Do men have to pay the check at the first date?

Yesterday, I went on a date with an American girl in a restaurant and everything was fine. But after we said good-bye she couldn't get away quicker. It was somewhat inconvenient because that doesn't happen usually. Frankly, it wasn't really a date. It's just a nice meeting. We weren't flirting, just having a nice chat. Therefore, I didn't pay for the check. So is that the reason for her escape? Have I been impolite in any kind? I can live with it when she doesn't like me. But I'd be quiet concerned when I have acted like a total moron because I didn't mean to be impolite. I am from Denmark and just wondered if I clashed into a culture shock.

Many thanks in advance.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I had this same conversation with some girlfriends last week and two of them said that a guy is not worth it if he does not offer to pay the entire bill on a first date. -So some women feel that we should all play that little role of chivalrous man with dependent girl for the first few dates. Then we break out and the girl then begins to open her purse as the relationship continues. It is kind of funny how we dance through this little play in early relationships but I can see how a girl would take those actions wrong. I would try to give her a call and just bring it up. If she seems like a girl worth continuing to see, I would try to just talk about it. These kind of traditions are not really defined and intentions are never really communicated, especially when two people first meet. Good luck.

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What Girls Said 4

  • If you invite someone to eat, some people will expect you to pick up the check. Personally, if I go out to eat with a guy but don't consider it a date, I prefer to pay for my own meal. I am financially quite secure and I know that a lot of the guys I'm meeting for meals aren't. University students tend not to be. Even if it was a date, I wouldn't assume that the guy was going to pay unless it was about our third date or so. If the guy insists on paying, I always offer to pay the tip. I guess I have a more progressive attitude towards "going dutch" on a date than a lot of other girls.

    But it sounds like the girl you were with might have expected you to pay for her meal. I'd give her a call and apologize, explain the situation, and see what happens. I don't think you've done anything wrong, exactly, but some girls are sensitive about that sort of thing. Good luck!

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    • Many thanks to you all. Just to make things clear: I was invited and paid my portion as well as the tip. I didn't pay the entire bill because I thought it could make her feel inconvenient. But you're all right. I should give her a call.

  • In my opinion, whomever does the inviting should also do the paying. The person invited can offer to pay their portion OR pay the whole thing as a nice gesture.

    Again, that's just my opinion, but it DOES seem fair.

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  • If you invite someone to eat, it is customary that you also pick up the check and if she's nice, perhaps she can pay the tip. Since you're concerned about her, I'd call her and ask if she's ok.

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  • Yes the guy should pay the first date if he asked the girl out. After that, it doesn't matter. I don't mind paying but the first date if the guy expects me to pay I feel that he didn't like me enough to consider it a date.

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What Guys Said 4

  • On a first date I always pick up the tab, after that I may do so from time to time to be generous. However, I only pick up the tab on a first date if I intend to see the girl again, regardless of who asked who. If she's not worth a second date then she can jolley well pay for her own. I also do not pick up the tab if I notice the girl chooses to have the lobster and New York strip. Why? Because she is probably a gold digger to start, if she isn't then she is selfish and I'm just seeing the tip of the iceberg. If the girl doesn't like it and doesn't want to go out with me again, fine I don't care. There's plenty of women out there and the silent threat that you won't go out with me again because you think I'm, cheap or whatever doesn't matter to me. I don't need you. There's plenty of women out there, your not the only one on the planet. If I'm hanging out with a friend who happens to be a girl I never pay for the reasons of I asked her, or simply because she is a female. I may pick up the tab once in a blue moon as a show of generosity, but that's it. Because your female or I asked you doesn't qualify you for a free ride. Once again, don't like because of me not paying, fine my self-esteem is healthy enough that I don't need your approval/company/ect. I'm not that desperate. I never pay for my guy friends regardless if I asked them or not. The invitation is I want to hang out and do-X- if your interested, great come along, and if not, great I'll go and have a good time anyway, but my invitation gives you no entitlement to my financial resources. I will never pay strictly on the grounds that you are female. Why should I? Men and women are equal right? No sex is superior to the other right? So since were equal you have the equal right to pay your way in the world same as I do. Also some women use what I call sexploitation. They use the fact that they know your a male and want sex, and probably have little power to discipline yourself, so they make you pay on the grounds that if you don't they won't go out with you anymore and therefore won't be getting lad by them either. Fine, go. Sex is free. What makes your vigina/ass/mouth/skills so great? I can go to any bar in America and within 2 weeks I can have a one night stand. With the invention of internet sites like youporn, I can now also view porn to my heats content for free. Masturbation has always been free, and I can also go to swing clubs, and adult dating sites to find women who want only to have sex. What does that mean all you good diggers and women who use sexploitation? Your obsolete! I don't nor does any other man need you, or your manipulative ass. Men, wake up! Many, but not all women want their cake, want to eat it, and want you to pay for it. Don't be a sucker. She has the vagina so she makes the rules right? NO! If she doesn't want to see you because you didn't pay, she wasn't interested in you, but your wallet or getting compensated for her time.

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  • I always pay and I would never let her pay that's me even if she wanted to I can't afford it either but idc if I didn't have the money I wouldn't of asked you out and if she asks me out and I have no money at all ill tell her and be like ok but I have no money usually she will say she will pay

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  • With few exceptions, its just about always customary for a guy to pay the check for a meal on the first date. I've always thought that a gentleman should do this, anyway, for a girl. There's just something wrong about a girl paying on a date, until the guy and girl get to know each other well. Then, if the girl offers, the guy can let her pay. Until then, I think its customary for the guy to pay. Besides, who wants to look cheap, when you are starting to date someone?

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  • If you're the one who asked first, then yes.. You're responsible to pay for her.

    Other than that.. Over 90% of women think men should pay for the first date, and most still think.. they should pay for every other date..

    So there isn't a whole lot you can do.

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