I rejected my crush, TWICE! Oh my...What's next?

[Anonymous]

He joined our company sept2014 as parttime employee. November2014 he asked for my fb acct cos he'd be sending a document w/c I found weird, I said he could send it to my email instead. Then just 2 wks ago, there was an event and an opportunity for him to talk to me. Our convo is getting personal, and he asked for my number. But I didn't give instead I told him, he can just contact me through email, office phone or company cellphone. He's persistent in aksing for my number, then he said "let's hang out sometime". I said, ok since I have your number in our file, ill text u using my number. A week after, I rather called him using my number, asking him y would he want to get my number? He said he wants to go out with me, chill and hang out. I said, in a cute way, I do not go out with my co-worker.. so there.. But u can text me in this number"
A week and a half have passed and he didn't even call nor text me. What does this mean? He didn't make any effort. Was I a little hard to get? I was planning or calling him, to say "I didn't mean I don't want to go out with u, I just felt pressured when u asked me, so I regretted saying no to your invitation" is that right to say?
To make it complicated, I have a Fbuddy (yes u know what I mean) for 4 arse years now... like no commitment but we're kind of exclusive. I mean, I want to be inlove already. Our relationship is not going anywhere like what we've agreed before. Am I being b*tch now?
What do I do with my crushie.. I'm 28yo now, my crush is 29. My fbuddy is 39.
I'm torn..:-( help.

Updates

+1 y

Hey, I called him telling I'm bothered by the situation.. that he's not even talking to me wc doesn't look good to people surrounding us. Also told him, I'd really want to go out w him only if one of us is no longer connected w the company. He said he'd still want to take me out. And our conversation went through.. I'm gonna see what could happenby the end of this month. Thanks guys for the helpful inputs!!!

[ScruffyNerfHerder]

He would be smart not to ask you again. You weren't playing hard to get, you outright rejected him. To top it off, you are a coworker. This is not a normal dating situation. If he approached you again, you would have a strong case against him for sexual harassment--he doesn't know his advance was actually welcome (that's your fault). You explicitly told him no, so he has to go by that or he could mess up his career.

You could try sending him a message explaining things, that would be your best chance. But there are still a few problems. He may have moved on already. He may have decided your reasoning of not dating coworkers is sensible and is no longer open to the idea himself. And, if he were like me, he simply would not involve himself with someone so out of touch with their own feelings, particularly when their indecision could blow up in his face and cause him to lose his job.

Unfortunately, this situation may be one you just have to let go of and learn from.

[Asker]

But, he might be leaving the company end of this month.
Shall I call him to say sorry for rejecting him? And I still want to be friends with him despite of what I have said? He's been avoiding our department since the day I called him.

[ScruffyNerfHerder]

There are exceptions, but in general, guys don't like befriending women who rejected them romantically, doubly so when it's a girl he didn't have a strong connection with previously, further still when that girl is a coworker. Usually not an emotionally healthy decision. Also usually a distraction from meeting a woman who IS romantically interested.

If you find out he's definitely leaving, go ahead and try speaking to him, but you're fighting an uphill battle. Definitely don't say sorry if you do speak to him, nothing he would hate more than having someone trying to soothe his feelings on a rejection--just explain yourself, don't apologize.

[Asker]

Thanks. But can u be more specific? I don't want him to leave with the thought of "I hate this girl who rejected me". No apologies so how? Or what to say? Some of those who have seen us talking to each other are teasing me that we have a spark. They don't know I already rejected him.
I don't want to end things kind of harshly.. what to say?

[red324]

Just learn from your experience and give out your number the first time a guy asks for it instead of making him look stupid like you did here. He probably quit cause he probably finally realized that everyone at the company probably thinks he's a desperate fuck.

[Scarecrow13]

Yea I would say it's on you now. If you are interested, you contact him.

[RationalMale]

You rejected him, lady. What the hell did you expect? When a woman flat out rejects a man twice, and he persists, that's called sexual harassment.

You're like a girl who goes to a guy's apartment and refuses to have sex, hoping he'll "force" you to have sex, then you're sad and let down when no sex happens.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4hNaFkbZYU

[Asker]

Thanks. However, I just don't want to look like an easy girl, but I know rejecting him outright is too much. I'll just tell him that I'd be happy to go out w him if we're no longer co-workers.

[geeky_artist]

I guess I'm just confused. You said you have a crush on him yet you turned down all his attempts at getting a more personal way to contact you and then when he said he wanted to go out with you, you said no... That's not playing hard to get, thats just rejection. And very confusing. Even for me.

[Asker]

I just couldn't find the best answer during that time. I've never 'dated' anyone aside from exclusive fb.. And I felt its wrong to date a guy when I have my fb..

[geeky_artist]

i guess that makes sense, but a fb isn't a bf. friend with benefits isn't the same as dating. unless you two have hung out just because and you two didn't have sex. If you cuddle, kiss and have honest talks that allow you two to get to know each other, doing activities together outside of his/your place. Agree that you two aren't going to see anyone else. if you two do all that then you are pretty much dating and so don't feel bad about losing out on your crush.

[Asker]

But this FB and I had an agreement. Sooner we'll set each other free when both of us accomplished our personal shortterm goals. We once talked about taking it to the next level, like more than friends but something terrible happened so we stayed as friends. We just cuddle and do intimate stuff. But we have never known each others group or family. Its a secret affair like that..

[geeky_artist]

well if it works for you great. honestly friends with benefits confuse me only because I was in one and found out very quickly i can't do them. Now as for personal short term goals... i dont know what that means. It sounds like you want to be with your friends with benefits guy and if thats the case keep persuing him. If you don't want to be with him it's not gonna be fair to any guy you date if you continue this thing with your fb. so I think that the first step is figuring what you want.

[Asker]

By goals I mean, mine is moving out from my parents, take my masters degree and get a new job. For my fb is to get a new job/business. We are on the process. We both know we want to end this shit.

[geeky_artist]

so why not just end it now?

[Asker]

Cos I haven't moved out yet.. have not even enrolled for my masters and have not got a new job for the both of us. So when we're both free, we're complete, at least. We didn't just had intimates, but we helped each other. I needed to save up more for my goals..

[justbanANNAz]

WHY? WHY DID U LET HIM SLIP AWAY?
😱😱😱
it may be REALLY hard to get another chance with him, but if ur REALLY lucky, he will try one more time for u=/ thats all the hope i can give atm.

[Asker]

How about I tell him personally that I'm lookin forward to hang out with him, only if we're no longer co-workers.. would that be fine?

[justbanANNAz]

i think u should at least keep some contact with him. u can get to know him better as co- workers, but yeah if it goes any further just make it clear that you'd rather if u weren't working together.

[Asker]

Or maybe I contact him if he's no longer connected w the company, for real.. I'll just tell him that I'd be happy to go out w him if we're no longer working for the same company.

[BoudyRizk]

No one is THAT lucky
He won't ask her out another time

[justbanANNAz]

u can't be sure of that. dont mess with a 'glass half full' person :P @boudyrizk

[Asker]

Oh yes don't mess with a chick like me. Haha but thanks for the comment @BoudyRizk.
Hey, I called him telling I'm bothered by the situation.. that he's not even talking to me wc doesn't look good to people surrounding us. He said he'd still want to take me out. And our conversation went through.. I'm gonna see what could happenby the end of this month.

[BoudyRizk]

@Asker you are so very lucky
If you like this guy don't do anything to wreck it

[justbanANNAz]

OMG I KNEW IT!!! So happy for u girl! Make the most of this chance!!

[justbanANNAz]

Take THAT!😋 @boudyrizk

[Asker]

@BoudyRizk and @OpinionOwner are you related to each other or do you know each other personally? Hehe
Now I'm a bit confused. The last 2 days, I called him to say the things I want to say. It lasted for 10 mins. I think he accepted the situation but he said he'd still ask me to go out w him. After the call, we texted for like half of the day. Then the next day, I saw him. He smiled and I smiled back. That's it. Until now, no text nor call. What is this? Will I just let it pass? Is "One step at a time" his game?

[justbanANNAz]

lol what? why would we know each other?
yeah id advise u to take it slow, but u also need to make an effort. if he's just smiling, try to talk to him, say hi or ask how he's doing. maybe say u look forward to getting to know him better or something. I don't know but just doth ignore him and expect him to do everythin=]

[BoudyRizk]

Me and @OpinionOwner don't know each other and you should make an effort now, make it obvious that you like him make it really obvious because he is nervous of asking you out after rejecting him twice and GOOD LUCK

[Asker]

I'm not expecting him to do everything.. Note that I've called him twice! I'm making it obvious for him. But I'm cool w it. I'm done w him. If he really meant what he said, a week will never pass w/out sending me messages (in any form) thank you so much @BoudyRizk and @OpinionOwner I appreciate each input!

[Dipsy]

Its not over yet, not even close to.
I think there is only one way left, since you have his number, you can text him and say something like:
You: hey [his name]
You: look, sorry, i didn't mean to reject your invitation, but i was sooo nervous.. (Or whatever happened)
You: do you still want to go out with me?
He: omg, yes!!

You can say something like that. Maybe his reply won't be 'omg, yes!!' but at least he thinks that when reading, almost all guys are like that.

Tell me if you need more help, good luck!

[Asker]

Lifesaver here. :-) how about calling him instead? Texting seems too college.. what u think? But if I'm firm that I really don't want to date a co-worker, can I just tell him, if we can stay friends cos its getting awkward now that he's not coming to our dept than the usual.

[Asker]

And are u really only 16?

[Dipsy]

You can call him aswell, it will come off as more trustworthy i think. But texting is waaay easier on the other hand. Just do what you think is the easiest/best for you.

I dont know what you mean by that last bit (coming to dept or something). If you just want to be friends, tell him that.
If you like him, then say you are very sorry that you rejected him, twice. If a girl said that to me, i'd forgive her (but i dont know who he is/how he thinks etc.).

And yes im 16 years old :P
I came here to ask questions about my crush and thats why im on this site actually. Can you answer this one?www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1355762-is-this-a-good-way-to-start-talking-to-her-in-real-life-or-is-it

[Asker]

Dept (department) he would usually go to our department to ask or get something. But he seems avoiding to go to where I'm nearby. I still want to be friends with him. I don't want to lose a friend just becasue I rejected a date invitation.

[Dipsy]

Then call/text him and say you're sorry.
If he's a good personen, he'll forgive you. Else he is not worth your time

[Asker]

Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts on this. Appreciated.

[Dipsy]

:)
If you need any more help, ask it ;)

[Hopefuldreamer8]

I feel like this was written by a 14 year old instead of a 28 year old. You rejected him twice, and you're wondering why he isn't really texting or talking to you. How would you feel if you asked someone out and they rejected you? You are too old to be playing these mind games. I have no experience with dating and even I know this was a bad move. It's time to move on from him and find someone else. Next time don't play stupid mind games. Guys don't like that at all. If he asks you out, and you like him then say yes.

[Asker]

Thanks. When u are caught up in a situation where u have to choose between being professional and the dating thing, u'll be amazed how the latter one can do to you.. specially if that guy has been your crush for quite a while.

[Springfairy]

He probably doesn't want to wait around until your no longer co-workers. Who knows when that could be.

Believe me, if you don't make a move, you'll miss your chance. My co-worker has shown interest in me, and I've been pretty dense and didn't really respond.
He still makes attempts, but I can sense he's going to give up soon.
Just casually send him a text.

[Asker]

Now I'm confused. We're kinda ok when I called him, we texted throughout the half of the day. The other day, he smiled at me and I smiled back.. but never sent me a text message until now.. it's been 2 days. What am I supposed to think? Is that what we called 'one step at a time'?

[Springfairy]

I once sent my coworker a text. ge never responded for 5 days, then brought it up at work.

[Asker]

What do you mean by "brought it up at work"?

[Dragonblood21]

If I was that guy I woulda been like "well fuck this shit". And he didn't make any effort? Seems like it's you that didn't make the effort.

[Asker]

Didn't I? But I called him rather than just text him like "hey this is me" or something more ridiculous.. Seriously..

[meatballs21]

You outright rejected him, and are now upset that he took your 'no' to mean 'no'?

The guy can't read your mind. He kept trying for a while but decided you're scatterbrained and not worth any more effort. Well done.

[Asker]

Is that so? After that call I made, I said I'm to myself, I'm giving this chance one week, if he'd still pursue me. But if nothing happens, I'd tell him personaly "I'm really lookin forward to hang out with u if we're no longer co-workers.. Friends?" would that b alright?

[meatballs21]

He's not going to pursue you any more. He already did and came up against a brick wall multiple times. I've been in his position. If you do suddenly act interested and try to ask him out, what is he going to think?

That you're unreliable! You can't make up your mind! You might make plans and then change your mind again and back out of those!

For goodness' sake, don't say 'friends'. I don't want friends. I want a girl I can date. Just leave it as 'hang out' or 'get together sometime'.

[Asker]

Thanks. I didn't day "Friends". Just told him I really do wanna go out w him if we're not working for the same company. But he'd still invite me no matter what. I said, ok let's see what will happen in the next few.. weeks or month. I told him, don't act anymore like there's something wrong happened between us. Just act normal like he used to.

[JohnBhoy94]

You told him you don't date coworkers, so he has moved on - simple. You've got a strange way of flirting.

[Asker]

Yea? It seems awkward now cos of what happened. He doesn't go to our office anymore w/c is not normal.. even the sort of friendship has gone - like the normal employee-employee relationship.

[red324]

WTF? Is all I have to say. So after all this guy went through to attempt to take you on a date, you liked him all along and after constantly rejecting him, you're now wonder why he isn't giving you attention anymore?

[red324]

I think a lot of guys have hopes of a girl coming around and liking them after a while, probably why he didn't give up and move to the next girl like many guys do. I have the same thinking, hoping she'll come around and not give up, but he finally threw in the towel after you said you don't date co workers.

[melbguy1980]

Eh.. You already told him you don't go out with co-worker and you still expect him to continue to make the effort to chase you? There is a difference between saying "no" and hard to get.

[Asker]

Ok so does this mean the game's over for me? He's leaving our company by the end of this month though..

[melbguy1980]

Well, if someone said "no" to me, I would expect at least equally explicit "yes" or a sign so obvious one have to be pretty dense to miss it. You could let him know you are keen to hang out or catch up in the future and somehow work into your conversation that the situation between you 2 has changed now that he is no longer a co-worker? The game is only truly over if both parties have given up and no one wants to put in the effort. In your case, some effort from your part is required.

[Asker]

Like I'll tell to him in real life "hi, its not that I don't want to go our with u, I'm very looking forward to hang out or catch up with you.. someday if we are not co-workers anymore" smthing like that?

[Strider90]

Your fault. There is nothing you can do. And you have a fuck buddy anyway. Just let him find someone who's worth his time. Someone who knows what she wants in her life. Keep your 39year old daddy.

[Asker]

Well I got pressured when asked. I once dated a co-worker and it was terrible along the way. So I thought I shouldn't be doing it again. :-(

[Asker]

Aright. Fbs don't involve love and stuff. Gettin tired so.

[Strider90]

If you know that they do not involve love then you shouldn't have done it in the first place. You are 28 years old and you can only get OLDER not younger. Time is running out and you should find someone to share your life and settle down. But yeah I know, Im the boring conservative guy who doesn't like dating.

[Asker]

I've been tied in this setup for 4yrs now. At first it was exciting and thought it's another way of having a bf. But things get sour and I have to endure this set up until we accomplished our own personal shortterm goals together. Then we'll part ways. Prolly this year..

[KidInk2]

Don't you think you ought to at least break off the friends with benefits before even trying to fix the guy you turned down situation. First things first, right?

[Asker]

Yah that's y I kind of got confused. I turned him down knowing I have fb...

[Scarecrow13]

These are exactly the kinds of games women play that I don't understand. You rejected him, what are you expecting him to do? I don't get the whole "playing hard to get thing. I't he's persistent he really wants it? Sure, maybe, but why not just be straightforward and see where it goes.

[Thrifty]

If you have a fuck buddy then you are not single because you're not emotionally available...

[Asker]

Thanks. But technically we are not a couple. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it's the other way around. I'm physically not available and emotionally available. would that be correct? :-)

[Thrifty]

Physically not available and emotionally available? I think they go hand-in-hand, my dear.

[Asker]

I don't think so. But yeah maybe they do

[RobLovesDemi19771992]

Ummm you’re a jerk for leading the poor bastard on then expecting him to quit his job then you whine why hasn't he called after you repeatedly rejected him. I would have told you to go fuck yourself and not even had picked up the phone or talked to you. You really have some balls lady eith how you treat guys like something you stepped in like a fucking winter coat to only use at your convience. You really are a lowlife scum lady

[RobLovesDemi19771992]

And on top of it you have a fuck buddy of 4 years which you never told the guy and im assuming when you have sex withyour crush in the future and get knocked up you'll pin the baby on this guy you like without knowing for sure if he's the father. I know how broads like you think and its sickening all dramatic shit with bitches like you

[Canadaman99]

Sounds like he dodged a bullet