Need some indepth wise analysis?

So I've recently gone through a bad breakup, my ex broke up with me because he couldn't stand up against his family over our race and religion differences. I have been pretty hungover about it; although, I've been told I shouldn't be. I realized that's true and my friends started giving me their honest opinion about him. I know many people didn't think we measured up that I was dating below my scale. It's nothing to do with vanity or ego but just the fact that I have my shit together, good career, my own place, independent, attractive and morally ethical. He had major issues, he needs to resolve (daddy dependency, mental illness, dreamer not a doer) Anyways, during the conversation I realized I have a pattern of dating men with issues. It's like I somehow choose to fall for the ones that need to be fixed and on a subconscious level I want to fix them. From early age, I've been taking care of everything in my family. I think I did this to feel needed as I was neglected as a child. I think because of my own abandonment issues or insecurity, I try to want my partner to need me to a point that they can't walk away. Or that I think if they need me then they love me. I mother these men like I do my own brothers and parents. I don't ask anything in return and if I date guys that can take care of me or I never let anyone take care of me in anyway. I seem to never fall for them. I don't know how I can fix this about myself. Any advice?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • First off a relationship that has the potential to last HAS to be a mutual give and take undertaking. One person can not do it all and have a half chance in working. While you seem to have a soft spot for guys that are needy or in some way more a dependent than an individual. While it fulfills you with a satisfaction of giving it seldom give back if at all. No one can tell you how to change this if you are happy with doing this for that kind of man. It has to be a concionabe choice to want more from a relationship than just giving. The desire to be wanted is engrained in all of us , you must want that from someone who what's you rather than needs you if that makes sense.

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What Guys Said 1

  • I mother these men like I do my own brothers and parents. Why?

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    • I don't know why. I've been a caretaker since I was a teen. I've always been good at handling Resolving problems and taking care of others. With my family, it was because they could not make wise rational decisions and so I naturally took the role of leading as soon as I was 16-18. But at 27, I seem to choose men that are weak insecure and have no fighting spirit. I hate to say this but almost like my father or brothers. These guys have dreams and they pretend be ambitious and hopeful but it's all words. When push comes to shove, they can't back their talk. I'm the opposite I'm a go getter. From the age of 21, I've being supporting a family of 7 on my own going from an income of 35k to 110k. I trust myself and fight for what I believe in regardless of my adversary. These guys just give up, I don't get the attract I have with these type of men.

    • Thats great you was supporting your family by your own but thats in the past ,,

      back to the present why you blame him when he had major issue? Since you choose by urself a man who's weak and inscure and have no fighting spirit you should expect these issue and weak man can't handle a women like you also strong man can't handle you maybe you're over confedent to point you will hurt his feeling coz man with strong personality take the lead of the realitionship so when you try to lead him you both will go in separate way and when you chose the weak guy you will face problems coz he's weak and I doubt if guy without fighting spirit good on bed testosterone talk here

      I think the problem is in yourself but its not your fault and its not late to fix it just dont search for weak guys or inscure or have no fighting spirit try to remove that idea from your mind and just wait for the mr right

      If you still can't attracted to normal guys I think you need help from professional

What Girls Said 1

  • You've kind of answered your own question :)
    You like to make them into your projects, so.. Instead, so the opposite.

    Do nothing. Don't try 'fix' them... They aren't broken :)
    Accept that that's who that person is, flaws and all !

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