Am I an asshole?

So just want your moral opinion. My gf is open about everything with me, her family problems, money issues, she even tells me when guys hit on her (even though I don't like it) because it makes her feel guilty not too tell me. I on the other hand often don't tell her things I think would upset her. For instance I didn't tell her when I lost my job for a bit (I got another job about 3 weeks later) I am loyal to her and really love her, but honestly when it hurts is hard for me. What are your thoughts?

Updates:
For reference we have been dating 6 months.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • In no way are you an asshole or a bad guy. It's nice to hear that she completely trusts you and knows that you are there to support her. I think the only thing is that you need to learn to open up to her a little. Do you fear what she'll think of you? Because she sounds like a nice person. What I'm trying to say is, you both have a good relashionship but I think she has developed trust into the relashionship quicker and she now knows that you won't think she's stupid. Maybe you still need some time to know that she will support you? I hope everything works out for you, and remeber you're not an asshole ;)

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    • Thanks so much! Yes she is the best :) I just don't want her to worried when we went on dates and stuff that takes money. I was planning to tell her once I got a new job but I thought it would hurt her. But thanks for they help, I guess I can always start now :)

    • You're welcome :) yeah I understand about the money, but I'm sure she'll understand, you two have fun :) happy to help :)

What Girls Said 11

  • It can be hard when you don't feel like you can share your thoughts as easily as your partner. Different people have different ways of communicating, and I hope it doesn't feel one sided when you have these conversations. She might share those things with you because that's how she shows she trusts you, so there's the risk that she thinks because you don't say things like that it's because you don't trust her with your heart- or worse, that you're hiding something.
    Not telling her things because you think it will upset her is normal, and it's not an asshole thing to do. You want to protect her- it's natural! It's understandable if you struggle to tell her about certain things, and most girls will not think you're an asshole for that reason. I'm sure you're a wonderful boyfriend, and I guessed that based on the fact that you want to treat her right! But fast forward into your future, and imagine yourself trying to hide from your wife that there's a mistake in the finances because you think it would upset her. That could be an absolute shitstorm. It's important to find a balance, where you can be open about things that are happening that will influence her. Just make an effort to decide 1. Will this directly affect her in any way? 2. Would she be hurt worse if she found out through someone else? 3. Is this a personal secret, and do I feel ready to share it?
    Good luck!

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    • Thank you that is a good way to look at it :) very helpful indeed!

  • not an asshole, but not communicating/hiding important things will eventually cause serious issues in your relationship.

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  • It's just the difference in the hard wiring of a girl and a guy. Girls are more open to being forthcoming with everything. It doesn't make you an asshole by any means.

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    • Thanks never really though of it in such a way :)

    • I don't think you have anything to worry about. You seem like a genuine, good guy that doesn't want to stress your girlfriend out any more than she may already be. I'd say you're being a considerate boyfriend.

    • Thank you :)

  • Not at all.
    I think you would have eventually told her. She just takes things like that in a fast pace while other people for an example you like to take some time, thinking before telling someone about it.
    You're not an asshole for wanting to keep things for yourself once in a while no :)

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    • Thanks for the opinion :) I worry about losing the trust she has in me, but I think it will work out thanks again :)

    • I don't think she would lose trust. Just tell her you have your own pace and whenever you are ready you will tell her whatever it is bothering you :)

  • i wouldn't necessarily call you an asshole. Trust me, that's not an asshole would be characterized in my books.
    Though maybe tell her about the job and say that you got another job. Hope this helped a little

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    • Ya thanks for the help. My original plan was to not tell her I lost the job then bring it up with the new job so she wouldn't worry about my money situation... But I thought she would be more upset that I lied once I had the new job. I am a worrier haha. Thanks for the input though.

  • Assholes don't ever ask "am I an asshole?"

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    • Haha never thought about it that way. Thank you :)

  • it's normal but she should learn how to keep things herself.

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    • Haha a vote for the opposite side. But she always reassures me that she doesn't like those people she just feels she should tell me ha. Thanks for the opinion :)

  • you aren't an asshole at all... for you to even think about this the way you do makes you sound like a sweet guy actually lol

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    • Thanks I hope so :S I just worry about trust. I know from experience it is a hard thing to regain. And I want her to trust me how she does now /:

  • To me it sounds like you don't wanna worry her and if she has stuff going on, you don't want to add your stuff to it.

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    • That was my intention yes. I would never be disloyal or lie about anything of importance. But as others have said she might not trust me again if I tell a lie. But thank you for the help.

    • Yeah, that's what it seems like to me and if I was the gf in that situation, I would probably want to know, but if you explained it I would be understanding about it. those things happen.

  • I get more angry when people lie to me than when they tell me the truth. I'd especially want honesty from my boyfriend cause if there isn't, anything he says will seem like a lie to me.

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    • The lies seem like small things to me but I agree trust is a very very hard thing... thanks for the help and opinion.

    • Losing a job is not something small, it's basically half your life. When you lie excessively, even when you're telling the truth people will think your lying and you don't want that. Plus, everyone wants a partner that they can be completely open with and that will do so in return, especially your girlfriend, it seems.

  • You are both a liar and and an ass hole...

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What Guys Said 6

  • I think your doing fine. Just don't keep important secrets and don't ever lie about anything. So you don't need to tell her anything but don't hide anything either

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    • I am worried I will get worse. I just don't tell her things I know I can fix and things she would get upset by.

    • Thanks for the help and comment by the way.

    • No problem. Just if you feel like you're hiding something, you should tell her. But sounds like you are no asshole 🐓💨👍

  • You're a good guy!
    You don't wanna put extra weight on her shoulders :)
    Which is good, because everyone has their problems. Having more doesn't make life any easier.

    But, at the same time. It's also good being open too.
    You're always gonna have her there to talk to as long as you're together.

    Props to you dude!

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    • Ha thanks man :) I would never hide something that I felt directly affected her, I just didn't want her to worry for nothing. Thanks for the help and opinion.

    • Don't worry about it bud, and you're welcome!

  • sorry dudde but i believe you should be fair if she's telling you everything.

    do the same ;-)

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    • Its all good, thanks for the help

  • I don't think you're an asshole, but you probably should work on your openness a bit if you want this relationship to work out.

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    • Ya /: I might be a bit of a chronic liar. Since I was a teenager if it s easier I do it :S but thanks for the opinion and I agree I need get better.

  • You don't need to tell her absolutely everything but stuff like losing your job is a big deal. Don't hide those big things evacuee otherwise you are digging yourself a hole.

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    • Ya /: thanks for the help

  • Does poop slide through your grasp? Is crop dusting a favorite past time for you?

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    • Often I have these vivid dreams of being a literal poop chute.

    • Do you have an internal and external anal sphincter?

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