Should a guy pay for a woman's food on a date, or should they split the pill/pay for themselves?

A guy I'm possibly going out with soon and might start a relationship with has asked in advance if we could split paying for things when he comes in from out of town to spend the weekend with me, since it "would be easier on his wallet". I'm not sure if I'm overreacting by being a little offended by this or not, considering he has 2 jobs and I don't even have one. I was always taught that it's proper/polite for a guy to pay on dates when a couple is just starting to go out together (even though there's nothing wrong with the girl offering to split the bill), but when things are a little more serious it's a little more appropriate to split costs or even take turns paying for things. Just wondering what everyone's thoughts are.

Updates:
*bill, not pill. Sorry for the typo, guys!
Thanks to everyone who has answered my question... I have reported that favourwilliam person as a spammer and suggest you all do too. Not sure how much good it will do.

0|0
19|33

Most Helpful Guy

  • The guy should pay. I never bring it up and just pay. Only if she insists on splitting it, then I'll let her. It's not just being old-fashioned but I think important for the guy to show he has resources and could be a good provider.

    1|0
    1|1

What Guys Said 32

  • Welcome to the century. The days of guys paying or everything are mostly gone. Only unhip people are still doing the guy victim thing

    2|5
    0|1
  • The first date the man can take care of it and prob even the second date as well to show a sign of good faith. But down the road I would like to see the woman helping out after all we are in a down economy

    3|4
    2|0
    • That's how I was raised. I wouldn't mind helping or even paying the whole bill sometimes if we were to get more serious, but I think it's polite for the guy to pay for at least a couple dates just to show he cares and is really interested. Plus I don't have a job right now, but he has two. And he is the one pushing more for this long distance relationship and visiting (even though I'm also interested in him).

    • Show All
    • That's the thing... I do like him very much. He's just an ass about certain things. I realize that no one is perfect, and I've honestly met much worse guys before, which is why I'm thinking it's worth a shot.

    • Oh thats not a big deal everyone goes through that even old married couples do as well. If you like him give it a shot

  • I was raised to believe that a man pays in the beginning. That's the way I'd want to do things, anyway.

    3|2
    1|1
  • The person who asked the other out and set up the date is the one that should pay. I think it would be rude if I asked someone out on a dinner date and then asked them to cough up some money at the end of it. I ASKED THEM OUT I'm paying for the food and the time out of their life that they were willing to waste with me because it was me who wanted to do it. The bill problem is serious because a lot of guys and girls think the guy should pay and some girls also say "if he plans on getting some later he better pay." Paying for a dinner date should be just for that the dinner date; not for future favors down the road which is just prostitution. If a girl asked me out I would be ok with paying for my half of the dinner. Guess I'm also brainwashed by old standards...

    2|0
    0|0
    • Also I think that if two people really like each other then it should be a problem about both people wanting to be the person to pay for the date not the other way around. If you care about someone then you should want to constantly spoil each other however and whenever you can. If the spoiling is one sided then there's going to be distrust built because it's clearly a one sided relationship.

    • Show All
    • You can never go wrong with Ice skating or bowling. If you guys are intellectuals you can go to a museum or art gallery if you have one around.(when i say intellectuals I just mean if you enjoy those types of things) You can try doing a coffee date as well. All of those should be pretty inexpensive and I've usually had good results with those.

    • Thanks for the ideas. :) I'll keep those in mind. I need something other than the bar scene, which is what a lot of people say, but I rarely drink and wouldn't want to go out with someone who spends all their time there.

  • You two are officially a couple now and I think that the two of you should be able to work it out. If he doesn't understand your current financial situation then I think you'll need to delay it until things get better for you. I personally don't mind paying for the first date and in hind sight I'd rather focus on the person in front of me rather than the bill that gets presented at the end of the date. I still think society adheres to certain gender roles. Once again you two are a couple and should be able to work around minor details such as that.

    0|0
    0|0
    • We actually aren't official yet. This would be our first date together.

    • That's awkward for him to ask to split the bill like that. But I maybe old skool.

  • OVERALL I think it's only fair to share the bill when you go out, no matter if it's the first date or not.
    You think it would be polite for a guy to offer to pay the whole bill for a couple dates, but you don't offer to pay the whole bill for a couple dates, do you? So you're not polite?
    The guy is OBLIGATED to offer to pay the WHOLE bill and you has the OPTION to offer to pay for HALF of it? That would be nonsense, right?

    Now, for your case specifically, you told him you don't have money and he insists on seeing you asap. Is that right?
    So yeah, if he wants to meet you right now I think he should pay for all the expenses. Room, date, everything. No doubt.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Yes, that is the situation. In regards to the other part of your answer, I was raised (including by my father) being told that men should pay for me, at least until we're in a serious relationship, for various reasons. It's okay if I offer to help pay for myself, but the guy should front the bill. That's just what I was taught, so it doesn't mean I'm not polite.

    • I was reasoning. Just cause you were taught something in a way it doesn't mean it's right.
      I get what you meant. I was taught many things that are just plain wrong tho.
      As in I was taught to be really Misogynist when I was a kid.
      I'm not a Misogynist nowadays. It was hard work to change myself. It was worth it.
      So... can't you she the reasoning if you try? It's really not fair to just follow a tradition if it makes no sense. Killing a girl if she was raped was a tradition in some places for quite a while. (that's too much of a far jump i know, but stills)
      Do you get what I mean?
      Both are interested. Just cause one has one gender assuming and expecting him to pay is as wrong as if I say that since you are a female you got to cook me meals cause I'm male.
      You see?
      I'm really tired right now (been 9 hours at work) so I don't really know if I'm communicating well. haha
      But I wanted to at least try !
      And good luck with your situation!
      Cheers!

    • I never meant you were not polite. I was trying to make you reason with me.
      As in if he doesn't offer to pay makes him not polite, it should make you too.

  • I have no problem going Dutch. I feel it is pressuring, for the girl to have her meal paid for.

    Why?

    Because she may feel "obligated" to him, out of guilt, to "repay him".

    Going dutch takes off that pressure, so that's what I prefer to do.

    1|0
    0|1
  • I raised old fashioned so for me I would pay for the dates. If he's coming into town from somewhere else though I can see why he would want to split it.

    0|1
    0|0
  • I think if the guy initiates and asks you on a date he should pay. How I do it when I have a steady partner is we take turns sure it isn't even but I never feel like I got the short end of the deal. For instance she might pay for dinner and I might get the movie. After all we are both poor college students :S

    0|0
    0|0
    • Thank you. That's what I was taught - that the guy should pay for at least the first few dates, or until things get more serious and we are in a relationship, then it's more appropriate to split or take turns, because you're more of a team and doing things together.

  • If he has 2 jobs, that means money is tight for him. Nobody works 2 jobs unless they're struggling to make ends meet.

    If you are 23 and have no job, it means you're living off of someone else, so even if money is tight, you've got a safety net in place.

    He's coming in from out of town, which means he's got some amount of travel expenses. Bare minimum a good amount of gas money, possibly airfare or hotel bills.

    The math is simple, split the bill or look entitled and cheap.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think the person that wants to take someone out should cover it, if you can. But after some solid dates I think a women should show that she can cover her own expenses

    ITS really cute when a girl wants to cover the bill. Really , ages her stand out and makes me want to pay even more

    So it's a balance I guess

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think having your meal be paid for you is a privilege and honor, but hat doesn't mean I am obligated to do it. But it wouldn't even be a problem for you if you did have a job - he probably doesn't even know you don't have a valid source of income.

    0|0
    0|0
    • He does know. He asked if I'd pay half for the hotel room he'd get when he comes to stay, but I don't him I don't have the money for it. Even if I did, I think it was inappropriate for him to ask straight out, especially for a hotel room. He keeps pushing to come see me, so I think he should pay for that if he wants to make the trip. I'd be okay with splitting for food or something if I can find some money, but asking to pay for a room is inappropriate, I think. It's not like I'd be going there with him.

    • Well if neither of you have the money for it then it ought to be delayed.

    • I agree, but the point of the visit happening now is to see if the in person chemistry is there. We met online and have been using Skype/FaceTime and texting. He claims he's ready for a long distance relationship, but when I go to grad school this fall the distance will go from 4 hours to 8, so I wanted to really make sure it's what he wanted so he doesn't make an extra long trip later only to find that it's not what either of us really want if there's nothing still there. But he insists on visiting as soon as possible as well.

  • each pay their own = the best

    0|0
    0|0
  • That depends. Do you believe in equal rights? Would you prefer to be treated as if you aren't able to provide for yourself?

    0|0
    0|0
  • Im old fashioned so im going to pay.

    0|0
    0|0
  • there's no real reason anymore for the man to pay... besides, women in their 20's out earn men in that age bracket, on average.

    0|0
    0|0
  • personally, if i had lots of money i wouldn't care about paying everything for my girl. but i dont have lots of money, so there is an understanding between me and her that sometimes if it works out i will pay for her, but on occasion.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Personally, i like the girl to pay. Then i just pretend like im going to the bathroom and just leave. Fuck dat bitch. The meal was probably better than the pussy anyway

    0|0
    0|1
  • Split the pill? You know I can't have a baby right? :0

    0|0
    0|0
  • You not even in a relationship? And already trying to rip him off.. it's a known fact girl try and take advatage because of the fact they have a vagina.. and trying to get free food out of guys.. u don't know his situtation/expenses. You gotta pay for your share. Own up to it

    0|0
    3|1
    • I'm not trying to rip him off. You don't know either of our situations. He has 2 jobs and I don't have one at all right now. I'd be fine with paying for myself if I had any money.

    • Credit card. Or if you can't eat out then cook at home or get a frozen meal?

    • If I have no money, I'm not going to use a credit card, because I can't pay it off. That's not a bright idea. And considering I live at home, I think it's rude to have my mom buy food to feed someone who is practically a stranger to her.

  • I like the idea of the guy paying.

    2|0
    1|0
  • if i went on a date for a girl i would pay for the whole check but im the type of guy who would want the girl to ask about splitting the bill if she doesn't i automatically assume she is stuck up and there will be no second date

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think if he has enough money then he will.
    If he asked you that means he need some money so you have to split the bill and have to help him.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I usually the split the bill or pay for the respective dish

    0|0
    0|0
  • The man should always pay.

    1|0
    1|1
    • Because he has a penis? Penises don't really help in getting money. What if he is a fast food restaurant worker while she is a CEO or programmer?

    • Show All
    • Like I said, I believe it is the mans priority to pay. Of course, circumstance will sometimes dictate otherwise. Perhaps the woman is surprising her man with a birthday dinner? Who knows. The point is, I believe the man should ALWAYS pay. I expect the woman to contribute to the relationship in other ways. And I don't mean sex.

    • What are some other ways you believe the woman should contribute, or would like her to?

  • Well I prefer a girl not be a gold digger and if I feel she is the hell with her but I always pay on all the dates I go on.

    0|0
    0|0
  • There is no "should" where it comes to dating.

    We no longer live in a society that has established rules and rituals for courtship.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Split.
    Unless it's short notice or a surprise and you're not prepared then pay for what you're eating like always. If he really wants to do something that you obviously can't afford then he'll pay, but being poor and/or female doesn't entitle you to have people pay for your food.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Just sayin', if he wants any chance at getting in your pants he should be pulling money out of his.

    1|0
    0|2
  • I think you should share bill but the 1st one should be paid for by the guy. Also depends if was your idea to go out then you should pay. I think question i would ask is what would you consider a good date date. Because if it was only 20 dollars for both of you would say that a cheap date and but if you spent 200 dollars on a date well you would hope good. But all would prefer would 10 dates of 20 dollars :)

    0|0
    0|0
  • More from Guys
    2

What Girls Said 19

  • Ok so my bf makes like waaaay more money than I do. When we see each other every few months he pays for the dates and the hotel room. If I wanted more private time then I pay for one night of the hotel. And if I'm flying to see him I pay for my own ticket.
    I like paying for my own stuff just because I know he will pay for my meals and drinks and everything because that is how awesome he is. So my ticket is on me. He fills up my tank of gas when he comes to see me. He likes spoiling me and treating me like a princess. I LOVE how he is like that, but I don't think I'm entitle to that treatment. He wants to spoil me so I let him, i spoil him in other ways. If he ever asked for me to pay for his dinner I would.
    I deserve nothing, if he wants to treat me to things I will appreciate it greatly. If he wants to split it I will do too. If he thinks I should buy stuff for him too then I will. Money is to enjoy it with someone, I much rather spend $300 with my bf than $300 alone.

    2|1
    0|0
  • I would honestly rather split the bill, i feel bad a guy always paying for me, i don't feel like i earned it but i'm a fair person so i think i should always split the bill, i don't like someone spending so much money on me... nah... what did i do to deserve it? lol nothing, but even if i was permanantly with someone dating id still split the bill no matter where we go, i just don't feel it right for him to work hard at work all week, and if i had a job right now id do the same thing so... why should i have to spend less of my money while he spend more? lol.

    1|0
    0|0
    • If I had a job, I'd be a little more open to sharing the costs of dates, but I dont and he knows that. :/

    • I had a guy pay for me to go even to Hard Rock caffee once and other places i wanted to go and i still didn't have a job at the time, it just didn't feel right all the time but he insisted out of being nice to me but i just still felt bad lol, he even bought me a necklace the first time we met lol, ok... that is nice i love that i don't mind on little gifts like that lol but just everything else... it's too much.

  • I believe the woman should always offer to pay. Then it's up to the man. I mean my boyfriend almost always pays for everything but if he is struggling that month he will sheepishly take me up on his offer.

    Just because he has 2 jobs doesn't mean he's loaded. I have 2 jobs - one of them I'm an apprentice and the other I work weekends. I can barely afford to pay my bills each month, my boyfriend pays for my food.

    Just put it as water under the bridge. He hasn't asked you to pay for all of it. Or you could say "I'm short on cash too, how about we have a nice meal at home - Ill cook." That's what I do. Get the candles out and cook a nice meal

    1|1
    1|0
    • great answer
      @ Hidden_P

    • Show All
    • Ifg you don't mine
      May I know that from where you are

    • I mean which countryb

  • I split the bill in some way. I generally make as much as whoever I am dating. Another tried but true thing is you get the movie, he gets dinner and so on.

    My current guy and I are always teasing about who's turn it is to buy dinner. It is a light hearted and stress free approach to this modern argument.

    0|0
    0|0
  • id split it with him and if he doesn't agree ill insist that it's ok. if he agrees, awesome, if he insists on paying, then id let him, but only cuz i know most guys dont like a stubborn girl.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Even though he has two jobs, he still probably has a lot of bills that he has to take care of. Student loans possibly? Rent? Necessities when renting, such as water, electricity, internet, phone bill, etc. Insurance payments? Gas money? Grocery bills? It's not a bad thing to split the tab. My boyfriend and I do that. Sometimes we will even go where he'll buy dinner one night, i'll buy dinner the next. It's not a big deal. It's only fair.

    0|1
    0|0
    • He still lives with his parents and isn't in school right now. The only bill he has is his car. I understand if he's helping his family with a couple bills, because he is, but he doesn't have any outstanding expenses. And this would be our first date. Every other guy I've gone out with insisted on paying for me.

  • I would not like it if I were you. It is just an gentleman gesture to me, when they pay. I can afford my meal of course. It is not the problem.

    I believe how a relationship starts at the begining, it will continue like that. Just watch yourself. He may be quite stingy too. lol

    0|1
    1|2
  • I would prefer to split the bill. I don't know what it is but I just feel uncomfortable when others (other than my parents or siblings of course lol) pay for me. I feel very strange about it.
    But most times after me offering the guy just pays. But in all honesty I would prefer to split.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think whoever asks the other person out should pay for the date. Even so, if I was asked out I would offer to split the check.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think especially in the beginning the bill should be split. Honestly it's only fair to share the burden of this, if one is like significantly richer than the other then they should pay most of the time.

    0|1
    0|0
  • I think it depends. some guys are happy to pay and some don't. I would at least try to pay my own but if he has so much more than I have, then paying my own doesn't show any good. On the other hand, I would pay it if I have much more than he has but then if he asks more money for his drug. I would have to say good bye for good. Be aware! There are scumbags.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Split the bill or go dutch.

    0|0
    0|0
  • ONE RULE- If you were the one that got INVITED you should NOT pay.

    1|2
    0|1
    • What if one person is travelling to see the other person and asks where they could eat, and the other recommends a place? Neither really invited the other. I'm not sure how that would work, but I agree with you.

  • No girl I agree 100% with you I think he should definitely pay and yeah when u guys are serious then its fine to split it here and there and even way later take turns but no I strongly believe he should pay the bill unless he was like super poor or like had to pay for others like his kids or support his family other that no expectations.. I dont think your overreacting at all.

    0|0
    1|1
    • Damit typo I meant no exceptions.

    • That's exactly what I've always thought and what my parents have told me. If I had more money and he was really struggling, I wouldn't mind, but this is our first time meeting up and I don't have a job to afford it.

    • Yeah I get u but honestly he really should pay that would be pretty stupid if he doesn't.

  • I've always said split it

    1|0
    0|0
  • Whoever asked the person out/ arranged the date, and if your comfortable enough to ask to go even that's fine. People look into this kinda stuff way too much

    0|0
    0|0
  • I believe it's wrong to assume that someone else should take responsibily for paying the bill, just because they earn more money than you." More" money may mean he has a lot of debt , therefore doesn't have a lot of cash to " hand" around.

    Plus, girls in the past may have taken advantage of his kindness, so he has decided to suggest you both pay 50/50. That way he will discover if he is being used for his " wallet".

    If a guy suggested this to me i wouldn't be offended. If he insisted on paying, then i would suggest that i pay the next time.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I would first offer to pay for the whole bill, if he said no, I would offer half, then if he still insisted that he pay, I would let him.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I usually always offer to split. I would feel weird not doing so. Sometimes the guy lets me, and other times he doesn't.
    But I don't feel like a man should have to pay the whole thing simply because he's a man. Kinda unfair isn't it? At least offer

    1|0
    0|0
    • I don't mean he should pay for everything just because he's a man. I just think it's good manners for the guy to pay for the first few dates until things get more serious, then we could split or take turns.

Loading...