day even if they're just average. So they dont put in much effort, reply selectively, date multiple guys at once and dont really care if it doesn't workout with you.

    So girls on here will say ERMAGHERD I WOULD, plus people on here always rate people minimum 7/10 on rate me things.

    So only red flag I saw was:
    "I love all kinds except rap."

    Girls on dating sites are shopping from a crazy wide selection, so the tiniest flaw in your conversation or profile will be a skip.

    Most girls these days listen to rap and top 40 shit.
    "I listen to all kinds of music but mostly : ____
    " would be better.

    Also dont go on movie dates, you really can't get to know them or talk, especially if it's late, they most likely just want to go home after.

    My most successful ones have been at my house watching movies and cuddling up n shit, or out for a drive/walk. I find coffee dates and shit kinda weird, I drink it in the morning when im working, thats about it.

    SO a few things you need to make use of:
    Confidence
    Mystery
    Be somewhat hard to get.
    Dynamic

    So confidence and cocky arrogant assholes are kind of hard to distinguish for girls. They seem to go for both, some cocky guys are pretty funny most of the time. They also get people riled up and excited for whatever.

    Girls like confidence and dynamic guys, who can be spontaneous and do spontaneous things. Also mystery and playing hard to get are pretty key.

    Dont answer a question with a full response, give them kind of half that leaves a bit of mystery, without being an asshole about it. Also don't show too much interest or too many compliments, especially on dating sites.

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    • Think of trying to buy something, then you offer them 200$ and they throw it in your hands and snatch the money out of your hand immediately. IT shows waaaaay too much interest, showing that you're getting greatly ripped off, the same is true if you come on too strong.

      Which is another annoying thing because Im not going to waste my time messaging and learning about a girl for 1-2 weeks if she isn't going to want to even meet up.

  • I read your dating profile first. I thought "he is too perfect" literally. TOO perfect. Your profile is every womans dream. To me it sounded fake.

    Now reading your story here.
    You have confidence issues towards women. This is the exact opposite of the dating profile. Even though you may not realize it, the lack of confidence, towards women could be showing through.
    The women will see this. It's not a good attribute. Therefore the women leave.

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    • I can't go back and fix how i was treated. They were the ones that treated me as such! I was basically told i was no good nor do i deserve a girl my entire teenage and early adult years. The most important social aspect of a humans life. I can't just erase that. All this time I thought it was my looks. I honestly had resigned myself at that factor.

    • It's not your looks. You're not a bad looking guy.
      I understand about the treatment from women. I went through the same thing.

      You might want to try this book. My therapist recommended it for me, and it has helped.

      www.amazon.com/.../191-0711096-4864916

    • I like that! I have to give that book a try

  • Perhaps you need to work on your approachability...

    Based on the above, it seems you think that women just flock to guys, that its just automatic for everyone!

    If that were only true.. you need to be somewhat forward in life. Women like a little aggression... not so much that its like whoa... back off dude.

    But they like for a guy to show them your interested.

    The thought about lowering your standards... I have never believed. Just keep trying and you will succeed someday.

    The type of girl that you want to keep around are not the type that sleep with you the first night and blow you off though... set your standards higher and find someone that will become your best friend in life.

    You will get more enjoyment out of that scenario.

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  • Dont listen to these other douche bags that have posted their opinions, listen to mine and you shall succeed.

    1. Make sure your style is at its max.
    2. Get a manly hobby (besides fly (not sarcasm)) like woodworking, sailing, or trap shooting.
    4. Get an activity that will take you places.
    - Ex. Mountain climbing, backpacking, sea-kayaking, cross country cycling, sailing, canoeing etc.
    5. Explore the world and gather experiences and stories to tell others and your grandchildren.
    - Examples of really cool ones you could do with a love for flying:
    a) Fly from Australia to India landing on the mysterious south pacific islands along the way.
    b) Fly the himalayas
    c) Fly from the tip of south Am to the most northern airport in north Am.
    d) Fly across america.
    - These are just suggestions to get you imagination goin'
    6. Delete your online dating profile.

    Now im not saying you need to do all these things because some of them can cost a lot of money, im just saying that life is about experiences and adventure. Others value people that are well traveled.

    - Side note- if you haven't seen "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty" than you should see it. Its a little corny but the ending is pretty awesome.

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    • What a wise 17 year old

    • Not sure if that was sarcasm. If it wasn't than thanks. If it was then i guess your just a 2/3. (eluding to the fact that only 1/3 of the population will rise to higher wealth and success than they already have.)

  • Ok, this is hard for you to learn but the answer is to " MAN UP "
    You need to be incharge of your life. You need to be the man in your life.
    Yes there are many things a girl likes in a man. Talk to her as a person. Same likes. Exc...
    However the foundation of you must me a MAN.
    I am sure there are sights that explane this better then i could ever do. Do a search on how to MAN UP. This does no give you cause to be a arse. It is just how to live as a man..
    Be the man in your life!! It is best you learn this on your own first. Then you can lead others..

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  • a lot of the female responses here are so far off base lol. I think they missed the part where you said that you get plenty of dates just fine, so obviously your profile is working. I see nothing wrong with it really. The problem is obviously your actual dating skills. My guess is that you need to show more of your personality on these dates, more of your exciting and intellectually stimulating side. You've gotta challenge her, and make her feel sexy.

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  • You have said that you grew up with self esteem issues because of the way you were treated by girls during high school and college. I'm under the impression that you feel inhibited and/or cautious in your interactions, looking for signs that relate to those previous negative experiences.
    Perhaps try instead to be aware of these thoughts, acknowledge them, let them go and think of something else.
    This isn't a quick fix but instead something that will help to not let those thoughts influence your interactions.

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  • I'll look at your profile and comment on that but at first blush I am left wondering why YOU don't approach girls? You say girls don't approach you in public so "that is not an option." WHAT? Seriously? YOU should be approaching THEM!

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    • Yep the only time girls have ever approached any guy I knew is when we were overseas and that's because they wanted a foreigner for sex or money. The approach is a test that women use to weed out unconfident men it works evolutionary to help them select the best mate. They simply are not designed to do it.

  • Let me reveal to you the 3 pillar of truth : The thing that all women want and need in order to stay interested in you :

    1. Confident
    2. Control
    3. Challenge

    I'm not gonna go over in extreme detail for each of these pillar, but you must show confident, take control and lead, and be a challenge.

    You are lacking in confident, mainly self-esteem. Work on that shit.

    In your profile you say you like women to take the lead which is a big NO, despite what women say, they love for a guy to take charge!

    The last thing is be a challenge, learn to say no and don't put her on the pedestal and submit to her every whim. Let her chase you! Don't chase her too much (aka being needy and look desperate)

    Wish you the best! Good luck.

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    • I get all those and have studied each one, but they still dont work, I do admit my past is keeping back but dont know how to control it. I just have this underlying fear of being around a girl because Im afraid she looks at me like those girls in highschool did. I feel her looking at me as a lower individual who doesn't deserve her. I can hear those girls laughing in my head. This isn't something easy to control.

      With the control aspect I dont want to come off as one of their overly controlling x-boyfriends or a rapist.

      I present a challenge by letting them text me, so If i text her something or she doesn't initiate me then I let it go completely and never contact them again. Thats why I've been through 10 girls in 6 months.

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    • Only her interest level matter, not your. When her interest level was high, she was chasing you (texting you saying she miss you blah blah) At some point, I don't know what you did, but her interest level were lower and lower and lower and lower to the point of you texting her telling that you want to see her again were enough for her to call you clingy/needy/too attached and cut off the relation ship permanently.

      At least now you learn not to be so clingy i hope, but there still a lot more to know about being a challenge.

    • Again I want to stress how great our last date went, I held her in front of her house and kissed her for the last time. She even texted me that night. A week went by and I hadn't heard from her, I saaw posts on Facebook such as "all guys are like my ex, you can't trust them, they are all assholes" I texted her asking her if she was okay and that I was still interested. That is when she went on her big rant. I know im off topic but that summer still haunts me, No one knows why she did that to me. I actually have the whole story posted elsewhere if you want to take a look, and see for yourself just what went down. Its long, not saying you have to but in case your interested. It still baffles me to this day. She was the greatest thing in my life and I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye. www.loveshack.org/.../514989-i-just-need-answers-what-her-motive-how-find-closure

  • You seem to have the same problem my roommate/landlord has.

    He's tall, Polish (that), has a nice car (SLR AMG Benz), has a nice house (the one I'm currently leased with), and for the most part seemed soundly charming.

    One night I got to drinking with him and the chick he was seeing. For some fucking reason she still seemed to think my landlord wasn't the best she could do.

    I thought in my head, "what the fuck?"

    My point is, the problem could be with the babes you're seeing (that they suck) and not you, my man.

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  • Need to have more confidence. Have confidence in other aspects and it will come with girls too. You come off as taking things seriously a lot of the time. Just be more laid back and you will attract women like nobody's business lol

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  • That doesn't mean you're stupid or crazy or whatever... do you know what's dating is, a lot of people doesn't know...
    People like you are unique, that it's hard to find someone like you, or someone to share with em what you like..
    And those who tell you to lower your standards.. who are they to tell you lower it...
    if you really want to date girls you like or attractive to... you have to get your own charisma.. personality...
    Don't date to show, date to share and connect
    And do you know what fails the relationships... is sex... more earlier sex more failure...
    ... the point is, get your own personality

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  • First of all many of the profiles on dating sites are retired/fake. That being the case, my advice is stay away from online dating n e way, but that's just my preference. Now, with dealing with dating in the real world; I'm a handsome guy... like really handsome and women don't approach me either. I'll usually roll on a girl and introduce myself, tell her something I like about her (hair, eyes , smile) and then ask her if she's seeing anyone. Depending on her response there are other things I say, but that's not important. Don't worry about ur fears, so ur scared, so what? Just talk n e way, it won't kill u. Finally I leave u with this cryptic piece of Intel- 2GTS look into it. Its worth the money.

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  • By your profile you seem like a guy who can definitely pull his own weight and then some.

    I'm gonna take a blind stab and guess that you are the kind of guy that can't switch off. You know, take the edge off, relax. I really can't think of anything else.

    I don't like such girls, either, who can't slow down and make a pit stop. Sure, we hang out, but at some point something just feels out of place - too pushy, too serious, too I-dont-even-know-wth, but I'm not really interested in sticking around long enough to become her teddy bear -.- . Then there are the girls who are just... completely devoid any sense of responsibility - another kind of disaster.

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    • so what do i do about it?

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    • I dont know, thats just very strage to me. Id rather know two people liked each other than play guessing games. I want to hear from her too that she likes me. Not confusing games. Ill be flying 80 passengers around, thats enough stress to deal with, I dont want to be sitting there on a flight worrying about weather or not someone likes me or if she's going to use me like the last one. Not my cup of tea.

    • Don't stress man. Life is a game. Revealing your hand puts you at a disadvantage. You can try to rationalize it to the best of your ability but there is no dream world where people proclaim thier feelings the instant they feel them. As much as I hate the concept, you will be judged by others for being a doormat.

  • well we do have the same problem bro... i wish i could help you but i do really need help like you... well as for me i'm aware that girls are not simply attracted to me, i'm preparing myself for the worst... and i just dont really care if i get a gf or not... as i get older i dont really understand what romantic love is as i never have a gf in my entire life i'm 22 if you must know... i appreciate woman's beauty but love or having a crush... i dont know i feel like i gave up on women

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  • I had a look mate. The only two things I can think of is women may be intimidated by howbdriven you are and maybe the red hair. I'm a red head too and it sucks. I was lucky to meet my wife young though. On the things you can't do without , try removing the soppy stuff and putting things like "my phone, my car, coffee (if you drink it) "
    Things like that. Apart from aviation, you haven't really listed any hobbies. Just tweak it a little. You'll find someone.

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  • Just play it cool, don't be too clingy, work on your goals, try to hook up with girls in person and not over the net, be mysterious

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  • it seems more like the girls are leaving you because you dont take the reigns and let them walk all over you. try to be more assertive women like that.

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  • I think the problem is that you look like a nice guy, too respectable, too mature, no edgeyness. The girls that will be interested are under 25, they just wanna have fun, they don't wanna hear all this talk about your pilot job or deep convos

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  • You sound like a really cool guy, can't believe you're not surrounded by women.

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