My boyfriend has completely changed.. help?

When my boyfriend and I first started dating he was amazing!!
He left me cute love notes, he always picked flowers from me, complimented me, etc.
We've been together about 4 years now and he doesn't do ANY of those things anymore!
I have gained some weight and I really don't dress like I used to, he says that isn't why he quit doing those things but I don't believe him.

Can anyone help me figure this out?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • A lot of those things fade away within the first few months. The honeymoon period.

    His affection hasn't gone it's changed.
    You've changed - you've gained weight.
    But that's not the end of the world, it happens.
    You've grown up and changed how you dress. And dress appropriate to size.

    I've gained weight with my current boyfriend and ex and the different is amazing. Before, I gained about half a stone (7 pounds) and my ex flipped. He wanted me to be anorexic. My current boyfriend, I gained weight (from birth control very quickly) I gained 3 stone ( 21 pounds) and his reaction was "weight comes and goes".

    Weight is an issue but it's what you make of it really.

    Flowers and compliments and stuff thats about keeping the girl. You've been in a relationship long enough for it to be love more than lush. He quit those things because he didn't need to carry them on and life got in the way. I'm sure you've stopped some things - stopped wearing sexy underwear, making him breakfast lunch and dinner, stopped giving spontaneous blowjobs, etc. Your relationship has changed, and so have you and him.

    Don't take it personally.

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What Guys Said 11

  • it 4 year... He changed, you changed. If you are not the same way you used to be 4 year ago, why do you expect him to be the same?

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  • I have a question. Did you yourself compliment him just as frequently? Because it could be that he finally realized that his affections and efforts were not reciprocated.

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  • People change. Dig deep, look in the mirror. Do you do all the same things? Also, any man in his right mind would not admit to those reasons you gave for him not doing those things anymore. Relationships... tougher than they should be. :D

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  • It seems that to varying degrees you both have become "too comfortable" in the relationship.

    Solution: talk to him about it and agree to make changes accordingly.

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    • On the other hand, a lot of the stuff you mentioned, really is only good for the honeymoon phase. Your relationship will not be the same as it was when you first started and while you should work with him to keep the spark (i. e. start going out more), you can't really expect him to be writing you l o 've poems and bringing you flowers every other week this long into a relationship.

  • Try losing some weight and dress like you used it and see if he starts doing those old things to you again. :/

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  • No idea. Try talking to him about it and find out. Either he's lying about whether that's the reason or he's not. You need to talk to him.

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  • Sounds like you both settled down and stopped making an effort.

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  • There is a book "Love and Limerence" by Dorothy Tennov. You 'll love it, because you will very quickly relate.

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  • At some point it becomes the little things in the relationship. You can't expect the relationship to always be little notes and flowers every date. I think if you want to bring it back you do some of your old little things like notes.

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  • So you've changed as well, basically

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  • He's not lying.

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What Girls Said 12

  • relationships change over time. at the beginning it is all romance and butterflies :-)
    It seems both of you have settled and maybe feel a bit too secure. To keep your love alive, both need to go back to those times when you felt so exited to get home from work to see your hubby. It has to be a concious choice you make everyday.

    start takign care of yourself again, don't let yourself go. It doesn't matter if you gained some weight. Look your best for yourself, this will give you an instant confidence boost.

    You could start off by doing something nice for him. surprise him. maybe go get yourself a make over, then surprise him with a picnic somewhere and when he gets there you're looking all fabulous and stuff. Take the chance to tell him how important he is to you and how much you love him and how you would love to make more time for each other to this kind of things. Men also like to feel appreciated and I assure you, that if he still feels the same for you, he will pick up his game as well.

    relationships need some work, be aware that it is the little things that keep the spark alive.

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  • When a relationship is new, we do things for each other that go out of our way just to please them, you're in the honey moon stage etc. 4 Years is a pretty long time, you two are comfortable around each other, all though he doesn't do those small things anymore, it could be because he doesn't feel like he has to earn your love even more, you guys love each other and enjoy each other, I know those little things matter sometimes and it would be nice, perhaps you can tell him other things you like, you both have changed in ways, so maybe you should start focusing on yourself more, and he will too. I find that when you give yourself a little extra attention others (bf) will notice to, don't lose confidence!

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  • Over the years people change. Its a fact of life. However, there are things you two can do to revive your relationship. Step one? Talk to him. Sit down and share your feelings about the changes he's exhibited and encourage him to share his feelings about things you do differently. Step two? Work on your relationship problems. Do bonding activities like exercising together, work on a project together, have him help you do dishes, blah blah blah. Also, if he was the only one being romantic like that and you weren't reciprocating his efforts, that would have caused him to stop over time. You have to put in as much as you expect to get back. So do something sweet for him. Leave him notes, give him a back rub. Watch his favorite movie with him. You know how this goes. And best of luck to you honey!

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  • Ok look
    Your relationship has matured
    that stuff just trickles down over time
    The weight gain can be very harmful
    Be careful about not controlling it
    :))

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  • i dont care what anyone says, men are very superficial and visual (not criticizing that's just how y'all are) so if you were to lose weight and become your old sexy self again he would definitely begin to appreciate you more

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  • Honestly, maybe he doesn't because he doesn't feel the need to win ur heart anymore. He already has u & tha's all that counts. All that extra stuff is nice & I understand if u felt that way if he didn't do it on special occasions, but on a regular basis, it's just pointless. I dont think it means he loves u any less... it's just that men do that at first to win ur heart & prove he wants to be with u. He;s still with u honey, don't stress over that.

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  • Try to get the spark back? Try spicing things up abit? Go away for a long weekend together get away from the crap of day to day life and just learn to enjoy each other again?

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  • If i were a dude and i had to often get a girl flowers and stuff, my wallet would start hurting... it doesn't seem sustainable. You guys have been together for 4 years. Maybe he figured you are already secure in your relationship. If he finds other ways to let you know he loves you, like giving you compliments, or simply spending time with you, you don't have to worry. People show live differently :)

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  • You need to keep him on his toes, don't let him get too comfy, otherwise it will be the same routine. On your next date or out of nowhere, try dressing up to get him back to that "wow" damn moment

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  • Have you been together all those years though

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  • He's lying...

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  • Sometimes people just get "comfortable" after being together for a long time.. Its actually pretty normal for someone to not do all the things they once did. But if you feel like he's really drifting away maybe try to talk to him more about it

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