Guys never commit to me, they act like they want it but back out (every single time). Help?

So whenever I meet a guy I like, things are going great. We are messaging, meeting up, getting close, flirting, he pursues, little games to keep the chase, we start sharing more personal things etc. Then, whenever it can take a turn, they don't want to commit. I'm getting tired of this. They aren't even assholes, they just don't want to commit and it makes me wonder how my friends get guys so easily (some even have players) to commit to them and take the relationship further. Mine crash and die every single time. I don't even push for anything but I do make it clear that I don't mess around and they are fine with it. So we date and see and when things get real, I ask so what do you want from this? I don't even put pressure and they always say it isn't what they wanted. These are the ones I got reasonable close to, lets not start on the less serious ones...


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Most Helpful Guy

  • My gut is you're giving these guys too long and not pushing enough.

    Not that they would have committed if you had.

    It's just that trying to coax commitmentphobes into taking the FIRST step in a relationship is a complete waste of time.

    Date guys who want a girlfriend, and throw the rest back in the pond ASAP, no matter how much you may find each other fun and attractive.

    Beyond that, guys your age are MUCH more likely to be dating multiple women if they're in demand. That's fine, you could be dating multiple guys too. But if they're going on past date 3 and can't decide, move on.

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    • I think you're right, that I give them too long and don't push enough. This is because my guy friends said I shouldn't scare them with anything and let them get into it themselves. And pushing enough? I wouldn't know how to. These guys say they want something serious but they always back out, even when they say they love me... its so complicated...

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    • What age guys are you dating?

    • well I'm 26, mostly guys 1-3 years older

What Guys Said 3

  • Doubtlessly, there is something each one is put off by. It could be physical. You're not his type, he's not physically attracted enough to you, you smoke, or have bad teeth, or have children, or you're too outspoken, or talk too much, or don't share the same beliefs and world view as he does, or you are a feminist. Or, he could think you are too "loose" (not saying you are at all, just giving examples of my past experiences). It is very hard to tell someone the truth about whatever the "thing" is, lest he hurt your feelings (which it probably would). One of these days a guy will come along who is interested in a relationship as much as you are.

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    • I know what you mean, I am actually the kind of girl who gets a lot of attention and is usually quite popular.. but i don't like too much attention so I like to stay in the background a little, I guess I'm a little shy. But I'm the fun witty one in our group. Thing is, there are a billion reasons as to why a guy wouldn't want to be with a girl but don't we see all kind of couples together in our daily life? Thats why I stay a little open-minded but somehow.. never works out for me... meaning they probably just don't like me. I have asked my friends and they say nothing is wrong, my closest guy friends even. I have also asked the guys but they probably wouldn't tell me. But who says a guy will come alone? If I didn't manage the past 10 years.. I may never find anyone.

    • I'm so sorry to hear that. I know how hard it it. I haven't so much as had a date with a girl in over 8 years.

  • i think it is just a simple case of you have been a bit unlucky with the guys that you have met so far.

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    • How do girls get guys to commit to them? They sometimes get non-commital guys to commit. I think guys just don't like me enough, don't understand why they bother in the first place... why waste anyone's time

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    • I don't sleep with anyone unless im in a relationship. I need that trust and stability. One reason being, as a woman... I have the chance of getting pregnant so if something happens, I need to know he will be there. But I don't select based on that... just I dont have sex unless there is some trust and bond there.

    • this is a hard one and really hard to give a proper answer when i do not know you or the guys you were dating, the only advice i can give is to not give up and don't blame yourself so much, just because things do not work in a relationship doesn't mean there is something wrong on your side of things,

  • Yeahs thats just us alpha males

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    • Really? Hardly what I consider manly...

What Girls Said 2

  • How long in before you try to define the relationship? Is it possible you are moving too fast to try to get a commitment? Could be they take a more "casual and see where it goes" thought while you are thinking you don't want to waste time on someone who isn't ready to get more serious. I know the timing seems perfect to us, very natural next step, but the guys have a different time line. Each guy has a different time line as well.

    Try just going with the flow without worrying about "what are we.". Yes, it does suck but in many ways, we are still victims of the male mindset in the dating game.

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    • I do that... which leads me to this. I don't think I would act so casual next time.. I usually enjoy a guy's company and see where it goes. We have a good time and sometimes for a while, sometimes not so long. I try to pace it according to how fast we go. If we meet every day, I'll try not to prioritize him but enjoy his company. If we don't meet often then I let it be. But at this point, I would just tell the guy that I am looking for someone who is serious.

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    • On a first date? I don't agree with that at all. A first date should just be about having fun and even seeing if you like the person at all. There is plenty of time for serious talk later. The biggest thing, is, that, you don't want to scare the guy off by making moves. It just doesn't work that way. Allow him in his own time.

    • Yeh I never say anything on the first few dates, but seriously. Giving guys time clearly hasn't worked for me...

  • Are you trying to define the relationship before you even had sex with him?

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    • yes, i dont have sex unless i know its going somewhere

    • It's good you at least wait until then. The sooner you have sex with a guy the stronger message you send that you are not interested in a relationship, and and really get around a lot.

    • Umm that's a bit old fashioned don't you think? And backwards. Why would a guy committ before knwing if you're sexually compatible?

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