When is it appropriate to introduce the idea of becoming exclusive?

So, I got bored a little over a month ago and downloaded tinder for the purpose of finding someone new to talk to. I have a fairly routine life which includes work, the gym, and two kids. I have not met anyone new or interesting in a little over a year and naturally loneliness was setting in. I never planned on meeting anyone, but I decided to meet up with a guy I actually became really interested in. First date was amazing, second date turned into a sleep over, third and fourth date also went very well and also turned into sleepovers. I have never felt so completely comfortable with someone so quickly and I've never had anyone look at me the way he does. (I could go on about this but it's not necessary to my question :) )
After only a month, I feel like I could see this guy and myself working out well, but the problem is I have a difficult time talking about feelings and relationships. I don't want to come across as I am pushing a relationship, because I'm not, I understand not all people are out there looking for much more than a fling, I sure wasn't looking for anything more than someone to talk with at the end of the day, until we met.
My whole point is I wanted some input if it was to early to bring this up or not. I've only been in two previous relationships, one two years long the other was 10 year long, and I've been single for a little over a year and in past relationships exclusiveness was kind of assumed and never talked about.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • From my previous relationship: Just ask him how he feels with the idea of being exclusive. When I met this guy, I realised I didn't wanted to be with anyone else on our first date. However, 3 months later I found that it would really annoyed me if he was seeing someone else, that's when I told him about being exclusive. (I didn't had any reasons to be mad, but I knew it was the right time to know if he wanted exclusivity or not, instead of keep investing more time and then found that he didn't wanted to go exclusive)

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What Guys Said 5

  • Talk to him, and start by asking how he feels about your relationship. If he's not sure, give him a few more days. By asking, you're giving him an opportunity to begin thinking long term without scaring him away.

    A few days later, when you broach the topic again, he'll either have given it some thought or discarded the question, but he'll know you're serious about it and that'll leave the door open for him to approach it with you either right away or down the road. Don't be afraid to bring it up periodically - you need clear relationship boundaries and you both have a right to know what to expect from the relationship.

    He might not be ready to go exclusive at this stage in his life, or might be willing to approach it when he knows you better and he feels more secure with you. Remember that that it's up to both of you - be open to rejection (if you're thinking of going exclusive then it'll be hard to take - that's normal).

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  • Just be honest. Have the conversation. Tell him your thoughts, hope for the best but expect the worst. He may surprise you.

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  • Ask him over coffee. Just open and out ask him if you can class yourself as a genuine couple.

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  • Halfway through the second blow job.

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  • You introduce the idea right away or seven months in. Those are the only two slots.

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What Girls Said 4

  • You have a right to ask for a relationship and not asking for one might cause you to get ignored and discarded later on.

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  • Just bring it up casually? Just be honest and say like are you seeing anyone else? Put the focus on exclusivity not relationships? It's always hard to know how and when and I don't think any girl will feel confident doing it and apparently no guy will give a sensible answer so I'd just talk to him more casually but honestly? Good luck

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  • The cold hard facts dictate that if he's inside you, he'd better not be inside other gals again = sex demands exclusive

    I'm sure there may be other reasons built on more delicate emotional foundations...

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    • Guys don't think like this! Sex can be casual or it can be something more. And they can be doing more than one person. I would have had a chat to him before I jumped into bed with him, and outlined what I wanted from a relationship in general terms. If he stayed, than great. If not, than his lost.

  • Your feelings MATTER. Anytime you want to bring it up is the right time to bring it up.

    If he brought it up you wouldn't hold it against him-right? You deserve the same respect.

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