How can I become better with women?

I’m not sure if it’s because of me being in my 30’s but I have become really bad with women. I hardly get any dates. I had terrible crush on someone. I’m doing better now. But to truly move on I feel I need to date again. I’ve never been good at dating but not like now.

My looks are average. A 6 on a normal day, a 7 if I put much effort in it. I’m blond and in good shape because I do sports. I can talk easily to men and women which is a skill needed in my bartending job. People tell me their life stories within minutes. Often people call me when they are in trouble and I will be glad to help them out even if I don’t know them well. At parties I blend in but I’m never the center of attention. My female and male friends like me.

Women seem to like me but there is always somebody or something beating me to the punch. Mostly to guys who seem like jerks and players. I’m a serious kinda romantic guy. When I (and other people) think a woman is into me it never gets to dating. I get to hear things like “I/she think (s) you are a player so I/she chose your friend”. Or I get flaking or very weird excuses. I try not to get excited when meeting an interesting woman because I feel I’m probably going to get disappointed again. Maybe I make women nervous? Bad luck maybe but I will not blame it on circumstances. So it’s me doing something wrong.

I tried online dating but I get no response at all. My friends also do not understand why this is happening. It used to not be so hard. I am a very hard working positive kind person but this has been going for years now. It made me very confused because I tried so many times. I really want this sorted to make a successful new start.

Any input would be welcome.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • This is going to sound super harsh, but it probably has a lot to do with the fact that you are in your 30s and a bartender - hence why they often seem to assume you're a player. Most men in the industry are players - they're there for the 'tang - so when you're in your 30s and still in the industry, that's the assumption a lot of women are going to jump to.

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    • Thank you for your input. I had a word with one of our DJ’s last week. He has problems finding women his own age (36). One of my female colleagues said that he should lie about him being a DJ. I would just feel too bad about lying.

    • I would never advocate lying, so I really don't have any advice for either of you, but I guess just be aware that your occupations are probably going to be obstacles to you meeting women at this age, especially if you are looking for something serious and to settle down.

      While I may have dated a bartender or DJ in my early twenties, I would not now. it's not just the assumptions that I make about guys in those occupations - players, a little immature, trying to stay young, etc - but also that at this age I'm looking for stability, both emotionally and financially. I have a good job and a stable career and I'm not looking for someone to depend on financially, but I AM looking for someone who won't depend on or leech off of me... Someone I can bring home to Mom and Dad as well who, I know, would not approve of me dating a bartender, bouncer or DJ.

    • I understand. Thank you for your honesty. It is appreciated.

What Girls Said 1

  • Sounds like you've just been unlucky. You sounds like a great guy :) maybe try a new scene, or join something which allows you to meet new people. Sports usually a good way and if you okay already even better :) keep your head up, you'll find her :)

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    • Thank for your kind words. It’s difficult because I to want to open my own club in a few years. I will try to stay as positive as I can be.

What Guys Said 5

  • Don't be desperate. Be confident and approach women. Girls are constantly analyzing you on everything so feel free to do the same. Avoid that whole mentality of, "I need to find someone." Just keep looking around and if she doesn't match you, move on. Girls like a little chase.

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  • There is a thing called practice.
    As harsh as it may sounds, you van always practice on wonen which you dont find attractive. Its a bit harsh, but you'll learn a lot of it.

    Can you answer my question please?www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1354543-i-am-very-very-shy-i-can-t-approach-this-girl-i-like

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    • I see your point. However I would feel terrible about playing with someone's emotions. I'll have look at your question

  • Try to get excited when meeting new women.

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    • Especially after my last crush I feel I shouldn't. It brings me down too much when I get another rejection. It has become my protection mechanism.
      It's so weird because 5 Years ago this would I would not think like that.

    • Well, stop it. It's bad for you.
      Start by aiming lower.

  • Your looking for the wrong thing. Get a motorbike. Then you'll understand true love

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  • Practice, practice, practice...

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