So I've recently gone through a bad breakup, my ex broke up with me because he couldn't stand up against his family over our race and religion differences. I have been pretty hungover about it; although, I've been told I shouldn't be. I realized that's true and my friends started giving me their honest opinion about him. I know many people didn't think we measured up that I was dating below my scale. It's nothing to do with vanity or ego but just the fact that I have my shit together, good career, my own place, independent, attractive and morally ethical. He had major issues, he needs to resolve (daddy dependency, mental illness, dreamer not a doer) Anyways, during the conversation I realized I have a pattern of dating men with issues. It's like I somehow choose to fall for the ones that need to be fixed and on a subconscious level I want to fix them. From early age, I've been taking care of everything in my family. I think I did this to feel needed as I was neglected as a child. I think because of my own abandonment issues or insecurity, I try to want my partner to need me to a point that they can't walk away. Or that I think if they need me then they love me. I mother these men like I do my own brothers and parents. I don't ask anything in return and if I date guys that can take care of me or I never let anyone take care of me in anyway. I seem to never fall for them. I don't know how I can fix this about myself. Any advice?
Most Helpful Guy
First off a relationship that has the potential to last HAS to be a mutual give and take undertaking. One person can not do it all and have a half chance in working. While you seem to have a soft spot for guys that are needy or in some way more a dependent than an individual. While it fulfills you with a satisfaction of giving it seldom give back if at all. No one can tell you how to change this if you are happy with doing this for that kind of man. It has to be a concionabe choice to want more from a relationship than just giving. The desire to be wanted is engrained in all of us , you must want that from someone who what's you rather than needs you if that makes sense.0